[gabbyf]

I honestly don’t even know where to start but I remember being on here along time ago and seeing a woman talk about a similar situation so I hope I can find someone to talk to…

So, my boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic who knows he has a problem, went to AA, quit and has said multiple times he knows it’s a problem. We broke up for a while last year mainly because of it and he told me that wasn’t the life he wanted and would sort himself out and got on to studying a course he’s wanted to do for a long time.

When he started this course I noticed his behaviour with alcohol became worse and worse and I couldn’t cope which is where I found al-anon. Al-anon has been brilliant in helping me cope with my own life and to focus on me. I really thought it was giving our relationship a fighting chance because although he was verbally abusive and horrible when he drank, the sober man is an amazing man and I love his family.

I just found out that as well as drinking and the odd bit of weed (which I knew about and didn’t have an issue with) he’s been taking cousin for nearly half our relationship (we have been together a few years). I had always made it clear that hard drugs are an out right no for me. When he wasn’t paying his way at home he was driving about taking it and once nearly got caught by the police which I thought was a drink thing.

This story is so long but the main point is that the man I’ve loved and planned a life with has been lying to me and I feel so betrayed. Betrayed that he lied to me which is a huge thing for me and that he lied to me about something I’m so against. He’s got himself into some sticky situations and now I’m realising that what I thought was a drunk boyfriend causing bother was a boyfriend on alcohol and cocaine.

He has just gone through a bereavement and it was someone very close to him. I then find out that when the family got together and he disappeared off with his uncles, they were doing it together.

I don’t know what to do or think or feel. Because of Corona virus, he may have to come home and I don’t know if I want him near me, I don’t know if I can find a way past this and if I do, I don’t know how I wouldn’t be more controlling. I don’t want those particular family members around me and never will but how am I supposed to explain that? I can’t control his life or finances but I feel like I’d need some kind of control.

I also don’t know if I should tell anyone. I’m close to my brother and his sister has been a huge help in the past but his mum couldn’t find out as she already suffers from mental health issues and I think it would break her because I’ve sat with her enough times talking about the person we thought he was and alcohol being the worst.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone got any advice? This is all so new and I don’t know what to think or feel…

[lamouette]

I’m not sure I can help much but I can totally relate so will say you are deffo not alone.

My partner is very similar although we haven’t been together so long. Recently the lies have been around me telling him he can’t borrow money and then finding out he’s borrowed it elsewhere and got in some really sticky situations.

I’m missing the person I met who was funny , outgoing and kind. He is now currently depressed and sleeping all day and last night said he wanted to die (again). Just when I think he’s doing better, something new comes out the woodwork. I know I need to cut my losses or he will drag my very successful life down. And I’m at the point where it’s him or me – and I choose me. I’m also desperate to help him. It’s really hard so I feel for your situation xx

[gabbyf]

I feel for you too! I totally get what you’re saying. You meet what you think is someone you can have a future with then learn they’re someone else…

I decided to tell his sister and she’s told his mother. I know he’ll hate me but I love him and do want what’s best for him. I don’t know if it’s something I can get past but I can only take each day as it comes.

I think all we can do is deal with ourselves and make sure we don’t ruin our lives and we all have different coping mechanisms.

I feel sick to my stomach but I know I can only control myself so same goes for you. I hope you both find a happy way forward xx

[char2020]

We didn’t cause the addiction, we can’t control it and we sure as hell cant cure it. Just mind yourself. My partner is a heroin addict and I’m struggling to set myself free from it for years. Save yourself if you have the strength too .

[gabbyf]

I know it’s not my fault but I just can’t leave him, at the moment anyway. My head is telling me to run and my heart is trying to find a way through it.

I hate that I can’t just walk away to be honest.

[char2020]

I feel exactly the same. I think a point will come when we can walk away but for us it’s not right now unfortunately.

