[Cinderella8]

This is a first time for me. I’m at my wits end but see no relief unless we divorce.  I’m 77 years old and been married for 58 years (19/20), we have grown children and grown grandchildren.  He started drinking early on but not much until his 30s.  It was mostly weekend with the neighbors and a few times after work.  He got violent a few times when he came home drunk,  always apologizing the next day.  Things were different back then. There was no support for the woman, no hotlines to call, nowhere to go without it being your fault.  Through the years there were many incidents of physical and verbal abuse.  It’s still ongoing today but no physical contact since he’s fallen down so many times and is an almost invalid.  He did spend the night in jail once for an encounter with a neighbor. He was already middle age by then.  I called 911 on him once (both retired) and he was extremely shocked by my action.  Don’t get me wrong, he was a great grandpa to the kids and we did a lot of family things together but the drinking wasn’t as bad.  He was successful and always provided very well for the family.  He even quit for 2 years!  Now we’re in our late 70s and retired and it is in full force now.  He’s had many hospital visits and even a couple surgeries, all related to the drinking.  Nothing stops the drink!  His life is quite boring only having one friend.  All the others have passed on and I feel sorry for that.  His day is spent watching tv from arising until starting the drinking.  Sometimes it’s began at 10AM.  Then the yelling and repeating the same old stories begins. Passes out for a short time then wakes up and starts over.  His bathroom habits are disgusting along with his hygiene.  I was looking into an uncontested divorce where we could just split everything down the middle and move on.  I know what the answer is to all of this.  The children even tell me to go.  Why do I stay????  Thank you anyone reading this.  It just feels good to vent.

[thistim3]

Cinderella:  Awful what you are having to deal with because of your Prince’s drinking  I have also been married a long time (almost 50 years).  Since you haven’t left yet, maybe there is a way for you to disengage/detach/retreat from him and create a separate life for yourself while living there with him.  Whatever that means for you, for example, involve yourself in activities that do not include him.  Classes, groups, trips, gardening projects, etc.  Separate rooms might also provide a better quality of life for you.  Decorate and furnish your room(s) for you, the way you want.

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