Feelings of guilt

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    • #5723
      magdalena
      Participant

      Hello,

      I feel guilty. Thursday, I told my husband to go away from me. Eight years ago we were married and after two years of marriage, I found out about his freebasing cocaine. I spent the next five years together with him. Finally Thursday morning (3:00 am), after another binge, I told him that he could not be around me. My rationale was that in the pandemic, it is not hygienic (for me) to be exposed to everything that he brings home from being on the streets. That is because he binges for two to four days once every week. He is under the freeway or in a homeless encampment or somewhere using and drinking. Then, comes home to either grab his last $100.00 or crashes. Many times he brings home a flu or cold and I get sick and have to feed him. So, I still feel guilty because I cared for him. Actually, having written this, objectively, I let him take advantage of me. However, I am human and I really care for him. Yet, it’s time to say goodbye. I have a lot of difficulties but if I can get through this pandemic alive, I can say that my husband has suffered the consequences of not looking for help with cocaine dependency. We live in California and there are so many opportunities for recovery. May the Lord watch over his soul, may God guide his person to a recovery place and may my ex get back what he has lost and more.

    • #16255
      barbzx
      Participant

      Oh I really feel you on this. My boyfriend of 2 years lives with me and my 2 children but likes to be out and about for a few hours at least each day and probably uses cocaine between 1 and 4 days a week varying on his cash flow etc….he stays between mine and his mothers. She’s an enabler and buys it for him which I refuse to do, so he is often torn between wanting to spend time with me or getting another hit. With this pandemic going on I said to him he needs to either be at mine full time or stay at his mothers during this time as it’s too risky him bringing the virus back from any of the crackheads he associates with. He says he’s not getting near anyone else and just passing over cash etc but I struggle to believe him. It’s really hard as I know he’s going to spiral out of control again but he won’t listen and stay put at mine for the greater good of everyone.

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