[gabbyf]

I really hope we both do what’s best for ourselves in the end. I hate caring about someone who doesn’t seem to think about me. I really try to understand the addiction side of things but it’s gets to a point where I can’t make that an excuse for his negative behaviour in our lives…

[harl]

Hi guys thought I would jump on this chat to reach out, I have been with my boyfriend for three months long distance he lives 4 hours from me however we have seen each other every weekend, we have got so close so quick, I recently

Realised he has a drink and drugs problem which I highlighted two weeks ago. He has a high paid job and is very busy with other projects he has on the go, he has a two years son and going through a divorce at the moment. Recently he has said he is on a soul searching period and wanted space as he doesn’t feel

Himself at the moment. This is probably the longest he has been sober and drug free for (two weeks) since I mentioned it. I can’t help but feel like he’s pushing me away? I’ve not eaten for a week and I’ve got constant anxiety that he’s not going to come back to me, is it usually for someone to try and push you away whilst battling an addiction? I feel like I can’t ask him but support him, but secretly I’m really suffering myself with not knowing whether he wants to be in a relationship

Or not. I have fell in love with him and don’t want a future without him

[gabbyf]

I honestly get where you’re coming from. I’m in such a dark place at the moment. I’ve had to work from home so I’m alone, he came back home today because of the scares and instead of coming home to me, he went to his mums.

I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t. All I know is that I love someone who may not be able to love me back the way I need and it kills me that I don’t have the power to just walk away.

I told one of his family members and after a bit of a chat, I haven’t heard from them which has made me feel even more alone because I can talk to my family or it would change everything.

Loving an addict is so isolating and I guess all we can do is let them know how we feel and take their actions as them explaining what they want because words are just words.

[willow03x]

My son would always leave his girlfriend when he was a mess and stay in a hotel as he was ashamed of himself and didn’t want her to see him. He would always blame her for him leaving and she would apologise then he would go home . Please be careful you don’t end up in this hamster wheel situation x

[harl]

Thanks for replying

Yes i agree, I don’t want to leave him and he’s suddenly changed into this person I don’t recognise at the moment when the last three months he was all lovey, maybe I am the one who has pointed out he has a problem which he’s got away with for ten years so it’s me he’s pushing away whilst he battles with it. But you are right I feel alone at the moment and feel like no one will know my pain. I haven’t ate since Thursday! If feels good to reach out on this forum so thank you ladies

[gabbyf]

I honestly don’t understand it but my partner has really pushed me away tonight and has been harsh.

I feel hurt that I’ve come to places like this to try and get help so I could help him when he just wants to push me away…

I know it’s easier said than done but you need to eat and you need to think about yourself. I’m going to try and sleep in the hopes that I don’t have to think about it for a few hours but I’m in so much pain and really appreciate your message because I know I’m not alone no matter how much I feel it

[harl]

Let me know what his family says if you don’t mind when they do reply

[gabbyf]

She didn’t reply. His family have taken the stance of “we seem to argue a lot” and to be honest they’ve made me feel isolated especially since I thought they were different.

They’ve said whatever they’ve said to him and I’m not involved so I’ll remember this and if we do get through it, I’m not going to carry on the way I have been with them, they’ll be kept at arms length.

I talked to him today and although he started off defensive, we seem to have agreed to try and move forward, I just don’t know how that looks yet because I know I don’t trust him and I’m scared of getting hurt but he expects me to get over it.

All you can do is let him know you’re there to support him and you care. If he doesn’t reciprocate, it’s hard but you have to force yourself to move on. I wouldn’t have chosen this life for myself and 4 years down the road, I wish I’d never met him…

[char2020]

It’s hard not to take their addiction personally. Why can’t they think of the pain that it causes us but I suppose that’s addiction for you. Something we will never understand. There has been months where I barely ate and just cried and cried. But then the good times come back… for a small while but at least it’s something and then I’m filled with hope that things will be ok but it never stays ok.

[gabbyf]

This is exactly what I’m scared of to be honest. I go from extreme highs to extreme lows and I know I can’t sustain that or have a family when it’s like that. I wish we could just find people without addictions willing to love us and not put us through this…

[harl]

Oh really, after 4 years too your almost part of the family.

It’s crazy because I’m envious of your communication and that you get to see him I live four hours away and we are communicating via the phone and I have no idea how he’s feeling. It’s been two weeks sober for him now, he’s gone for dinner tonight and this will be the first test for him. Two weeks isn’t enough to be honest but he’s had to make a lot of his manager redundant today so seeing them off. I might your ladies advice tomorrow if he relapses. Again he hasn’t made any indication of when he wants to see me again, I surprised him by driving for 4 hours last weekend and I think it threw him off. He has a plan in his head what he was going that night before work and I felt that uncomfortable I drove back home. I drove for 9 hours with an hour break.

[gabbyf]

I thought the same but they don’t handle addiction well and I see more and more how much they enable so I guess we can all judge each other. I just have to move on and ignore them.

