[polarbear]

New to here but feeling that after 30 years I need to do something more than worry about this. My husband has always been a pretty heavy drinker on the whole. He would acknowledge that he has poor relationship with alcohol and at times he can go for days without drinking. When he does though he mostly ends up quite drunk – often drinks alone on his own and when drunk is vacant and a completely different person.

At worst when very drunk on odd occasions he is slurry, difficult and easily upset and just not nice to be around.

Both our grown up children have concerns over his drinking. He also has related health issues due to his weight and smoking. Many times over the years I have asked him to think about how his drinking affects us all. He knows he has an issue but doesn’t acknowledge how it affects the family. Am I over-reacting because he doesn’t actually do anything awful it’s just he is not someone I want to be with when he drinks. I just feel so helpless.

[pat56]

Well it was similar for me, but he hid it so well. I’d just got used to him sleeping most of the day, being depressed and unable to think. He hid the drinking so well, that we did not realise the cause. He’s not your noisy drunk, and blamed it all on his ill health and mine.

He’s getting help now, but finds it very hard to be self aware, eg re his behaviour and how it impacts on us. He’s been very depressed and he’s a bit better but still low. He can’t see he’s ever was depressed nor how he is now. I’ve had to tell him the impact it’s had on us, many times. He wouldn’t have worked it out for himself. I’d kept a diary during my own illness, so I had lots of specific examples to use. He, of course, couldn’t remember them, but it meant he couldn’t convince me that it didn’t happen.

Everyone is different, but the “ when you do …….., I feel………. “ approach has helped me. Just saying it released tension I didn’t know I had. I hope things improve.

[forestcat1]

My H has been a functioning alcoholic for 20 years due to work stress. It came to a head last year when he was made redundant and his drinking got much worse. He was desperate for an escape, was contacted by his first girlfriend who’s also in a mess with anorexia and anxiety issues and they’re now moving in together. As you can imagine I’m finding this very hard because I put up with the alcoholic depression for years, now he’s stopped drinking but left me. I’m told he’s just escaping and putting a patch on a wound so I really don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s a tough road. Hope things improve for you too.

[Author]

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