[kklost]

He did the test and passed. I was pleased but straight after it all blew up.

It showed the two prescription drugs he has in his system, so that was good.

He became cocky and saying he always knew he was going to pass it. It gave him a huge confidence and it wasn’t even want he was saying it was how. We had an argument and he said I never let him out (clearly I do…. as I don’t do drugs and certainly wouldn’t have been with me when you bought them!!) my job ruins any life he could have as I work evenings and weekends, so he can’t go out anywhere. Blah blah blah… it was horrible and really made me so upset.

I nearly didn’t go with him to the GP but I did. Our GP was really good and has offered lots of advice and support BUT he admitted he had done drugs when he was alone with the children, in which case social services are now going to be notified.

I think this is when a small penny dropped for him. He was quite taken aback and said he didn’t realise they would have to be! I said to GP there and then infront of hubby – please do… I need SS help and support.

Came home and filled my mum in, she was so upset and I know she thinks I should leave him.

But I can’t. I want to give him this chance… but today has been a very hard day. 7 days of knowing today… god it’s been so hard

[ash2013]

Bless you what a day!

Be careful, he may be trying to start an argument to give him an excuse to go out and get some. I would test him tomorrow and Sunday but don’t give him forewarning.

None of this is your fault, a lot of people work weekends, it doesn’t mean the other parent has to take drugs to get through it. Don’t feel any guilt for doing what you do, he’s transferring his guilt into you by excusing what he does x

[dot]

Currently in aldi buying some shopping and treats for me and kids and ex wife we are watching a film tonight at hotel. Will reply when I get out of here as I have a feeling what’s happening and what’s going to happen as I know

Regards

Daz

[kklost]

Daz thank you!

[kklost]

Ash god I am shattered. I really am. I’m shifting myself about social services. I really am.

I won’t be returning to work any day soon, because my business isn’t deemed ‘safe’ so not good. But we are managing moneywise and I think I can’t work with all this anyway.

I felt pretty good Thursday Day. Just then all blew up when that test was done and we saw two family members. He did text them and say he was sorry/wrong in what he said.

Today has been tense but mainly because I’m being unemotional infront of him.

When he’s in the home office I’m crying my eyes out.

[dot]

Soo where do I start

The cockyness is a control technique. Hes on a hype hes passed 1 drug test and will make your feel like you should of trusted him all along. Do not fall for it. I used to do this and it is an head game. He is very vulnerable at the minute and think he will deserve trust back. Do not give it him. Make sure you drug test him in 2 days still. Make clear that he has no control and you wont put up with his crap.

And what a can of worms he has opened. I recommend that you tell him to go and stay with family. Reason for this is ss will want to know that the kids are not at risk. They will conduct a full assessment now which involves speaking to both of yous. The kids on there own. School. The kids doctors. If you say you didnt know and now you have made him leave they will back you as you have put the kids safety first. You need to do this it’s the only way till this is over.

This could cause alot of trouble for you if you dont trust me on this one.

You still need to make him do the drug tests while he is away aswell

Sorry the advice is not great. Your husband needs to sign up for a drug help service as soon as possible. Dont make ss tell him to do it you do it before.

Regards

Daz

[kklost]

Hi Daz,

Thanks for this! Really really helpful.

He has signed up for drug help and has his first session next week Friday evening.

I’ve already contacted our school – I have a good relationship with them as my youngest two are ASD. They were supportive but shocked.

I asked my GP about him leaving and he said certainly not.

The drug test tip is helpful, I will do another one tomorrow morning. I take his car keys (and mine) his phone and wallet to bed with me every night.

He has no money in his account and all future money from his employer is being paid to me.

I won’t be fooled and with your help I can keep that up. And ahead of the game…. like testing.

Plan tonight to all go to bed by 8.30pm, completely exhausted and need the sleep.

[kel1]

I agree with Daz on this one be very careful. I work closely with Children’s services. I’m in no way saying don’t access the service, but I am saying be very careful. He will Automatically be referred to a drugs service which will probably be the best thing, however that can go two ways. One positive where he engages well and attends the recovery programme or two it could apply pressure which could lead to relaspe/lapse. As part of treatment SS will probably want drug testing, but that’s even if it gets pass early help stage. Even then it could be something they request. Sadly that depends on location and social worker.

So long as you’re the protective factor you should be ok.

They also look at safety in terms of dealers etc.

I hope things go positively for you and you all get the wrap around support you need.

Take good care.

[dot]

Yeah regardless of what doctor says you have to have kids interests and safety first thatd what SS want to see dont take that wrong I’m trying to help

Regards

[kel1]

Yeh me too actually. I don’t want to scare you and you shouldn’t be either because you have done nothing wrong, I’m talking from a professional point of view. Plus if it is a GP referral then that would mean the doctor would need an outcome. Did the doctor actually say he was going to refer you or did you offer that?

As brutal as it sounds like Daz said they’re only interest in the safety of kids. And they only go on facts, meaning evidence. So, education, home environment, kids emotional needs and any other form of neglect (from their perspective). If you say you want to help him etc (although I think that’s great) they will explore priority areas.

[dot]

Doctore dont refer to drug service they give you a number to ring usually. Well they do here and you have to refer yourself

[kklost]

Hi All,

Thanks for this information and great you all are saying the same so I can be prepared.

Doctor suggested SS and I agreed.

I won’t kick him out until I’m told too. If they say that I will follow those rules, I’m not stupid.

But I’ve done drug test, he was clean. He isn’t being left with them from now. He has no money and hasn’t been drinking.

I have to give him space and a decent chance.

I’ve called the schools and notified them.

He has already self referred to the drug services and has his first appointment on Friday night. He has a private counsellor on a Saturday lunchtime, who will now be involved.

If this blows up in my face I’ll know I did everything I could. I hope it doesn’t. I really hope he does get clean firs time.

[kel1]

That’s what I thought an all doctors will only refer under extreme circumstances, but usually signpost to services.

Kklost I hope things work out well for you all.

Warm wishes

[kklost]

Thanks Kel1

Yes GP asked me and I said Yes. I think it’s a good thing for hubby to have to answer to them and takes limelight to him.

We’ve had a better day and things a bit calmer, talked a lot and he’s admitted a few things, this puts my mind at rest slightly more.

As Daz has said its going to be big ups and downs. I’ll take those good days! Need more of them x

[dot]

KK so happy for you but its gonna be hard work. After 6-10 weeks it apparently is really easy then he just needs to have strength to say no if anyone offers him any. I myself am gonna be rock solid with that never going back. I wanna thank yous aswell because yous have helped me identify my old behaviours and I never will return to that monster I was

[kklost]

Oh that’s good. Good we can all help each other.

You can see it from outside… then you are doing really well!

He has been good today, a lot more like himself. Mum came over and said to me she thought he was good, I said tell him, she did and he was quite humble.

He did his counselling session via zoom and took another test this morning which was negative. So it’s all good news so far.

Just I swear I am not letting my guard down. Just keeping eyes and ears open. But also allowing myself to enjoy the small things.

[dot]

Yeah I’ve been doing na meetings on zoom aswell. Really helpful

[kklost]

I saw these NA on zoom, they sound useful.

How did your snacks/evening go with the kids?

[Author]

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