I guess I didn’t appreciate the communication. I’m glad he did. I think what you did was lovely and it’s a shame it didn’t work out. Give him a bit of space and time maybe? If he keeps pushing you away then ask him whether he wants you in his life or not and if not then he should be honest and not contact you. It would be painful but at least you’d know.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Gabby,

I’m so sorry to read your post and see how uncertain you feel in what to do next. It’s a really hard decision for you. If you would like some help please contact us at The Icarus Trust.

We are a charity that provides support for people who are dealing with the addictive behaviour of a partner or family member. We have very experienced people who, if you get in touch, you could talk with. Maybe that might help you see a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps.

Good luck.

[gabbyf]

Thank you so much. I’ll definitely be in touch.

[frh92]

Hello,

I thought I would jump onto this chat too! I have recently spilt up with the father of my child after 10 years of being together. he is addicted to cocaine and has done it even since he was 18, he is turning 31 soon. he has been in and out of taking the drug, but in reality it has always been there. i always knew that he done it but until we brought a flat together i realised how bad it was.

I constantly thought that if i carried on with a normal way of life, getting a flat together and starting a family would somehow hit a reset button for him. but it just doesn’t work like that. I didn’t dare tell my family about his addiction as i wanted to keep up appearances that we were a “perfect” family, but all I was doing was mentally torturing myself and not looking after me, my son or my mental health. He would blame me for being so persistent on telling him not to do drugs that pushed him further and further into a black hole and i would just sit there beside myself, i have never felt so alone.

Through this whole time my relationship with him wasn’t working and we would just coexist in each other’s company. At times it would get violent towards each other because of the toxicity of the drugs and the amount he was doing. I was surviving on little money trying to pay off every bill we were in arrears with slowly and getting enough food to feed us and our child. Trying to keep up appearances of bringing up a child and being a good mum. Constantly posting on social media a life that really wasn’t what I was living.

We are still living together pending the sale of our flat that I was so desperately trying to keep hold of. But the reality is, it needs to go. I need a fresh start and somewhere that doesn’t hold the screams and sorrow in the walls. The option to buy him out was not accepted as in his words “if I’m going down, you’re going down with me” and that’s fine. But what he doesn’t realise that now he’s gone, its only up from here.

It has taken me a loooong time to realise what is the most important thing to me. and that’s me and my son. You need to look after yourself even how hard that might seem right now. Try to write down the things that make you happy even if its something small like watching a TV series or having a bath, and try to do at least one thing that day.

I am coming to a end of a chapter, but i am scared as to what lies ahead. I am scared that if he looks after my little boy ever night will he be doing drugs? what would he do if anything happened to our little boy and he was too intoxicated to do anything about it. My son is the only good thing that has come out of our relationship. I feel a lot of guilt for my son. To begin with I resented the fact that me and his dad were so rubbish and it must be having children that ruin a relationship but that’s not the case it was the addiction and the relationship that i was forcing that ruins the partnership. my son is the light at the end of the tunnel. The reason why I changed, and I didn’t even see it.

If he is willing to get help, then let him do exactly that. Support him by asking him about the group and the people he met there. Maybe do something after that both previously made you happy, go for a walk or a drive. I find that going on a road trip helps as you don’t have the intensity of looking at each other and the words just come out. But you need to understand that it doesn’t just stop straight away, there will be bumps and you need to be there to guide him in the right direction. My mistake that i feel i was making was i told him how to feel and what to do instrad of just asking him and listening.

[gabbyf]

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply but with this whole isolation thing, I’ve had some ups and downs.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this but I’m glad you do have your son.

He says he wants to get help but doesn’t. We’re supposed to be in quarantine but he went to see someone last week, ended up drinking and coming back home after 11pm. He left again yesterday and hasn’t come back.

I’ve tried to support him. I’ve gone to Al-anon, I’ve tried to work on myself and not tell him what to do and I’ve tried to support him but he doesn’t want to help himself and to be honest, I’m fed up. I love him but I’m not in love with him if that makes sense? He doesn’t see that he’s two different people and it breaks my heart to think that I’m going to lose my best friend but if I don’t take a step back now, I know I’ll only be harming myself even more. His behaviour has been selfish and it disgusts me that even now when everyone is doing their bit, he has to go drinking and smoking weed. I just feel lost and alone and it hurts I can’t even be around family…

I wish you all the luck in your fresh start. You and your child are the most important things at the end of the day!

[harl]

Have you ever tried to leave him to

Show him an ultimatum at all? Or would that cause more grief than putting yourself through pain? It is hard when you have a child, I really feel your pain.

