[hilltopfillie]

Hi,

This is my first day on this forum. I’m actually dreading writing this because it means it’s ‘real’ and not something I can ignore anymore. My son is 20. He’s very bright, he’s fit & handsome and already runs his own building company very successfully, he has a few pounds in his pocket and thinks he’s invincible and all that is, I think part of the problem. He’s just lost his driving licence for drink driving. He was caught…only a few micro grams over the limit but still over..because of his age, and rightly so, he was banned for 12 months. There’s Worse than this though. For the third time, this Saturday morning, I found a little bag with white powder in which I presume is cocaine ????.

It was full, unused. The first time I found one was just under a year ago (pre-Covid) I was utterly devastated. He has a lovely home with parents who are very much ‘here for him’ and although not spoilt he’s had a wonderful upbringing. We confronted him of course, his reaction was initially denial then defensive but almost nonchalant.

We too were told ALL his friends did it. It was almost as though he felt we are old fogeys who have no clue.

I tried to make him understand how serious I felt it was and I was in tears so he knows how upsetting I found it. That conversation finished with him saying ‘yeah, ok, my bad’ (God, I hate that saying) and ‘ok, it’s not a big deal, I’ve only done it a couple of times at festivals’ I tried to disgust him by saying..’you know that little bag was probably smuggled in to the festival up the dealers rectum!’

A couple of months later (in Covid) he had a couple of friends round and they spent the evening in my she-shed at the bottom of our garden.

I went down the next day, they’d left some beer cans and general mess but now, because I’ve turned into a suspicious spy, I went to clear up before he had a chance, I found an empty bag inside an empty beer can.

Now, fast forward to present day and the third incident, finding a full bag in the middle of the floor in the utility room. What the hell are we supposed to do!?!? He’s an adult. He knows it’s illegal. He knows we are very anti all drugs & even smoking. How much must he be doing/spending if he can loose a bag and not be frantically looking for it? If I lost £50..£100 quid in the house somewhere I’d be looking for it straight away, let alone if it was drugs that I knew my parents would freak out over! I just don’t know what to say to him that will stop this before it gets really serious and starts to take over…..perhaps it already has! ????. I feel sick. I know Covid is crucifying the kids social lives. I do feel very sorry for the youngsters and I think kicking them out of pubs and clubs is going to exacerbate drug issues like this. I just want to burst into tears. Where’s my little boy gone …..

[sadma]

Hi, I can totally relate to this post and feel your pain! My son is 24, a polite quiet lad who has worked since leaving college, and last year passed his firefighter (retained) training. He has been dabbling in the drug scene since (I believe) the age of 15 or so…. I know it began with cannabis, then rave style drugs like mdma etc.. He suffers with anxiety, and spends most of his time when not working, at home – online gaming. He has had a couple of girlfriends, but tends to choose those that need help themselves! I thought he was growing out of his habit, especially when passing his training, but he seems to be slipping back into it. Recently I discovered he was using ketamine, and although I have tried to talk to him about it, and offer support – he says all the right things, then just carries on. He feels he has it under control, and won’t go to GP for support, as he hopes to join the military in the future and doesn’t want it on his medical records! He has said he said he sought help a while ago with a charity-based drug organisation, but says they couldn’t provide any help as they told him he wasn’t an addict, just psychologically dependent….. I feel it could spiral out of control and he’ll come crashing down, losing everything – he never has any money and I think he just thinks he’s invincible. I am still searching for solutions, so can’t help you at the moment – but just wanted to say you are not alone!

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