[anon2000]

Hello. Me and my brother are a few years apart and have always been best friends. I am in my early twenties and he is a few years younger.

I live with my partner and have done for 5 years, I go to work and uni. My brother has had severe mental health issues paired with prescription drugs/ recreational drugs and basically every narcotic and substance that is available to him. He lives with my mother, which is obviously extremely stressful for her, she works full time and so does my dad who he sees regularly.

My brother had something very bad happen to him when my mother eve thrall did the painful deed of getting him to stay in emergency accommodation last year as he was a danger to himself and others (baring in mind we had tried multiple times to get him help/ in rehab but in the U.K. it is not that simple).

For the last year he’s been alright, holding down a job and you know going through the motions and not a problem to live with at ALL to my mother.

About 2 weeks ago, unfortunately heroin made its way back in to the picture, crack, valium, vodka, everything. The last 4 days he’s been in COMPLETE psychosis. He’s stayed at my dads for the last 4 days because my had had time off work and let my mother have a break from dealing with this. He was ok but is in withdrawal of course, and today he has been begging for help. He then got irate, ran ourside with a knife running in front of cars sayinf if you do not run me down I’ll kill myself, he is desperate to kill himself and he doesn’t want to live any longer. The police came and ambulance as this was in public and sectioned him (for now) but this stuff has happened over 10 times (not this serious ever but he has taken overdoses etc) and they never ever keep him in. There’s not much help here unfortunately.

I am just absolutely mortified that we are completely helpless. He is the most kind, loving person in the world – but not when his addiction is present- he’s dangerous and cannot be around my family I simply can’t allow that, at the same time when he starts to sober up and shows some lucidity he is so apologetic and desperate it is so upsetting. He is just a boy looking for help.

What the HELL am I meant to do? I feel so sorry for my parents. I feel sorry for my brother. Please if someone could just share their experience or advice that would b so kind

[jaynhissay]

Hi anon2020 I’m sorry to hear of your situation. I am an addict that has been addicted to crack and heroin although I’m not using any class A’s at the moment but I’m smoking cannabis which helps fight the internal battle I am having on a daily basis to not use crack. I have also been in a drug induced psychosis state and made attempts on my life to make it all stop. Hopefully with the police sectioning your brother and if he is honest with them about his dependency this is how I managed to get into rehab. I spoke to an organisation called calico and it was them who helped me out

[anon2000]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and your internal battle. My brother also needs cannabis he said it helps more than most things, but unfortunately he is on a concoction of abour 10 different drugs paired with bottles of vodka a day the last few days. He’s there now and it’s been about 9 hours since he got sectioned but I am absolutely praying he’s truthful to them and they’ll keep him in, I do not see how they could discharge someone who ran out in to the road with a knife in public threatening to Jill themselves thinking they are in another world, surely?

I hope you are doing alright and I’m glad you’ve found this forum to share and relate and talk. It’s much better than holding it in.

[jaynhissay]

Yes it definitely is better to be talking about everything rather than just keeping it bottled up.

My hope when I joined the forum was to be able to share my experiences of active addiction and to try to give some hope to the families still suffering. Have you managed to speak to the hospital or the police at all?

[anon2000]

He’s been sectioned on section 2 and can’t come out for 28 days now. We aren’t allowed to visit because of covid 🙁 but this is the best outcome as horrid as it sounds

[jaynhissay]

Yes that sounds like it is the best outcome. At least he will be able to detox in a controlled environment and hopefully he’s told them the truth about his situation and this gives you a break too doesn’t it.

[markgt]

Dear Annon2020

My name is Mark, Your story is upsetting. I have probably not got the format of this right at all. My beautiful wife has taken to drink after redundancy but I also feel completely powerless to help her.

Sorry this is no help, just a virtual hug from a man who is not equipped to deal with this. I wish you and your Brother well.

M

[anon2000]

Mark. I am sending you a virtual hug back. This is so distressing and the feeling of helplessness is absolutely all consuming. I wish all of us on this forum could meet in person and talk. It’s really hard to talk in this format but better than nothing!

[ivy]

My son behaves like your brother Annon2020. I understand exactly how you feel regarding him being sectioned for 28 days. It must be such a relief for you knowing that at he is safe and receiving professional help. My son was sectioned too about three years ago, but they let him out after only a few days. He was put into temporary accommodation, but was just left there on his own and he deteriorated. When the Covid came He was moved into a B&B for a few months and now he Is homeless again. He begs to fund his addictions ( though this isn’t going well as people don’t tent to carry cash as much due to the Covid ), although he never has enough money because he doesn’t have a switch off bitten. He uses until he becomes unconscious or overdoses. He sleeps where he passes out. People just walk past.

