[helen40]

I feel so confused…I am hoping someone can relate?

My husband (15years) always has drank heavily. Have a daughter together and have had many happy years… I say this, also knowing, the red flags were there…I just kept my rise tinted glasses on. Since his father died about 4 years ago the verbal abuse cycle started. It’s only in the last year I can acknowledge this and say for many years I probably enabled. Always living in the hope that he’ll find a purpose and sort himself out. Hes high functioning drinker and has a reasonable job …though makes very little effort to find personal growth. The verbal abuse, lies and manipulation has eaten my self esteem and everything with it. In the past 18 months I’ve worked very gently to restore myself… I now question

what is healthy in a relationship. His mother diagnosed (he has a conflictioning relationship with her), with a 2ndry cancer. I’m utterly flummoxed because 3 months ago he disappeared in to a pit of major depression. Finished our relationship, insinuiated it’s my fault and seems to have lost his moral compass of his responsibility financially to my daughter and me. Hes now binge drinking every other week 5 days on the trot. Only talks about himself and his needs. Whilst I’ve found a little comfort in my less chaotic future he keeps throwing manipulation and gaslighting my way. How do I stop this and how the heck can get him to find a moral compass without a bitter war? And yes…o would entertain trying to work things out….why fo I think this after so much pain?

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