[bt1978]

Hey thanks for the post and sharing.

I really identified with what you said about your mum, mine is the same. I’m not sure about you but often I wonder who the parent is. A few years back I had to cut her out as she was particularly vile to my wife and children for no reason, I drew the line at any more children being impacted by her behaviours and sadly that has meant zero. Contact.

I’m not saying this is the only way, but for me it has to be as I have tried this before and and up getting sucked back in and it always ends up the same.

Also, as hard as it is, I feel I have a responsibility to end the cycle Of abuse and bullshit that has permeated through generation after generation in my family with no one doing anything about it aside from acting victim and abusing one another, I always said no matter how hard it got that is what I would hang on to and have done so far.

If you are going to keep in contact I guess sits very strict boundaries and making sure she doesn’t impact you mentally – I’m not going to lie, if she’s like mine then she likely will impact you it’s how you deal with it

[charlie1234]

I relate so much to what you have said. She blames her behaviour on her own horrible childhood and just doesn’t take any responsibility for her actions. It’s just so frustrating. Clearly this is personality rather than purely alcohol because she behaves the same way even when sober.

I don’t have children yet but I can’t imagine raising them around her – she can’t regulate her behaviour.

I know I need to safeguard my own mental health but it really is difficult. She carries on with this ‘woe is me, I know you hate me’ pantomime if I try to distance myself. She doesn’t see that her behaviour is unacceptable because she’s been living in chaos so long she just doesn’t recognise any of this as abnormal.

[bt1978]

Me too mate. Mine blamed a traumatic upbringing and in turn a used me and my sibling all our lives. She now forces us to a position n where she takes no responsibility for anything at all, just short of her being turned into the street is how much I do now and even that I regret.

At some point you have to stop and think about whether you are enabling or helping, it’s such a fine line. Also plenty of people have a shitty childhood and don’t inflict that on their children, me being one. It’s not an excuse. And as the old saying goes – victims don’t get sober

Keep sharing and posting here it always helps both sides

[Author]

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