During the past month he has been hospitalised four times. The first two times he was found on the pavement overdosed. The third time he collapsed and landed on his ankle which broke under the pressure. This last time, about 10 days ago he was attacked by dealers whom he owns £60 to . They told him if they didn’t get their money, they would stab him. He was admitted to hospital and had emergency surgery on his arms. He had held them over his head as he was being hit to protect his face. The hospital wanted to keep him in for a day or so after the surgery, but he bolted.

There are free phones in the city Centre and he calls me, but as cruel as this may sound I cannot help. I have been paying his drug debts for years and have lost thousands of pounds.

I also can’t let him into my house as he can be dangerous and the police never do anything to help. I am on my own. My sons father died of cancer 12 years ago, round about the time my son went off the rails. I have tried everything humanly possible to get help for my son, but am met with “ he needs to want to stop “ He does! He just can’t do it on his own. He wishes he was dead, and things have become so bad, well it seems to me that soon he will just become another statistic, as in my experience the authorities etc just don’t care. The social services have been appalling. Both of us have just been left to cope on our own.

Sorry for high jacking your thread. Sorry if I sound bitter.

Ivy x

[anon2000]

Hi ivy,

I am absolutely sick to my core to say the exact same thing has happened to my brother, and he got released yesterday after pleading with the staff not to let him out.

Within an hour, he had attempted to take his own life 4 times in front of me using a knife, the police came and took him to hospital for his wounds and is now back in the f ward where this cycle is going to happen again.

I emphasise with you so deeply. They say they same thing about ‘sorting the drugs out first’ well he WANTS to but he takes drugs to deal with his mental trauma! They treated me so badly when I went to get him yesterday because my parents wouldn’t because they can’t have him in our homes he is a danger to himself and others. My mother brought him home to sort out temporary accommodation and because of covid they haven’t let him in anywhere so he got hopeless and psychotic again (without drugs) and started to hurt himself and almost bled out.

I am not sure I can do this all over again Ivy when he gets released. I can’t believe how badly the NHS mental health service is

[icarus-trust]

Hi Anon2000

Thanks for sharing your story. The impact of your brother’s addiction is obviously having a huge impact on you and your family and I’m sorry that you feel so helpless.

Please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to the family around the addict as we know how very hard it is to manage. If you get in touch, one of our trained and experienced people would contact you and you may find it helpful to talk with them about what support is available.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you and your family.

[clare57]

Hi Anon2000. I am sorry you are going through this. Please know you are not alone. My brother is a severe alcoholic and we have tried to help him for well over a decade now. Its making myself and my family ill. I am suffering with really bad anxiety and i try and pretend it doesn’t bother me that much to my parents so i don’t stress them more but really it is killing me.

Have you heard of the 12 step process? My brother did this in rehab but unfortunately, due to his mental state, he relapsed and that is actually why i have joined this forum.

I really hope he gets sorted, truly. I know the pain is unbearable and when you speak of feeling so sorry for your family, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I hope this forum makes you feel even just slightly better

[anon2000]

Hi Claire, I am so so so sorry you’re going through this. I am also to the point where my eyes are black from being traumatised and sick with worry. I have 2 jobs and doing a masters degree and I am holding on to my sanity by the skin of my teeth, I’m only 23 and I don’t know if I can cope much longer feeling this way. I feel as if the Nhs are failing my family.

Yes I am looking in to a 12 step program right now. at this point we are desperate.

I’m so sorry about your brother relapsing. Please reply I’d like to talk to you more, it seems like we need eachother in this.

[clare57]

Hiya Anon. I am so sorry???? it’s so not fair and it’s so so difficult to try and live your life when all this is happening. I am 25 and find I am never actually focusing on my life and I’m sure this is the same for you.

I completely agree with you in regards to the NHS. I still don’t think they take it seriously and really do think that alcoholics/drug addicts are worthless when in reality, they’ve no idea what they’ve been through or how hard life has been for them to use alcohol or drugs.

I really really hope that you can get your brother into the 12 step programme. It was really good, just my brother needs extra help in addition with alcohol.

