[flashinglights]

Warning: post is long. I’m sorry.

Some info before I start. My bf is in active addiction. Crack is his choice of drug. I’m not new to this. This has been something that he’s been struggling with for the past 5 years now. He says he wants to be clean again, that he’s not enjoying the drug anymore but he won’t take the necessary steps to get clean. I’ve tried to get him in NA meetings, tell him to talk to me when the urge pops up, even tried weening him off. It’s not working. However this isn’t my main issue, just a part of it.

I’m 28 F and my bf is 30. I’ve known him since I was 16. As of October 2021 we officially started dating. Before we started dating we would hook up occasionally from time to time throughout the years. We lived together for 8 years. We also have a 7 yr old daughter together. I know this man like the back of my hand.

Before we started dating we were really close. He would tell me everything, come to me for advice and always tell me what’s on his mind. He was very honest with me even if it was something he knew I wouldn’t like or was afraid of sharing with me (IE his drug use) And he was very caring. Helped me get my first job, let me live with him when I’ve had no place to stay and overall just there for me. We hardly argued or had issues.

Now that we’re dating all of that has changed. As of these past few months he’s been treating me absolutely horrible.

Every week we’re fighting.

He’s not open with me anymore. I have to pry to get him to open up about things that are bothering him and even then he doesn’t tell me what’s fully going on.

He’s constantly lying to me. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie even if they are small. Example: he’ll tell me he’s on his way to pick me up from wherever and he’s not. I end up waiting for hours or never being picked up.

We have another place together. And he’s hardly home. For the past 3 months he’s been using my car and being gone with it for days on end. Sometimes a full week but usually it’s 2-3 days. As I type this right now he’s been gone since Wednesday night.

As of recently he just voiced to me that he’s still using when he’s out. I suspected that but I wasn’t sure and I think that’s why he’s been gone for days every week but idk.

Anyway, he’s contacted me once from someone else’s phone saying that he’s sorry, he’s at some other place and that he’s gonna get the car cleaned and then come home cus he wanted to take me out.

I spent 3 hours getting myself ready and he never showed up. Friday comes and I decide to call his cousin to see if he was there and his cousins mom answered the phone.

His mom knew who I was and told me that her son was outside (my bfs cousin). It was good timing on my part because my bf happened to be there right at that moment and answered the phone.

I told him that I needed him to come home because I needed to go to work the next day and I needed my car back.

He said he was going to come back and he didn’t.

The next morning I get a text from his cousins phone saying that he’s on his way to me right now and that he was going to get me to work. And he never came.

Idk what to do in terms of him anymore. This type of behavior has been going on the past 3 months.

He’s not making sure our child gets to school. He’s not helping to look for a permanent place to live (we are currently in a homeless shelter because of him). I’ve been constantly missing work every week because he has the car.

If I say no to him using the car he guilt trips me and “forces” me to say yes.

The last time I said no he said he has to. He got money from his uncle who is in the drug lifestyle or used to be. His uncle just needed to go to auto shop to get a part for his car. When his uncle asked if my bf would be willing to do that my bf immediately said that he don’t think there would be a problem with that.

Which was a lie. He knew that it would be an issue because I didn’t want him to use my car.

Anyways my bf said if I don’t let him take his uncle to the shop there would be a really bad issue because his uncle would think that he’s running off with his money. He said if I say no that means he would have to walk and he wouldn’t be sure when he would come back.

And I would need him back by the next day so I could get to work and he could get our child from school. And he knew that.

He manipulated me.

Even if I held firm he would take my keys while I was sleeping.

There’s also times he takes my car, the house keys and my cellphone so i literally have nothing. (I have no tv cus we just moved here). And I can’t leave because the outside door locks automatically once it closed. You need keys to get in.

He’s drained me financially. Always asking for money. In November I had $420 magically go missing (mind you he never stolen money from me before in all these years that I’ve known him. So I had no reason to think he would do otherwise). I put the $420 in a place ONLY him and I knew about because we were homeless and staying at a trap house. And he trusted nobody there which is understandable. He never admitted to stealing it but I think he did because it was in the trunk of my car in a plastic trash bag.

Other than that all the money I’ve had on my cards he’s went ahead and drained them. Even admitted to doing it.

As of right now I know he is disrespecting me, manipulating me and using me.

I just don’t know what happened he wasn’t like this with me for the past 11 years. Even with being an addict for the past 5 years. 2 years ago he would never even try and do what he’s doing now with me.

He says he loves me and would do anything for me and keeps saying he won’t do x y and z again but it’s as of lately it’s all lies.

I just want the old him back, what do I do?

[tory11]

sorry your going though this as hard as it may be run get away from him u deserve so much better believe me i’m in the same situation and have been for 4+ years they don’t change i’m in the middle of finding away to escape because me and my kids deserve better i told him we was over just over a week ago and he’s not bothered because it’s not been a relationship for years just me keeping a roof over his head when he returns after his days on cocaine if u need to chat i’m here xx

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