[straightup]

My sister is a Bipolar1 alcoholic – uncompliant on both fronts. I know that for many with BP1, maintaining balance with meds is out of their control. This doesn’t apply to my sister. Manic, stable, drunk and dry, her explanation is consistent regarding her chasing the manic high: “It’s like a drug and I want to maintain it”, which she knows is impossible. I don’t want to stop it.” We do!

And because she chooses to not check in with her psychiatrist or GP, she knows she’ll soar. She never reaches anything near psychosis, so, truly has the capacity to take the reigns. Won’t hear of or have a word of it from others. Drinking always follows. She knows this will happen.

She has meds that help her hypermania and alcohol cravings minus any unpleasant side effects. She likes the detox etc clinic she’s hardly visited. Why does she stop drinking, brief as it is each time? “Because I get bored” or to “Get in shape (lose booze kg) for a show.” Again, this explanation is stated when manic, stable, drunk and dry.

I’ve long past caring about what she dies with her life. When she chooses this route, it’s as good as choosing to be a raging arsehole. I’ll spare you the details. No regard for others and how this affects them, especially those she lives with. Unfortunately, I’m one of them and due to autoimmune/financial issues, I’m stuck living with her. I’m housebound with chronic depression (19 months). I am Bipolar2, which pretty much means depression with minor elevations. From day 1, I’ve been actively responsible for my care and treatment, which has had me in a happy and stable place for 27 years, till 19 months ago.

Right at this point, while trialing meds, I’m in particularly dark place. I’m contemplating suicide. My sister’s intolerable behaviour is now a major contributing factor. The only change in her and her chosen situation is that it’s progressively worse. To be clear – no parent in their right mind would have their child in this environment. There’s no way around either of us leaving due to financial circumstances. I have nowhere to go and there’s no chance in Hell anyone would live with her. I’ve spoken to GPS, psychiatrists, psychologists, countless phone counsellors and friends . At the end of our discussion, the general response is “Oh” because there doesn’t seem to be anything else I can try/do and she clearly won’t change, knowing damn well what she is doing.

[administrator]

Hi StraightUp,

Thanks for sharing your story and we’re really sorry to hear about what you’re currently going through with your sister which must be so challenging and that you are in a particularly dark place at the moment.

It’s really important that you speak with someone about what you are going through – you can call Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone), they are available 24/7.

Do take care at this difficult time,

Adfam

[Author]

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