[onlyme]

Hi I’m new here, I usually talk to my friends about this but I think they’re at the point we’re they’ve heard it all before and wonder why I’m still here.

I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, we have 4 children and throughout all this he has always been a drinker, there hasn’t been any trigger for it, we met at 18 and he was out drinking every night and just never really outgrew the drinking, now he just drinks at home, I rarely drink and he doesn’t really have any friends so it’s always on his own. He can have anything from 3 cans to 12 cans, just depends on the day/situation.

Besides the drinking my issue is with the effect it has on him, he doesn’t get drunk unless he’s out drinking or at a party. When he’s had a drink if he goes past the 6 can mark he will end up peeing somewhere other than the toilet during the night, this isnt a new thing hes done this occasionally over the 20 years weve been together but I wasn’t aware of it for the first few years, now im aware he does it im more alert during the night to divert him to the toilet, but it has become more frequent recently. He can wake up multiple times during the night, staggering about, falling down stairs, over furniture and he rarely has any recollection of any of this. I also believe the drinking is causing ED but he won’t accept he has that either.

I’m at the point where I just don’t think I want to be with him anymore, he’s tried cutting back or stopping many times but always ends up back where he started. He’s not a bad person, goes to work everyday, does everything he needs to, he just can’t go a single day without a drink.

Not really expecting anything but it’s just good to get it off my chest.

[lindyloo]

Hi onlyme, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.

20yrs is a long time to put up with a loved one with a drink problem/addiction. You must still care/love him to have stayed in the marriage despite the drinking issues.

I’m no expert but I think you need to tell him that you’re not willing to put up with it any longer. Let him know you’ll support him if he wants help to stop. Unfortunately you can’t make him go to AA, he has to make this choice himself.

Adfam homepage offer advice for families – also Drugfam and Icarus trust offer counselling services too.

My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, but is currently 15mths clean thankfully. He reached the point where he was about to lose everything and everybody he cared about. These groups are the only thing that works for him.

Look after your own health and well-being and family.

Take care

Lx ❤️

[careaboutyou]

Hi onlyme. Feel very sorry for you. My late husband was an alcoholic, he also had the incontinence problem. I thought that it was from being a bedwetter as child which carried on into adulthood. It turns out that it’s actually a symptom of alcoholics, it’s very common for them and it’s shameful. I understand that you love him, but I also understand the total stress that this must be putting you under. I used to go to bed, set my alarm for 2am, get up, then try and coax my husband to bed. He had to sleep on a made up bed on the floor, as otherwise he would urinate in the bed. I don’t know how I coped with it……I left with my son who was 5 at the time ( now 16 and unscathed ). He used to refuse to wash the bedding in the morning and then I would be up again at 6am, after a chaotic night, to take my son to nursery, then to go to work. I paid all the bills and kept it all together. In the end it was just too much, I knew that I would die with the stress if I didn’t get away. Do you recognise yourself?? Think about what you are showing your 4 children. An alcoholic Father to them, is more useless than good. You have no obligation to continue with the situation. Let’s face it….you have 5 children. Really hope that you have the strength to leave, kick him out, whatever it takes. You don’t say how old the children are….I’m sure that they would be so grateful and thankful if you could remove everyone from the addict and the chaos that their selfish behaviour creates.

Hope that you find the courage to leave, think of your own health and that you have to be there for your children.

xxxxxxx Seeing it from your point of view only….

 

[pociseo]

Hi there! It’s totally understandable to want to seek advice and support from others outside of your immediate friend group. It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time with your husband’s drinking habits and the impact it’s having on your relationship. It’s great that you’re aware of the situation and trying to take action to divert him to the toilet and address the ED issue, but it’s also important to take care of your own well-being.

Have you considered personalized gifts for your husband as a way to express your feelings and possibly help him see the impact of his behavior on your family? Sometimes a thoughtful, personalized gesture can have a big impact. But ultimately, the decision to stay or leave is a deeply personal one and you should prioritize your own happiness and safety.

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