[strider21]

Background –

I am 21 years old, I have just graduated university and have moved back home with my parents. I come from a very loving home, my parents don’t have the best relationship but it’s been like that for as long as I can remeber. My mum lost her father a couple years back and since then my gran hasn’t coped with the grief very well, it is known that gran is an alcoholic between our family.

The realisiation –

My mum has always enjoyed a glass of wine in the evenings, nothing wrong with that. But I have begun to notice that a glass every night has somehow turned into a bottle and I can’t say exactly how long this has been the case.

She stumbles on her footing and slurs her words but gets very defensive when I mention that she may have drunk too much, I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind until tonight.

Tonight was the last straw for me. We had a short argument as we often do when she has been drinking surrounding the fact that we had had a conversation earlier which she has now totaly forgotten. She even tried to turn it around on me saying that I was making it up. I even did question myself a little out of pure denial that she’s an alcoholic.

After she went to bed I decided to talk to my dad about it who was downstairs, we havent spoken about her issue before but for the first time he said the words “she’s an alcoholic” and suddenly everything clicked in place. I feel like I can’t ignore it anymore and I dont want her to go down the same path as her mum.

I really dont know what to do or where my responsibility lies in this whole thing. How do I help her?

[orion010]

Evening,

You sound very much like my situation about 7 years ago. My parents always had a glass of wine with dinner, it was just the norm, and then my mum started being secretive about the alcohol. She wasn’t even drinking much, she’d just buy those mini bottles but she’d hide the evidence which is what made it odd. Things just escalated from there really. I won’t go into a full breakdown of the situation cos we’ll be here for hours!

But back to your situation. I can tell you the obvious, there are services available and speak to GP’s etc. However absolutely nothing you do will help if she does not want to be helped. She needs to admit she has a problem but this can be a very long and difficult step. My only tip would be to talk to her when she’s sober. If shes sober and normal and seems like the mum you know it can be so tempting to just not bring it up. To think maybe she’s doing better or that you don’t want to upset her. But you will not get anywhere talking to her once she’s drunk.

I felt such guilt for years over not being to help my mum in the early stages, not nipping it in the bud as it were. I know this probably won’t be what you want to hear but I’m gonna say it in the hope that I save you some of that heartache; for the most part you are helpless in this, this is not on you. Be supportive if you can, be there when you can, offer help if and when she wants it. But it is very important to protect yourself because ultimately this is out of your hands.

I hope that doesn’t sound to harsh. You’ve accessed forums early on so you’re already progressing better than I did!

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