My boyfriend has since gone awol after going to dinner Yesterday he told me last that he has still not had a drink and doesn’t plan too (Which I replied at the time I was proud of him) however hasn’t answered the phone all day today. I know he’s relapsed it’s too soon for him to be around people who drink. I’m guessing he’s probably feeling ashamed right now and that’s why he isn’t answering the phone? He did tell me if he fails this time that he would be in a very dark place, so I’m

Not sure how to react to this now shall I just texted and tell him That it’s ok we can start again etc? Show support? I’m half tempted to drive to see him again as it’s much more effective but don’t want that to cause more upset x

[frh92]

I’ve taken the step every recently to spilt up with him. it has been so difficult because i always wanted to perceive to everyone that i had a perfect life and i would cover up his addiction to my family. Although my sister is a senior mental health nurse she knew what was going on. I opened up to her and she was so understanding. she told us exactly what groups to go to and there were so many around where we live. he went to about 3 meetings in total before he thought that he was better than anyone else there. and then my sisters opinions got in the way of what would be professional help and it got all too confusing. i know that all she wanted to do was to protect me, but all i wanted to do was protect him and we would fight with each other about it.

Over time i have given him so many ultimatums. i recently kicked him out last year in October because i found out he was taking drug with his step mum, when we were at a fireworks event at the local pub, and he confessed after. i just thought to myself that there is no getting away from it even his family were allowing him to take drugs knowing that he was an addict. it was heartbreaking.

i took him back in December because i knew deep down that it would be our last Christmas together and i wanted it be one that our son wouldn’t forget, even though he is only 2! but as always the drugs crept back in and it just got worst. he is a shift worker and will do nights. he would come home at 7am and do drugs while the little one was eating his breakfast. he would be so paranoid that someone would come into the flat and would constantly check windows and doors. it was just so painful to see. i would shout at him that if he was going to do it to stay in the bedroom, but he always came out to check if our son was ok as he was paranoid that something has gone wrong with him. My son would get upset and so would i. i would have to get my son dressed and just run out anywhere for the whole day until i knew it was safe to go back in.

my partner always done drugs after a night out, it just went hand in hand for him. He would stay at a friends house and not answer the phone to me after a night out. he would say to me that he was ashamed of what he had done and didn’t want to talk to me.

The best thing would to give him some time to think about what he has done. He will speak to you, but i wouldn’t do it until he wanted to talk to you. Be strong no matter how hard you are tempted to talk to him, call a friend or a family member instead and chat about something else to take your mind off it until he texts or calls. And when he does, and if he does confess about him taking drugs and drinking, just ask him why he done it and what do you think temped him to? was it the people or the situation? and ask him if he wants to stop what does he think is the catalysis to begin with. and if you still want to be together then tell him that, tell him that you want to help him and he has your support. But i wouldn’t drive there. You need to think about yourself at the same time, take this time to write a few things down that could possible help him. xx

[frh92]

But what I think I have realised is that you cant enable it, i allowed him to take it in the family home as I was scared as to where he would end up taking it, that he might be in danger where ever he was. he would steal money from me and not pay bills for months. but the truth is we cannot control them. there has to be a point where you draw a line in the sand and just say no, no matter how hard it may be. There is a difference between wanting help and talking about it, then actually taking into action what they say. Addiction makes people egotistical and manipulative. My ex partner used to say anything to get me off his back.

Stay strong xx

[harl]

Thank you for your advice – it turns out he has his son last night and has got up to attend a PT session this morning. I shouldn’t judge and think the worse I suppose but that’s what living so far does to you. He’s boasted that he’s 15 days sober (that’s how long I haven’t seen him for). I just hope he keeps it up as if he does fail I think it will be a huge downer for him which I can imagine he won’t let me in.

If your husbands step mum is condoning it then it’s almost making it look like it’s only you that has a problem with it! I can see your almost fighting a losing battle. My boyfriend has a 2 year old son with his ex wife so since sober he’s been doing more productive things with him it’s almost like he feels guilty for being hungover since he was born. It really helps to off load on you on this so thank you very much x

[frh92]

It does make you think the worse and then feel guilty after they were doing something so innocent! I have been there too!

That’s such good news that he is 15 days sober, I really hope for his sake and for you that he remains sober. Is there a reason why you haven’t seen him for that long? Is it just a distant thing?

