[travis90]

Hello everyone ,

Nervous but proud of myself for taking the first step.

I’m 31 years old , work a good job, have a beautiful little girl and generally have a happy life

6 month ago my partner left , I lost my job, and my home and things went bad

I had used cocaine before on nights out etc but very rare. I turned to it 6 month ago on the odd occasion to try and perk myself up. It worked .

But now 6 month on I am finding myself takinf it daily. I wake up every morning and think that’s it , never again, and by 3 pm I’m thinking about when I can get my first bag.

The scary thing is , before a small bag would last me 2 days . Now I can easily do 3 a night. Then go to bed and sleep well, next day go to work as if everything’s normal. It’s becoming a normal part of my life .

Nobody around me knows , but mentally I’m beating myself up and Really want to stop, but I’m really struggling alone .

Thankyou for listening

Hopefully I’ll get sorted soon

J

[jamesb]

Alright Travis, hope youre holding up alright.

And you should be proud of yourself, addiction works on you believing you love the drug so to be able to have enough control to even admit that it’s gone to far is massive.

I’ll try not to go on about me to much but reading your post mate I completely get it. I used cocaine too to help with heartache when I lost my parents and to people who haven’t been through it will never understand how cocaine can have different uses. It can be something for a night in a kitchen chatting absolute wet until the sun’s up or it can be a tool to block out emotion and make you numb.

In some ways though mate it sounds like luckily you haven’t gone so far into it that it’s caused you many of the normal beatings. You’re still getting up and working which is a great thing and you haven’t mentioned that it’s bankrupted you so hopefully that hasn’t happened yet but there’s only one way cocaine addiction goes no matter how good of a person you are or how successful it can leave anyone in the gutter with nothing.

I’m not a professional but going from my experience I’m going to make a guess that what’s going on is that you’re waking up thinking you want to get on it because your brain is used to associating cocaine with getting through the day. Of course there is the element of just enjoying it but after a while your brain craves hear like it does food or water.

The next guess is that I bet you actually prefer the days youre not on it? Not feeling edgy, you feel yourself etc.

I know you must still be hurting from your break up because using the gear means you wouldn’t of actually dealt with that yet but the best thing you can do and I know it’s easier said than done is really dig deep and be the best version of yourself. That version you wish you was, without the secrets and the gear. Time is a massive thing, you need to fill your time. Gym is the obvious one. You’ll look better, feel better and that can be really helpful for getting clean. The other route is CA meetings. They aren’t what you think, they are incredible and full of people just like you and me who will support you. There’s a guy on here, danman83, he’s the guy to talk to about meetings as he knows alot more about them than I do.

You need to start loving yourself again. Give yourself a break. You went through something hard, I won’t blame you for taking drugs to take the pain away because that’s why people take paracetamol right? But you need to regroup, find your purpose, do it for your kid. Be that person you know you can be. I’m not saying go t total over night and I’m not saying it’s easy because I still struggle daily like most do but I promise you that there’s a better life.out there waiting and a better version of you to live it.

Be strong

I’m always on here if you wanna chat pal

James x

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