I am so sorry that you are in this horrible situation which must seem so much worse in lock down. I’m sorry that you feel that you can’t talk to anyone. I imagine that must make you feel very lonely.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support to people, like yourself, who are dealing with a partner’s addiction. We know that it is very hard, and can be a lonely time, so we have trained and experienced people that you could talk with, if you get in touch. They will understand how you are feeling and be totally non judgemental. Maybe talking with one of them would help you to find a way ahead.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps. Wishing you all the best.