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My boyfriend started drinking because it helped him feel like he could eat. He previously had problems eating and keeping food down, and still does, but not as severely.

He already ended up in the hospital with alcoholic ketoacidosis and left the hospital with fatty liver disease and medicine to help him eat and keep food down as well as dietary restrictions. When he started drinking again at home he told me his doctor said it would be fine if he had one or two drinks a week…that turned into a couple of bottles of wine or a malt alcohol beverage like fourloko and smirnoffs almost every other day. I stopped him from going to get more alcohol from the store after he had half a bottle of wine tonight. He asked me to “keep him accountable” but I’m struggling with how much it upsets him when I convince him not to. He keeps saying after each night of drinking he’ll stop for a few weeks but soon after, he’s back at it again.

I understand that he can’t just stop on a dime, but they detoxed him at the hospital and it would have been as simple as just not drinking at all when we got home. I know it’s a habit he’ll have to break but I’m afraid that if I keep letting him drink, he’ll die next time he needs medical attention because every time he goes to the hospital he is traumatized and retraumatized with institutionalization, and he said after the last time he’s never going again ni matter what state he’s in.

I don’t know what to do, I feel bad talking him out of going to get alcohol if detoxing on his own is dangerous, but I don’t want him slipping back into drinking a handle of vodka in two nights. He gets agitated with me when I try to do what he asked of me and “keep him accountable” by telling him when he’s been drinking too much, and makes up all kinds of excuses that I reason away with him. I don’t know how to reconcile this guilt with my resolve to keep him from drinking too much. He told me he’s feeling like he used to with eating and stuff and that’s why he’s been drinking more and more but I know it’s because he’s drinking and not following his dietary restrictions. I just don’t know what else to say.

He says he’s going to sign up for some resource his therapist gave him but I just don’t think he’s going to. He’s very defeatist with himself and it feels like he’s already given up. I told him that and he only got upset. I don’t know how to get through to him because he says he’s aware it’s getting worse, but I told him being aware isn’t enough now, he has to try. He even implied I would get him institutionalized even though he and I know I would never. I don’t know if he was talking nonsense because of the alcohol or what. I just don’t know how to handle this at all, it feels like he’s putting it all in my hands and I don’t know if I should let him feel his feelings about it or try to be kinder- but really, I’m trying to be as kind as I can when I say the things I’ve said. I want to be his partner again, not his impulse control but without me raising concerns he would just keep on buying it, consequences be damned.

I’m just lost, I’ve never had to deal with something like this before and this has all happened within the last year. We used to drink heavily together but I’ve stopped drinking regularly, and now I don’t like to drink at all because I don’t want to encourage him. Just super lost and conflicted over here

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