[sew26]

Hi,

This is the first time I have reached out for help. I’ve been living with the consequences of cocaine addiction for the last 2 years.

I knew my partner used recreationally but had assured me he had stopped when we got serious about being together 4 years ago. He didn’t. He used I think recreationally for about 2 years but in Feb 2020 he got a cancer diagnosis (all clear now) and he tells me this is when the abusive use began. He also gambled (around £30k). We own (or owned) a business and would constantly steal money from it (and me one 1 occasion I know about).

He is very aware of his addictions and has tried to get help on and off for the last couple of years. He is a good man but has a very dark side (I assume is the addiction) I’m sure a lot of you can relate he is like Jekyl and Hyde.

I have asked myself time and time again why I stay and I honestly feel so trapped, no one knows exactly the situation I am in as in I haven’t told anyone. I am so lonely.

He believes he needs to go to rehab but running our business and money problems have prevented that. We’ve now lost our business, had to move out of our home, I am personally in thousands of pounds worth of debt because I have been the only one contributing.

I used to be so strong, and never imagined I would have put up with so much without walking away. I have no idea what to do, I just wanted somewhere to share my story and let others know that they are not alone.

[navy]

Hi sew26

I’m so sorry to hear of your situation but I can relate too.

It’s quite scary how many people are out there in the same situation.

I’ve asked myself the same question why do I stay what’s holding me here. It’s the man I love. I’ve been married 18 years and got him to admit it 5 months ago. But I knew : years prior and asked him but he denied it.

I agree they are like Jekyl & Hyde.

If your partner realises he needs help and is open with you perhaps you can now get him to rehab so you can build your life back together perhaps it’s something you can do together as I believe from reading stories on here that rehab doesn’t have an end date.

You take care of yourself. Your not alone. Well done for reaching out here.

Stay strong

Navy xx

[sew26]

Hi Navy,

It’s good to know we are not alone, but I also feel there is still such stigma attached to drug abuse it truly limits people from reaching out.

I hope so too, I just feel like it is too late for us. I have become a person I do not recognise and have let the anger overtake me.

I am also trying to stay positive though, I truly believe that we are going through this for a reason, whether we make it as a couple or not. Like you said there as so many people like us going through this and mostly suffering in silence I would love to take what has happened to me, begin to heal and then use it to help others.

Loving and hating someone at the same time is so painful. But I love him and hate the addict, not sure if there is ever a way to truly separate them.

Sending Love,

S x

[navy]

Hello Sew26

I’m gutted if it is over for you. I do hope he gets help for himself. Thinking of you.

I totally agree with loving the guy he was and hating the addict they have become.

I’m lost in what to do next, I’m supposed to be going away with him but knowing he still using scares me so much.

Take care and stay strong xx

[Author]

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