[rubikscubeofyou]

I am a stay at home mom to a 3 and 5 year old. My husband started a new job recently (which took extremely hard to find after being unemployed last year) and it’s been extremely stressful for him. I learned today that he’s been using heroin (or anything he can get like it) for the past few years. Supposedly before it was just recreationally and sporadically because we didn’t have much money to spare on it, but since the stress of the job, he became a regular user multiple times a day (small amounts supposedly). He tried to stop recently, he used Friday night, skipped Saturday and Sunday but on Monday he was so sick during work (he works remote) that he had to run out and get some during his lunch break. He realized that he can’t work through the withdrawal and that’s when he finally told me about it all. I am heartbroken by it. I had no idea. Looking back there were lots of signs but I always wrote it off of believed him when he said “it’s just cbd or weed” because I have no experience in this arena. I feel like such a fool. With that being said he never seemed like he was high. Tired from work maybe but he never seemed like he was in some sort of drug induced stupor. And after work he would have energy and focus to play with the kids so I don’t know the amounts he was using. I found out he’s spent $1400 within the last month in drugs. I have no idea what we are going to do as a family. If he tries to quit cold turkey (with my help) he thinks he can get clean with my help but his work doesn’t give sick days and he hasn’t been there long enough to have much PTO. He has been struggling at the job (I believed it was disorganization but now I see clearly why). If he gets too sick to work he’ll probably get fired, which is what will happen with the withdrawal. We recently started renting a new place because of his new job. We can’t afford it if he loses his job. I work from home as well but it’s minimum wage contract work and we can’t afford to live off of that alone. I have no idea what to do. He wants to quit and get clean before the addiction gets worse and I of course want that too but I’m also scared about how he’ll probably be fired by the end of this week due to poor performance. I’m scared about this journey. I’m scared about losing our home and the instability it will cause our little kids. I feel so alone and hopeless. I want to tell my family but I don’t want them to hate him for this. I don’t want my kids to find out (the oldest is 5). I don’t want to be told to take the kids and divorce him. I feel so lost.

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