[anon2000]

hi guys. update.

my brother got released from section despite begging not to be allowed out.

within a couple of hours, i was frantically calling a police and ambulance as my brother had used a kitchen knife to slice up his arms and get in to his arteries to die. same thing happened, police came and took him to hospital, got seen and no mental health assessment and released, ward f wouldn’t take him. more neglect of a vunerable person.

he’s been holding on all day while me and my family try to find urgent inpatient care for him, which is not easy and not getting anywhere.

because my brother has been coming off opiates, his body is in physical pain too. my mother rang the GP to get him urgent withdrawal meds. they shunned her, like always.

this is the last straw. i wrote an email to my MP which actually resulted in a phone call from a mp that has actually gone further and is urgently trying to find us help as she believes this is atrocious and should not happen.

my brother has been off substances for 4 days now, and tried his best today until we found him some help, but unfortunately whilst my mother was upstairs he got out of the house and found drugs to self medicate to ease the symptoms of withdrawal. this is bad news as now if help does come, he may be so intoxicated they cant do a mental health assessment on him.

i am so annoyed, this is absolute neglect and it seems like you are all getting it too.

[clare57]

So sorry ???? it’s just so unfair all this stuff has to happen. I really hope the MP gives a sufficient response, they need to!! This cannot keep happening, they cannot keep treating people this way.

[ivy]

Hi Anon2000, just noticed this update.

Fantastic news about your MP

I thought about that one time , but couldn’t muster the energy.

Perhaps I will in the future.

Well done

Ivy x

[ivy]

Dear Anon2020

This is terrible. I’m sorry I can’t reassure you. I do emphasise with you completely.

I think when they self harm it’s because the emotional pain becomes too much to bear, they are overwhelmed and they have to inflict physical pain as a distraction. The momentarily feel relief, though it’s short lived. It’s a dreadful, damaging, vicious cycle.

Once when my son was in the full throws of a psychotic episode he set fire to

his hands.

I took him to the hospital. We waited about an hour to be seen. He was given an IV antibiotic and his hands were dressed by a nurse. We waited to speak to a Dr. about his mental health and addictions. There was nothing the Dr could do. I wanted my son to be admitted and for a psychiatrist to section him. We were told that his life wasn’t in danger and his injuries would eventually heal. I argued that he was a danger to himself. The Dr disagreed. We were sent away.

I don’t blame the Drs. Their hands are tied by bureaucracy – ie the Goverment. I thank the nurse for tending to his wounds and administrating the antibiotic which stopped any infection from destroying his hands further. The people who work in the NHS are mostly angles. They do what they can and more. A few weeks ago my son was admitted for emergency surgery. On numerous other occasions they have resuscitated him after overdose. Patched up wounds and more. I am so grateful to the people who work for the NHS. However, I agree entirely that there is no budget or near enough facilities or help for the mentally ill or the severely addicted. The NHS is on its knees. What is happening to your brother is neglect. I hope they admit him this time.

Back to my own story, sorry. My son had his own flat at the time so I went home with him and stayed there for a few days to keep an eye on him and change his dressings. In amongst my grief it was also a nice time for me as I was able to nurse him and feed him and we talked , shared memories, hugged and watched films on TV.

It wasn’t too long after this that my son changed from smoking heroin to injecting it.

I don’t want to frighten you or anyone who might read this. My son tried to hang himself. He was saved and taken to hospital. The Dr there wanted to discharge him after one night. I managed to convince a psychiatrist to sanction him. He was taken to a place to be assessed. The relief I felt me was immense. My son was alive and he would be safe and be helped. Three days later he was discharged. “ The patient is not perceived as a danger to himself or others “ He was offered antidepressants with no aftercare they let him walk out without even letting his family know. He phoned and my mother took him in for as long as she was able to cope.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this with your brother. I am sorry you are both suffering. I am sorry we are all struggling.

I have no answers or solution. Mental health needs a bigger platform . Society needs to band together and stand up for what’s right.

No one is immune anymore and this pandemic isn’t helping. More people are showing signs.

Anon200, You need to go and speak to your GP. They will give you a sick note for work. They will help YOU . You can’t do this on your own anymore. You need a break. You deserve to be at home where you can concentrate on your studies and rest in between supporting your family. There is help available for you. You will be offered counselling. Speak to someone at the University should you need extra support regarding your studies. Get in touch with the Social Security if your income is affected.

You clearly love your brother and want him well again, but you are a young woman with a bright future ahead of you and you might need some extra help at this time.

I hope you are gonna be ok.

Ivy x

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