I think its like a secret club of users. Unfortunately his sister, step mum and himself fit into that club. They all do it together at times. His step mum and dad are still together but his dad has no idea that his step mum does it too. Should i tell him or keep well out as its not my business? The worst thing is i think she is taking the piss out of her life, she has had breast cancer for the second time now and has just had a mastectomy, but she has been using throughout her treatment. It makes me so angry that she could do that and that there are people out there suffering with cancer and i fell she just laughing at it. i don’t know i’m going off on one now but i just cant contain all this anger i have towards this drug.

it feels good too, i don’t think i have ever been this honest about everything that has happened to me! xx

[harl]

I usually go down to see him every other weekend when he has his son and he comes up to me when he doesn’t. So we’ve seen each other every weekend since we met back in November, however since the last time he drank and I told him it wasn’t normal that he drank and did drugs every weekend, we didn’t argue I was just a little off and distant that evening from him. He’s asked me for some space and to leave him to “soul search” whilst he tries to fix himself. This has been his lifestyle for ten years. My worry is that he doesn’t come back to me however we are still talking everyday however not as close as we was for example he no longer says I love you or I miss you etc (only past two weeks) I’m just putting that down to him being in a mixed up emotional state with himself at the moment. He tells me he just needs to get himself in a good place and that he doesn’t want to lose me or hurt me. I just need to hopefully give it another week if he stays sober and hopefully he will start talking about coming to see me or me going to see him again. It’s killing me not knowing what he’s thinking about me and us but I suppose that needs to wait if he’s 15 days sober and hopefully he comes back to me.

Regarding his step mum using I would say anything to his dad as it may effect your relationship with him however if she has an episode where she does it with your partner again then you need to have that conversation with her as it’s effecting your relationship direct.

He hasn’t got the right people around him has he do any of his friends take them as much as he does? He’s going to have to take himself out of that lifestyle or situation.

[frh92]

No he hasn’t got the right people around him at all. All of his friends use including his work colleagues. He has lost the friends he had that didn’t use cocaine because he was in such a mess. That’s why I feel a lot of guilt as really I’m the only person he has and now I’ve decided to spilt up with him because of the drug taking.

Because we are still living together he still thinks that we are still in a relationship. But in my head I know that we are not. And the flat is in on the market. He has been really sweet organising mother’s day meal at home for me and then he pulled out a bottle of wine and I’m just thinking to myself I know where tomorrow is heading now. He ruined my first ever mother’s day as a mum by taking drugs all night and I can just see it happening again.

Regarding the step mum, I texted her the night after it all happened saying that I was disappointed that she offered him drugs and she knew full well the situation we was in. She never texted back. Instead she has totally stopped talking to me and to be honest I am really not bothered. She is not instrumental in my life what so ever. It’s sad it’s got this way and I still speak to her daughter who has a child a year younger than mine. He daughter has no idea why we don’t speak. I’m sure her mum has make up some b*llsh*t story to cover it all up. I’ve come to a point where I don’t care if people talk about me, I know the truth.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend needs some space. It’s really difficult when someone tells you that as it can feel like rejection, but it’s not. It’s a good thing that he trying to sort himself out. But don’t live your life thinking, is he going to talk or want to see my this weekend? It will drive you nuts! I found myself living through my partner and not really having a life of my own and pandering to his every need. I guess it’s all that you can think about at the moment right? The thing is we as partners are so desperate to just sort everything out. for it to be all ok. The painful truth of it all is they will get the help when they are ready. What I’ve learnt is that I don’t have a influence of when this will happen. Just be there for that moment. Even though me and my ex aren’t together when that day comes I will do everything I can to support him.

[harl]

I’ve just received this via text message

My heart is broken

I hope you had a nice day,

I know I haven’t been in touch. I’ve been deep in thought and I suppose I haven’t had the answers you probably want to hear therefore I’ve been avoiding it.

If I’m honest I still don’t know how I am feeling about us. I don’t know why but it just feels my heart isn’t in it right now. Maybe that’s because I have everything else going on and I’m just concentrating on me.

I am always mindful that I am leaving you out in the cold which bothers me. You know I think the world of you, I really do, which is why I’ve wanted to just sit on my feelings and hope they resurfaced.

I don’t know what is going on with me and why I feel so flat in terms of us.

I know it doesn’t help with all this going on.

I felt like giving you an honest account of how I am feeling and a bit of a heads up.

Of course I am happy to talk on the phone I just don’t want to hear you upset because it breaks my heart.

I am happy for us to meet when we can and talk. xx

[frh92]

Hi,

I did have the reply written out but it didn’t let me reply last night for some reason!

it does sound so heartbreaking, I really hope you are coping ok.

