[jadey199]

Hiya My boyfriend has recently came out of jail at the end of January due to a robbery he did to pay of a large drug debt he mounted up from having a coke problem I was pregnant at the time so I waited for him for the 3 years all he kept saying how sorry he was and how he was gonna change for me and his son so he came out I assumed everything was going good at first and he was working but after a while I noticed he never seemed to have any money ect but he always denied anything and because he was giving clear drug tests at probation I believed him but a few weeks ago he didn’t come back from work on the Friday and cause he broke his phone I couldn’t get hold of him and I didn’t hear anything of him till the following Wednesday morning but people have been telling me hes been on crack for awhile well he had probation on the Wednesday and because he wasn’t staying at his licenced address and the way he turned up at his probation obviously looking like he had been on a drugs bender they recalled him back to jail I know im better of without him untill he gets help but I’m honestly gutted and so are my children ???? he rang me when he first got to the jail nearly 3 weeks ago but nothing since I cant get my head around it all

[donthaveaclue]

I’m sorry you are going through this. Crack is so highly addictive. He is better away from you, in my opinion. Do your research.

People going through crack addiction seem to think of nothing but the next hit… trying to get high all the time and will do anything to get it…. when they are not doing it they are miserable and can be violent and agreessive on a come down. Not what you want around young children.

I’ve been dealing with this with my child’s father, whom I currently live with, for over like 2 years now and it’s a living nightmare that I’m trying to escape from.

[worriedsister]

I found out my partner does crack…. And I feel like a complete idiot for letting him into mine and my daughters lives.

I had a feeling something wasn’t right and found out from messages on his phone that he was using £300-400 a week when he lived alone and was single.

When we met he obviously never told me and I knew he did the odd line now and again but no clue of this crack habit.

He eventually told me and said he was trying hard to stop it but was finding it tough as it’s so addictive.

He has cut down I know when he’s done even the smallest amount but I don’t think he will ever stop.

He has it every couple of weeks now but I have seen what it does to people and I’ve told him I’m worried he will end up like them.

He works full time job and is so good with my daughter (she isn’t his) it breaks my heart the thought of me breaking her heart if I end up eventually throwing him out?

I don’t want to live like this forever.

I am sorry you are both going through this and it’s so unfair on the children too they are the innocent ones.

Xx

[jadey199]

I’m really sorry your going through it aswel drugs are so destroying and not just for the user ???? I’m not sure how regularly he used I’m still left in the dark at the min luckily he got recalled back to jail so I never seen him after that big bender so he would of had that come down in jail but his probation officer told me he looked really bad his skin was grey he said ????????‍♀️ I cant understand why they wanna do that to themselves I’m just hoping mine gets help while in he’s in jail but I doubt it he couldn’t even admit his problem to me on the phone..does your partner go off on benders to do it?

[donthaveaclue]

Mine does it at home on the regular, so no benders. Just constantly wanting to use daily and then trying to quit when money runs out and then back on it as soon as he can get it etc. He is stuck in a cycle.

I have known other drug users who would go to crack houses… so I know what you mean about the benders.

It gives the person such a (brief) high… they just chase that especially if there are underlying issues such as previous trauma or mental health. For mine it is temporary escapism from his thoughts and emotional pain… but it is ultimately causing him more issues and pain… he just can’t see that properly. It is never the answer.

Unfortunately another factor is who the person hangs around and what dealers have their details. So even if someone is in prison and comes off it in there, when they come out, there may be lots of triggers or people trying to contact them/drag them back into that lifestyle. Mine has told me he is very triggered by alcohol. He also gets very stressed and automatically wants to use/smoke cigarettes and drink… it’s all interlinked.

[jadey199]

it’s a awful situation to be in ???? I’ve got 2 children but only one is his I know there’s no way he would of told me about it because he got sent to jail cuz of drugs last time and he knows he was lucky to get another chance spacially because he failed a drug test before he got sent to prison so when he got out his probation officer made a referral to social services the worst bit is the week he went on a bender we had a social services home visit It’s like he couldn’t give a toss about the kids im so angry and upset with him ???? but like you say it has alot to do with who he hangs around with because he doesn’t really know alot of People where we live has hes originally from Northampton and the only people he knows are bloody sesh heads and drug dealers ???? it’s been 5 weeks now since I last seen him and its been 4 weeks since he’s been back in jail and since I last spoke to him but I get that he knows I’m not waiting for him this time but he’s not even rang the kids It’s like he doesn’t care I feel like I don’t even know him anymore or has he just shown his true colours..it’s broke my heart cuz he is such a nice lad and he used to do alot for me I just feel like crying all the time cuz half of me hates him and the other half of me misses him I feel so sorry for my kids cuz they thought the world of him now hes gone again xx

[worriedsister]

Hopefully yours will get help in prison x

Mine works full time but come the weekend he gets it and doesn’t say anything to me.

