[nothingleft]

For many years I have bailed my son out of debt, and believed his believable reasons for not having any money even though he holds a job down and should manage.

Why? Because I am afraid. Afraid the day will come when I get that knock on the door to say he has died. Afraid I have created this person who is addicted to drugs and alcohol. And that makes me feel so guilty.

But I can’t cope with his lies, the no money, the debt, the not caring about anyone else.

And then I get frustrated as he’s not a bad person, but he’s not a good person with all the drugs and alcohol messing up his life.

I just don’t know what to do.

[debc]

Hi Nothingleft,

Welcome to the Forum, where you will find many people, myself included with Sons that are all the same, addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Please don’t feel guilty, I know it’s hard not too, but like you I didn’t bring my Son up in a world of drink and drugs as I’m sure you haven’t.

Without the drink and drugs in them they are wonderful, caring people, but my god don’t they change when the drink and drugs take over.

As you say, the lies, no money and not caring is very hard to contend with, and it’s like living in hell, not knowing what to do for the best.

Does your Son realise he has a problem and does he want help? Until they realise this, I don’t really think we can help them, it has to be their decision.

Talk to people on here, read through some of the other threads, so many people in the same situation, but I know from joining this Forum, it has definitely helped me and it’s so good to be able to share your own story.

Take care of yourself. Keep in touch.

Dx

[nothingleft]

Thank you for replying.

The weekend just went from bad to worse in my head and heart as I found out about more debt.

Yes, he wants help, or he says he does, but doesn’t do anything about it.

I think it’s an out of sight, out of mind thing, or he thinks everything is under control. It’s not.

I’m going to read through some of the posts. I didn’t actually think anyone would reply, so thank you.

Feeling very unsure if everything at the moment, so seeing someone had replied helped x x

[debc]

Hi Nothingleft,

The money they get through is frightening. My Son would get paid on a Friday and used to spend it all by a Saturday. I never found out for years what was actually happening and what he was spending it on, the amounts of money wasted is criminal, and then the borrowing used to start and never get paid back, which of course cannot go on forever.

Perhaps he needs to prove to you that he does need help and do something positive about it, he could join meetings on Zoom, they are on all the time.

Please keep in touch on here and take care of yourself.

Dx

[lindyloo]

Hi Nothingleft

Welcome to the forum, i was also sorry to read your story. As Debc said , there are a lot of us mums here sharing our stories and worries. Read Theresa thread, we all have sons with addictions.

You have no need to feel guilty or alone in this. Our sons are making these choices, and only they alone can turn their life around.

The drugs and alcohol are turning them into people we don’t recognise. They say and do things out of desperation, hurting things.

There is help and support there for them , but it is ultimately their decision.

Like you, I also have the fear of ‘that knock on the door ‘. But they are no longer little boys, they are grown men who are making these choices. We can only be there to offer them emotional or spiritually.

You could go on forever with the financial side of it, but it will never be enough.

Take care of your own health and mind , its difficult as I’ve had a bad week myself, but you really need to for your own sanity and the rest of the family.

Don’t be alone in this nightmare, there will be better days ahead. At least we all have each other on this forum.

Take care

Lx

[nothingleft]

Thank you so much for replying.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m so sorry you had a bad week. It’s not easy and I do feel for you.

I found out my son is in more debt than I thought at the weekend, lots more. I need to confront him, but that’s not easy. Just trying to get the strength to stay strong and see if he will agree to seeking help.

Take care

[lindyloo]

Nothingleft, does your son live alone, or with you?

Yes, the debt they run up is shocking, such a waste of money!

Sadly they don’t see it that way.

We confronted our son over a year ago, and all the truth spilled out , the debt, everything. Rightly or wrong, we paid off about 4 scumbag dealers at the time. A lot of money.

He went to doctor firstly then checked out local CA meetings which he attended regularly, met some inspirational people, and people struggling like him. He felt accepted.

We’re not going to be paying his debts any more, he still has relapses unfortunately, but i just buy food and cigs, no cash !

Hopefully while they’re working they are busy, fingers crossed a quiet week.!

Keep your chin up and find time for yourself- I do 5 min meditation on Google. It helps too.

Always here to chat, there’s some lovely friendly people on this forum. Very supportive

Sending hugs

Lx

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