[jk28]

So I’ve been with my partner 8years and we moved in together 2 years ago (from living at his parents) and now have a mortgage . Things were normal and good all these years usual ups and downs but never anything major…he changed when we moved in but I just thought he was taking advantage of us living along away from parents so he would go out all the time whereas prior he knew his parents would probably tell him that’s wrong.

Last year I found coke at home in pockets he would tell me they weren’t his but they were his friends and he was dropping it back off! (Not born yesterday!!!) never believed him. So times gone on and arguments and me not trusting etc. In September 2018 we decided this wasn’t working so well and really questioned the relationship so it wasn’t good ! But with being engaged and living together we thought let’s just see how it goes ( I still didn’t know at this point about the addiction). In January after few days of arguing he got in bed late after work and broke down telling me he has a problem and had been using for about 2 years started socially and was now doing it 1/2 times a week but sometimes a lot in one night. He said evrything around is falling apart because of himself.. I was annoyed but also glad he had told me… I said we should find him some help so I wss the one researching groups or online/one to ones… never went! Then said I’ll be fine now I’ve told u I feel better (again I’m not stupid).

Unsurprisingly in April I found messages between girls and messsges arranging to buy more so he hadn’t stopped and I also felt even more hurt that he is seeking out other girls who are younger and doing coke on a night out with him! I try to be the best I can and look after our home and do nice things and none of it has mattered clearly. I feel very isolated and betrayed as I only moved to this area for him, I can’t tell my family because they will worry and just tell me to leave.

I am 28 and given him 8 years alresdy of my life I feel like I am wasting my time now and the time I should be moving on in life.

[danman83]

If hes not willing to accept hes an addict and doing his best to change. Then you should think of yourself to.

Im doing my best to quit coke. I cant stand the stuff. That were he has admitted it to you.. he was probably on a downer then.. as it sends you depressed and suicidal in a lot of people. But when hes said hes ok again.. its obvisously worn off..

Im lapsing about once a month. But i am doing my best to stop. That with the girls.. my gf would go mad.. and im not gonna lie to you.. it does make a lot of people to cheat and im not saying he is.. he might not be like that one bit. But just be aware of it. Good luck

[jk28]

Yes I thought that too just on a downer because in April I found the messages about getting some again. It’s like appeasing me for some time and then doing it anyway.

Yeah I don’t accept the girls two of which worked within the same business we do and we’re always distant to me with fake hellos and I knew instinctively that it was odd and he would tell me I’m being paranoid, but since seeing messsges he had gone on nights out them and one of his best friends (so the 4 of them)… So I also feel betrayed and embarsssed seeing his friends now because they must think we are a joke!

we are just living together Im mentally gone in this relationship I feel I’m just sticking around because I want him to get help for his own sake because it worries me. Although I sometimes think I should be more selfish like he is. At the end of the day I can help him like I have and I can’t do more than that.

[danman83]

Would he go mad if you went out with 2 lads and your mate? Its a bit disrespectful if you ask me.

Have you any kids?

If you have no ties with him and he doesnt want to get help. Either put up with it. Or leave.. is he trying to stop?

[jk28]

Probably yes because it’s flirty messages too and he denies anything went on but obviously I don’t trust him.

Thankfully we didn’t have any kids yet, everything was leading to marriage and children but I wouldn’t even consider that now.

It’s not no ties we have this house together and a mortgage to sort too

[danman83]

I dont blame you. What do you want to do now tho if u dont mind me asking

[jk28]

Says he hasn’t taken any for two months but his behaviour and symptoms haven’t changed, not sleeping properly and his nose is constantly running and blocked etc.

I don’t know I just wanted to make sure he got help with us being together so long but at this moment in time I only see myself eventually leaving. We dont seem to have a couples relationship anymore anyway

[danman83]

Well do whats best for you. If your not happy. Move on. And make sure you ask the nxt guy if he does coke lol

[jk28]

I don’t know if that’s a joke, he hasn’t done it the whole relationship, so I had no need to ask.

Isn’t this meant to be a place to talk and have advice not have digs

[danman83]

Think you took it the wrong way.

[danman83]

And it was advice.. dont get with anyone with cocaine problems. As i have seen what it has done to my gf with me

[danman83]

Sorry if it upset you. But i genuinly didnt mean to.

[jk28]

I know, but the thing is I didn’t get with someone who had a problem.

Been together 8 years and it’s been in the last two years this started and only knew the truth in January of this year or I wouldn’t of got involved with him.

No worries I am just on this patience and stress with lots of things.

[danman83]

Dont worry about it. Just ask if u need help with anything.

[icarus-trust]

Hi

I’m sorry to read your posts.

If you would like some support for yourself maybe you would like to contact us at The Icarus Trust. we are a charity that supports people like yourself, affected by a partner’s addiction.

You could be put in touch with one of our experienced trained people if you think that would be helpful.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org

All the best.

[Author]

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