[cant-take-no-more]

Hi to my friends…..hope thing are manageable for you all…Thinking about you …take care all xxxxxxxx

[fifi65]

Hiya Susie, thank you hun, going to see my son bank hol monday, that will be the 1st time since sentenced, going to take all I’ve got not to cry in front of him, I don’t think I have many tears left anyway. How is your son? and how are you? Thinking of you and Sue god bless xxx

[cant-take-no-more]

I think you need to think long and hard…whether you love this man isn’t the question, it’s whether you love your son more…I’m not saying finish it, but I agree with your mum…sorry…. Your child doesn’t have a choice, but your BF is in the early stages of trying to get on the path to recovery…it doesn’t matter how much you want to help him, ultimately he has to want it enough to work real hard at it…..it’s great your supporting him, which is always important…just think long and hard Hunni…..x

[administrator]

Dear EDP

Thank you for sharing that poem, it’s a really touching commemoration of Simon’s memory.

We run a project to support people who’ve been bereaved through drug or alcohol use. Please email info@beadproject.org.uk if you would like to know more. We are running a support group in London in Feb/March 2017 if you happen to live nearby.

Best wishes
Adfam

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
Thank you for sharing Simon’s poem which is heart breaking to read. I’m so sorry for your loss. Please let your family members know that there is a charity specially set up to support family and friends of people dealing with a loved one’s addiction. We are called The Icarus Trust and you can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this might help. All the best.

[jp]

Would it be better to live together after he has been sober for at least a year? That way I know things will be better and in the meantime I still support and be there for him? This is all new to me and have never been around this before so I honestly don’t know what to do…

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi JP, that sounds like a good starting point…not only will that show him you are taking things seriously, but you are also looking out for your sons well being…and if he loves you and your son as much as you think, he will agree with your decision….take it slow Hunni, support and encourage , and remember it will be hard for him….good luck xx

[icarus-trust]

Thank you for posting your story which I was sad to read. This must be so difficult for you to live with.
Please contact us at The Icarus trust. We are a charity that provides support for people like yourself who are having to live with the impact of a loved one’s addiction. We offer a free service called family Friends and you could be put in touch with one of these, our trained experienced volunteers. Talking with someone who would understand what you are dealing with may help you to know what to do next.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.

[donna]

Hi Lost and Alone,
my name is Donna, i too am married to a man who puts cocaine infront of everything. We have been married 16 years. I love him to pieces, but our life has been nothing but misery. He is not a daily user. He binges. Sometimes for 4/5 days at a time. I will not tolerate that stuff in the house so he goes out with his druggy friends to their flat to take coke. He also frequents pubs. He is selfish and self absorbed. Has hurt me endless amounts of times. Has been to prison 3 times during our marriage. I am still here 16 years later, he has had periods where the use has not been so bad and everything gets good again. Then he slips and he is doing it every week, 3 x a week in straight days. Affecting his job, us, our two boys and our finances. It is an evil drug. I dont understand the allure of it as i dont take it. He has had two affairs and caused me heartache after heartache. Get out, dont stay for your son. My 15 year old hates his father, as he sits and watches what he does to me, week in week out. I am going to blog now so reply to me if you want. Good luck.

[cant-take-no-more]

Also check out support groups for you, this is a great way of understanding addiction, and you may meet people you can confide in xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi JP
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which supports people like yourself, who are trying to cope with the impact of addiction in their families.
I really think it might help you to talk through your thoughts and feelings as the choices you are having to make are really hard. Our ‘Family Friend’ service would offer you the chance to talk one to one with one of our experienced trained volunteers who would understand where you are coming from.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some support for yourself and that things turn out well for you.
Good luck.

[icarus-trust]

Tilly I am so sad to read your story. Please contact us at The Icarus Trust a charity that provides support for the family and friends of addicts. . Dealing with a loved one’s addiction is so hard and I am sure that you could do with some support for yourself. We offer a free service called ‘Family Friends’. These are trained and experienced volunteers who you could talk with.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some support for yourself. good luck.

[scanners]

Xxxx

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey Fi…..You will be fine…..I know it hard hunni…but this could have been the thing that saves his life….stay positive ..My son is trying hard, but wont say too much feel like I could scupper it all…..even talking about it….take care beautiful lady , and speak soonxxx

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey Hunni….I really hope your ok…it’s hard to understand why addicts behave the way they do…but letting anyone be violent to you is a recipe for disaster….addiction is a curse and hard to grasp. Only he can do it..what I will say is the violence will continue whilst he is using, and you are worth more than that..sometimes letting go is the hardest thing ever, but whilst he is still using think long and hard about bringing a small child into your lives….stay safe, seek help for yourself and good luck xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Rosie B
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very sad to read of your son’s addiction and realise what a dreadful time you have had for many years supporting him.
If it would help you to talk with people who would understand please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for the families and friends of addicts.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Kimi,
I agree that it is important that you look out for yourself, while trying to support your husband. I hope that you have supportive family and friends around you. if you would like other support, The Icarus Trust is a charity which specifically helps the families and friends of those affected by a loved one’s addiction. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our Family Friends’. These are trained volunteers who you could talk with which may help you to find a way ahead and support you while you are coping with hard times. This is a free service so hope that you may give it a go.They could also signpost you to other services that could help your husband.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this will be helpful to you. Good luck.

[thebe55]

Having just read your story I am so sorry to hear of your ongoing strife;I have a somewhat similar situation in mine.I have 3 adult children-the youngest has just turned 30 and since he left school has drifted through life with no light at the end of the tunnel.First it was smoking weed,then alcohol & cocaine when he could afford it.He has been in prison twice,altogether served 1 year inside.
In the last 2 years he has been on alcohol binges which last approx. 3 weeks several times a year & has been hospitalised for detox many times.The authorities have had enough of him being picked up by ambulance & he is no longer treated at hospital unless he has a seizure.I am disabled & can only walk a few metres,also have other health issues so cannot work any more.I have virtually used up all my savings paying off my son’s legal & illegal debts to try & help him but it never ends.He is now homeless as nobody wants him wrecking their home as he does.Yesterday he begged me to let him in with a load of drink & when I said no,I was headbutted,handful of hair pulled out & bitten.I did nor report it as am fed up of having my family in the local newspaper gossip.
He has everything to live for-a lovely 2 year old from his relationship which he has destroyed but he does see the child when he is clean & sober.I can’t see any happy end to all this so live in a strange twilight world waiting for the worst to happen.I can truly sympathise with you & really hope that life gets easier for you soon.As you say,none of this is our fault.Every good wish to you winkle.

[administrator]

Hi Winkle and Thebe55

Thank you both for sharing your story and we’re very sorry to hear of your difficult situation.

If you have had issues with violence, we would recommend contacting the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. This line is free and confidential and is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Furthermore if you ever feel you are in immediate danger we would always recommend ringing 999.

Finally your local council will most likely provide an adult safeguarding service for vulnerable adults. If you search “adult safeguarding” and your local council in google, the contact details should come up. To find out your local authority follow this link and type your postcode into the box: https://www.gov.uk/find-local-council

I hope this is helpful, please feel free to drop us an email at admin@adfam.org.uk if you had any further questions about other services you might be able to contact.

Best wishes,
Adfam

[icarus-trust]

Hi Winkle and Thebe55
Its so sad to read both of your stories and the despair you must feel.
Please contact The Icarus Trust if you feel that you could do with someone to talk to. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts and we offer a free service called ‘Family Friends. These are trained volunteers who you could talk with if you think it would help.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Hoping that things will get better for both of you. All the best.

[Author]

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