I have been married for 35 years and had an amazing time despite everything my husband being an alcoholic for a lot of that time. He is now a bit of a recluse, grumpy, irritable which is ok but now l am becoming more intolerant of the verbal abuse which is probably mild compared to what many of you have experienced but nevertheless the damage it is doing to me and the fact that l am finding it harder to love this man scares me. I will never leave him but how do l continue to live with him and have a happy life. That is what l am trying to figure out. I am trying to detach myself but l constantly think about him. I am always checking to make sure he is breathing. To avoid confrontation l leave the house and go shopping or to my little booths, l,we, buy and resell, something we do together in our retirement. If we are going through a”thing” l or he goes on our own. He’s going through a “thing” right now, sleeps for hours on end. He awakes and talks such gobbledygook. This is a talented man. Such a waste. We have 1 son who lives close by and knows what is going on but we have absolutely no friends. He has had several gran mal seizures at times that he has not had a drink. He takes medication for this but at times when he does not feel well l make sure he medicates. As far as l know l have been present for all his seizures but l cannot be certain. I know it is just a matter of time before there is a major incident. There’s nothing l can do.
I am going on a short trip on my own next month as the last time he came with me he got so drunk that l was totally humiliated. He was very lucky he didn’t get a smack in the face as he made a sexist remark to a lady. I have never seen that behavior before. I haven’t really gotten over that one. Our exchanges are getting more frequent and l am finding it extremely hard to keep my patience. I want to thump him. Is there no way to overcome these horrible feelings.