[fed-up-mom]

I am a mother of a cocaine and crack addict. He is 32 years old and lives with his girlfriend. He won’t work or if he does only for a couple of days, then has to reward himself with drugs then doesn’t turn up for work the next day. He constantly asks for money. For food and petrol bills. He then comes to my house and wakes me up at 2 o’clock even 4oclock in the morning demanding money. He lies says drug dealers are going to smash the car or house. Tonight he has no petrol to get home, but managed to get to my house from his which is 4 miles away. He threatens to smash my house if I don’t give him it. He has punched holes in my doors before. I have tried ignoring the door He just keeps knocking, I have blocked him on my phone. I don’t want to call the.police as he is my son and I don’t think I could have him arrested but I don’t know what else to do. He even knocks me up when I have to get up for work. He doesn’t care and says he doesn’t know why I make a big deal over it.

[Paul-]

Your son’s cocaine/crack addiction has now taken over his life.

Underneath the rampaging, door smashing, abusive and desperate behaviour there seems to be a young man who may want to give up this addiction.

His ability to hold on to a job – albeit only for two days – indicates some willingness to try.

Once he gets home and starts using again, that’s when it becomes too difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

Fuel and food are an excuse for wanting drug money.

It’s hard for you to watch your son become this way. Behind his brazen, aggressive facade, there’s a young man in turmoil.

The anger could be as much at himself as it is toward you. He says he doesn’t care – yet underneath he probably does.

His desperation, no money and no drugs means he needs to come to you at all hours.

Your are at your wits end and it must be heart-breaking. The stress involved will affect your health.

There’s your own safety to consider and you don’t need this.

Perhaps it may be in your son’s best interest to involve the police.

His behaviour is totally unacceptable and extremely unfair.

Is his girlfriend trying to help him? Is it a stable relationship? Or are they both are misusing drugs?

Would some time in a police station enable your son to think about where his life is going?

He needs professional help and only he can do this.

If arrested, there’s a chance he’ll have to accept a treatment programme, as a condition of being relieved of a harsher punishment.

Shutting him out of your life is something you find unthinkable. He is your son after all and you only wish to help the lad.

Many would say you shouldn’t give him the money. However. You worry about what will happen when you say no.

For your son, help is available.

At the end of the day, he is an adult and only he can make this decision.

Taking care of yourself is priority and calling the police every time he bangs on your door is probably the only way you can deal with this.

The help that is available – whether it be online, phone lines or a group/centre near you – will only be useful if your son is willing to accept it.

[Author]

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