[dgu123]

My husband and I have been together 5 years; we have a 2 year old and I really hoped that we would be thinking about trying for another but our relationship has come to a really horrible, shitty, ‘rough’ patch.. if you want to call it that.

Before I met him I never had a desire to marry but we have (had) such a crazy connection when we met that when he proposed I couldn’t have thought of anything better, now 5 years later I am slowly regretting letting myself get into this situation. His drinking started getting bad (as in more than on weekends and getting so pissed on a night out that it always ended in argument!) when I fell pregnant. He told me it was just him letting of steam, he would sort it and blah blah.. but there I found myself, driving myself to hospital at 8 & 9 months pregnant with severe pains with my husband in the passenger seat as he was drunk. I feel like I had a realisation at this point but we were having a baby so I just tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Since our child was born I feel like I have changed, I can see the life I am going to be stuck in and I refuse to put my child through that but I also keep feeling like ‘what if he changes, what if he kicks it’ we wanted another baby and I’ve tried even giving him Ultimatums, but lip service wears thin and I’m driving myself insane. I have become a moody, miserable person. I don’t know truely whether I had post natal depression or whether all of this just triggered it off while I was emotionally going through it after pregnancy.. but one of my doctors picked up on something and I ended up going to see a therapist. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off me just for getting some of it off my chest but initially I just couldn’t tell them about his drinking. In the moment I felt like I had to protect him and when he asked me about how it went he then started verbally abusing me, making it all about him and telling me I was making everyone think he was the reason for my issues when really I’m fucked up and I’m the problem.. my anxiety has rocketed and I feel like shit.

I am hard on him, I admit it. And he has been through a lot growing up; his mother was an alcoholic and caused his family a lot of upset and grief due to her actions when drunk. Things that have stuck with him and his family and I would have thought would make him more cautious but I feel like it is because of this that I was so eager to call him out on his drinking as I am so scared for what could come. He of course tells me he’s not his mother and would never let it get to that point but we are certainly on the way. The past 6 months I keep finding beer bottles hidden around the house, down the side of beds, behind computers, behind bins and so on. It used to be just round the side of the house he would have a stash but now they are appearing everywhere and his excuse.. he just put it there out of the way.. it always seems to be when we are having a good day I will come across one and it instantly shits on my mood. I can’t help but call him out and then go into a horrible mood. I think about our child and what environment he is being brought up in. Waking up and finding the front door ajar because he has been too pissed to lock up properly, beer all over the sofa because he can’t physically set his bottle down & has to hold it tight incase someone fucking steals it, and continues to fall asleep on the sofa.. even through the beer pouring over him and then up he jumps when he finally wakes and just takes himself off to bed, leaving the mess for me to find in the morning when I walk downstairs with our child. Beer caps and bottle opener laying in the lounge floor.. now he is onto buying scratch cards and doing betting online. When his drinking is particularly bad and I can’t hold my tongue, we have gotten into some horrible arguments. One night he smashed up our house and I had to leave and go stay with a friend for a few days to get away, that was an eye opener for everyone involved but even that didn’t shame him into anything real. He stopped drinking for 3 weeks and took himself to al anon but then told me they told him he had no need to be there so after 3 weeks went back to drinking every day again.

I told him last week I wanted to separate. I don’t, I don’t want to give up on my marriage and my husband I really want this to work but I feel like I can’t take anymore lies or drinking. Anyway he begged me to give him a chance to prove himself.. and that very day he walked in with a bag of beers. I just wanted to cry I feel like I’m in Groundhog Day and I’m going fucking insane. He has been really shit the past 2 days, he hasn’t done much in way of helping with our child and yes he is working (we are working from home) but his full day from morning to night is taken up with him on his phone to both clients and friends. I can’t get my head around why he wants to spend all evening on the phone to anyone who will listen, talking shit while chain smoking and drinking instead of spending a couple of hours with my son especially before his bedtime. It really is breaking me, I don’t want to be this person I don’t want to be a controlling miserable bitch and I question whether my attitude is playing a part in Making this worse not better. Tonight he has told me he wants to separate, that I am making him unhappy and he doesn’t want to be with me. I can believe that but I am sick of this scenario. Threats of separation. I just want my husband back!! Just need someone to talk to, as this is shit and I feel like I can’t open up to anyone as I don’t want the judgement.

[icarus-trust]

I am so sorry that you are in this horrible situation which must seem so much worse in lock down. I’m sorry that you feel that you can’t talk to anyone. I imagine that must make you feel very lonely.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support to people, like yourself, who are dealing with a partner’s addiction. We know that it is very hard, and can be a lonely time, so we have trained and experienced people that you could talk with, if you get in touch. They will understand how you are feeling and be totally non judgemental. Maybe talking with one of them would help you to find a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope that this helps. Wishing you all the best.

[eggnchips99]

Sounds like my ex in the end I had to leave him with our child

He’s moved on now with another lady and hasn’t changed

[Author]

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