[oiley]

Hi, first time doing this. Get straight to it. I realise there are sometimes no excuses, and certainly in my case no blame.

My marriage broke up about 6 months ago. I started using cocaine and progressively it got out of hand. Affecting my family, finances and job.

It seemed to slap me hard all of a sudden. I couldn’t believe how I ended up so lost. I have 2 great kids, 3 and 6. I have people that try to look out for me. And I now have the opportunity to get things back on track with a new job.

The job starts in 4 days and I’m gutted as there will be a urine drug test which I know I will fail due to the heavy use over the last 3 months.

None the less I’m determined. And am staying clean between now and the job start in 4 days. So far so good.

Oddly I already feel better by getting this off my chest. But i will still have the anxiety and guilt to deal with going forward.

So that leaves me back to myself. Stupid for not being strong enough to sort myself out. And now it may be too little too late.

I’m not sure what I will do or tell the ex if I lose this appointment. But, I have gotten myself out of difficult times before. This will be no different.

Reading other people’s stories was heartbreaking and also reminded me I’m not alone. I don’t know why I’m reluctant to contact the drug counselor to start down that path, again, just stupid of me. But after finding this site, and in a way being encouraged to do all I can due to the powerful experiences others have shared, I’m sure things will work out 1 way or another.

Thanks for listening.

Kind regards

Oiley

[Author]

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