It’s like we live separate lives. Today he was round his sisters drinking I went over for a bit to see them then I had to collect my kid.

Then I get home and he’s out talking to my neighbour and I knew he’ was on it.

£20 he reckons.

I don’t know what to do really he says he will stop and just have a blow out once a month but it’s horrible as he’s fucked all weekend roaming around no sleep looking awful.

My girl is 7 and as she gets older she will be working things out I don’t want her seeing him like that.

He says before he moved in here he was doing £300-400 a week

So he’s cut back but won’t stop and it’s ruining us.

It’s been every weekend now he says £40-60 for the past few weeks not once a month sick of it but love him. When he’s not on it he’s good man works etc

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Worried

I’m the same. Our child is getting older (4) and is so perceptive and aware. I can’t hide it eternally… they know something’s up. That’s why I’m trying to get out ASAP. I don’t want our child around the usage, the paranoia/delusions and the comedown. It’s so unstable.

[jadey199]

Thank you I hope so but he hasn’t rang me or the kids at all since he got in their 4 weeks ago I know he knows I’m fuming with him and he knows I know everything now so he won’t want me having a go that’s just what he’s like and he knows I won’t wait for him again but he could still try ringing the kids the selfish idiot I was harsh I called him a Crackhead he hated it but that’s what he is ????????‍♀️ ahhh see their just liars aint they I mean he was locked up before for 3 years without touching anything and from what I was told he pretty much started it all not long after he got out and I literally had no idea but to be fair he was on curfew at his sisters flat for abit so from what I’ve gathered he leaving mine then going back to his sisters flat and having people round on the sesh I’m so angry with him I’ll never trust a word he says again he promised me when he was in jail before he wouldn’t touch drugs again I’ve wasted 3 of my life waiting for nothing ???? worst thing is I’ve been told by his sister he’s done crack while looking after our 3 year old son which obviously I’m fuming with her aswel for not telling me any of this at the time…I Really hope yours can stop I feel so sorry for you its horrible..could I ask how can you tell hes on it I honestly feel like a idiot cuz I haven’t been able to tell I only know because he went on a 5 day bender x

[donthaveaclue]

I’ve called mine a crackhead too. It’s hard not to view the person like that when that’s what they are doing all the time.

Could you write to him in prison? He needs to face up how his behaviour affects you and the child you share.

Unfortunately, the people I know who are crack users and end up in prison tend to use when they get out. I think it’s because it goes with a lifestyle and like you said, their friendships or acquaintances tend to also be users stuck in the same cycle. When they get out it’s hard to readjust to life outside prison and if they don’t have a job then there’s loads of free time doing nothing, which can cause an issue.

[worriedsister]

Hi ????????

Sorry not been on here for a while….

Hope you’re both ok x

When my partner is on it he changes….

He is on a ‘high’ can be quite excited and upbeat… goes red under his eyes , gurns if he’s just done it.

Won’t sit still paranoid behaviours. Talks sh#t to people.

Cleans up sometimes lol

Hyped up

But I’m sick of it…. it’s after that drives me mad, not sleeping for 2 days this weekend roaming around looking like death, itching his skin. I can’t stand it anymore.

My partner isn’t my child’s dad…, he’s been in our lives a while living with us for over a year she’s mad about him… and this is what breaks my heart.

Her own dad is useless doesn’t bother and now she says she has a proper dad.

Obviously I love him too but I sit most weekends and. Cry.

Cry coz I feel guilty for having him here.

Cry coz I feel trapped because I don’t want to break my little girls heart chucking him out.

Cry coz I just want us all to be normal when he’s not on it.

He tells me he wants to stop but I guarantee you he won’t. He doesn’t even try… they constantly chasing that first hit which they won’t ever get again.

It’s heart breaking I can’t live like this much more.

But don’t want my little girl to hurt like she has with her own dad. But then keeping him here eventually if he doesn’t change will cause hurt too. I feel stuck x

[Boredofit89]

Hi Jadey

I know you posted this along time ago but wondered how your situation is now?

I am in near enough the same situation  you were in. Reading this thread was like listening to my own story.

 

Thanks

[Author]

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