[sisterstogether]

Hi, with the help of my sister I am trying my best to support an adult niece who is a drug and alcohol user. Her parents just don’t want to know. We have signposted her to organisations who can help, helped her out when she is homeless, bought her food and clothing, talked with her and done whatever else we can do support her. As soon as she gets all this from us she seems to get back on her feet then goes off with another ‘friend’ and goes back to square one of using drugs and drinking. Then we have to start all over again. This is affecting our own families. We want to help but just cant go through it all again. Any advice on what we can do for the best?

[lindyloo]

I totally sympathise with you both. Its so hard to help an addict when they won’t even try to help themselves. Its so frustrating to think you see a bit light at the end of the tunnel. They get on their feet for a week or two, then its back to square one. Its always going to be the case in my opinion, until they decide themselves that enough is enough. Personally I find it exhausting, time after time, my son relapses. It’s very disheartening and hurting.

We’ve started to withdraw our support a bit to help ourselves as our mental and physical health is suffering, not to mention the financial toll that mounts up.

A very difficult thing to do when you love them. You can only do so much, the rest is up to them. Accept as much advice and support that’s offered. Good luck and God bless you . Lx

[bt1978]

Hey Sister

Thanks for posting. Sorry you are in such a situation.

It reads as though she is an addict and that comes with a whole set of things to understand and look at before you can do anything. Before I speak any more can I ask what drugs and how much she is drinking or using?

[sisterstogether]

Thanks for your response. She drinks whenever she can, usually when she gets her benefits and that leads on to the drugs. I am not sure what she takes but think it is crack. She would rather spend all her money on this and then pleads with us that she is hungry and needs money for food. We always buy the food rather than give her the money. I feel like we should stop doing this but it is so hard to see her this way. She says she is engaged with a drugs and alcohol service but I see no evidence of this. It is part of her probation so I guess she has to do something.

[bt1978]

I hear you.

Crack is highly addictive, and therefore very expensive given how much people get through. Its good that you give her food not money as we know where that would likely go.

Being engaged with alcohol or drug services is a start, but honestly nowhere near enough. Often these services are strained and doing their best to be fair. In order to straighten out properly a different approach is needed.

Does she want to stop all this or see what its doing at all? This is the key to recovery starting

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