That’s really good that he is clean, and you have been there for him. i just think that he seems to be dealing with it in his own way, and that seems to be a very solo journey for him.

Did you reply to his message? xx

[harl]

Thank you for your advice. I’ve read others that have been victim of the same things although whilst under the influence of drugs – however he’s going on 3 weeks sober, his head will now be clear, I’ve helped him come to terms with his abuse and that it isn’t normal and he does this! I’m just heartbroken x

[harl]

Hi

Well my initial thoughts were, you can see me and tell me to my face that’s the least you owe me. I’ve been his rock through his divorce and the sale of his business which he found hard to let go. My boyfriends wealthy so always thought his habits were OK as he can still run a business.

After sitting on his text on Tuesday night I replied yesterday. It all unravelled. He basically was putting off speaking to me because he doesn’t know how he feels at the moment. He describes it as numb and emotionless. He says he avoided contacting me because he knew this would upset me so he blocked it out and pretended it wasn’t happened with a view to hoping his feelings would re surface once he gets himself better.

He said lockdown has been the best thing for him, he’s getting up training eating well and going to bed and that’s all he knows right now. He also opened up about some home truths of just how bad his addiction has been in the past which I didn’t know.

He said he needs to do this journey on his own and that he will not be the same person he used to be when he comes out of this. There are times when he has been low (three week sober today) really low but he’s getting better and better each day. He’s taking himself through abstinence and it’s seems to be working because he’s doing a lot of reading to educate himself on what’s happening to his mind.

He did say he still loves me and I’m the most selfless person he’s ever met and that he prays that he comes out of this and we’ll be OK.

I just need to leave him to find himself. That may mean he totally doesn’t recall any feelings for me in the future and that’s the end of us or maybe he does. But even he doesn’t know himself x

[frh92]

All i can say to this is that i really wish my Ex was in the same position as what your boyfriend is in now. Its so good that he wants to change. and i would be hurt too if he wouldn’t let me in and see how he is changing and the progress that is he making.

So what is the next step, you just stop talking to him until he is ready to talk to you again? I think from what he has said to you already that he will recall the feelings he has for you, just don’t hang onto his every word, you will only hurt yourself in that process.

Hope you are ok and keeping safe in times like this xx

[harl]

Your ex still may have that same moment – he described it as a eureka moment where he realised he needed to change his life before it was too late. There is still time and I hope that happens soon for you.

Yes I plan to leave him be now until he starts loving himself. I am not going to lie the only way I think I can get through this is with a hope he comes back to me when he’s better. I’m going to miss him so much. I genuinely can’t see myself with anyone else and I’m 33. I wanted children and to marry that man and I’ve never felt like that before.

You are right and I agree I can’t hang on to his every word and in time I think that feeling with lessen but right now I can’t bear to think of not having a life without him so for the time being I’m getting by with thinking it’s short term xx

[gabbyf]

I’m so sorry that it worked out that way but at least he was honest and you know that if he comes back it will be genuine.

Actions speak louder than words and for me, the actions have been selfish and dismissive of me no matter how I try to get us to move forward. I feel like I’ve been led on and lied to when all he had to do was be honest about everything and it hurts. You will get your happy ending no matter what and always remember your worth. You sound like an amazing person and either he or someone else will show you that. xx

[harl]

You are so lovely thank you – I hope you’re partner wakes up one day and realises that he can’t go on the way he is or he’ll lose you. It’s almost like your fighting a losing battle as the drugs will always win with an addiction. He will wake up one day and want to change hopefully that day won’t come too late for you.

After checking in with him yesterday and giving he space he replied and said the last 5 days has not been good for him and his will power has been tested. He’s going through the divorce financial part with his ex who he shares a 2 year old child with. She turned around and asked for more money out of the settlement which has caused him more stress and he tells me he really doesn’t want to break. He doesn’t want to have to go to court. It’s was actually nice for him to soften up a little and reach out to me. He said let’s catch up on FaceTime or a call tomorrow but haven’t heard from him since and he didn’t pick up my call today. He must be up and down. I’ll go back to giving him space but I’m guessing in this situation is he being tested with his sobriety and this is through his ex wife and has nothing to do with me. I need to keep myself busy and not worry whether this is going to make him break after today marking the forth week! X

[harl]

Whenever your on a down day feel free to reach out and rant on here. Always helps that is what I do with you x

[Author]

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