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My fiance has been suffering anxiety and it’s recently lead to two suicide attempts. One including alcohol and a car. He’s always been a go out at night and get stupid but more binges. Then it turned to more regular drinking alone. He’s now at a point where he’s admitted it and is with the WDP programme. He’s another man when drunk and he’s doing so well but when he drinks he lies about it.
This whole thing is a huge strain and I’m so lonely. The wedding planning feels pointless and I feel like no one understands why I’m putting up with it all.
But I’m losing strength and don’t know how much longer I can do this. I want my man back. 🙁 please tell me there’s others out there like this.
He now has no job and I’m the only one working hard to pay our mortgage. And money is tight. I feel I’m just going through the motions of each day without any life.
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Wow – you sound like an amazing fiance – how lucky this poor man is to have you in his life. A lady who organises, plans, funds a home and loves him against the odd of her friends…..
Fast forward two years – five years, you are married with a child with a husband who didn’t sort himself out in 2018. He is now drinking all day, out of work, wasting your money, lies and gets violent when you confront him and he’s probably impotent. Social services are involved to protect you and your child. You are lonely, very stressed, desperate and ill – no one understands why you put up with it – now you’re not sure why you do either but you loved him once and you feel responsible, because you are married and you chose this path. You are not responsible for your finances mental health and alcoholism but you can choose to help him.
Set clear boundaries and stick to them. Don’t give him any money. Open another bank account in only your name and star to save – for your future. Otherwise you will risk losing your house, your family and friends and your sanity.
Your wedding plans are pointless while you are feeling like this. Postpone them and get some help. Go to your GP – book a double appointment and ask for help and a referral to a counsellor or support group.
Step back and look at your life. What would you tell your sister/best friend if they were where you are now?
You are not responsible for your fiancé’s health – he is. If he commits suicide you will feel distraught, angry and lost but you still won’t be responsible my dear girl.
Make him take responsibility – give him a deadline to do so and support him all you can whilst he seeks help and if he won’t then choose your path from one of two – walking away or a life of struggle, hardship and misery.
Show him your post – tell him how you feel. Is he supporting you – even a little bit emotionally?
Sending you all good wishes for a bright future you deserve.
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