[directionless]

I thought it was bad when he was here and actively drinking, but I never thought him getting sober would lead to this. Having been doing well in sobriety for a couple of years now, I thought we had rebuilt trust and were coming back stronger from what we’d been through together. We had been making plans for our future – a future I believed we both wanted and saw for ourselves – but all of a sudden he has sent a wrecking ball through it all. Without communicating any signs of being unhappy or sharing how he felt with me, he told me that he had to leave, he didn’t love me anymore, couldn’t give me what I needed and wasn’t sure he ever did love me. When I pressed him, he said he had been feeling that way for several months. I’m so hurt and confused, having been together for a long time, thinking we loved each other and having supported him through some of the most difficult times in his life, including standing by him all through both his active alcoholism and now recovery. He was acting like someone I didn’t recognise at all – completely unemotional, cold and unwilling to talk about anything any further. The fact that he had managed to hide/suppress those feelings for so long reminded me of when he was drinking and would cover it up – he was an expert in deceit. Now I wonder who I was actually married to. I don’t know what to think about it all. Right now I’m completely alone and I’m really feeling it. I don’t have close friends to confide in or the same support network he does through his recovery programme. Is there anyone out there who can help me through this?

[bellapop]

Directionless… I’m devastated to read this and I cannot imagine the hurt and pain you are feeling. Is this completely out of the blue? Where is he now in his recovery? How unfair 🙁 I’m so sorry!! I’m thinking of you, this site has been an absolute blessing for me and I hope you will find comfort in the stories of others.

I hope you’re okay xx

[directionless]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It did come out of the blue – there had been no lead up with him saying about being unhappy, it’s just been some sort of lightning bolt realisation that I am not the one for him. I’ve also now discovered he had developed feelings for a colleague at work, which seems to have been a catalyst for it all. Again, a total shock and so hurtful I can’t express it in words. He’s a couple of years into being sober although he’s been in and out of recovery for about six now.

[bellapop]

Oh my goodness! That’s honestly heartbreaking, I am so so sad and sorry you’re going through this!! Him developing feelings for his colleague seems very impulsive and completely unfair! Is he normally quite impulsive?

What’s the current status of everything? Has he left, or is he just talking of it? I honestly don’t know what to say to make this any easier or better.. I just really hope that you’re okay xxxx

[directionless]

I can’t really answer whether he’s normally impulsive – I feel like he’s bottled up so much of his genuine personality with me over the years that I don’t really know who he is. I feel like he has never truly been open with me about how he has felt, leaving me just assuming that everything was OK, instead of having honest conversations before they escalated to the point of being unable to be around me anymore.

He has already left to stay with a sober friend, already making plans for his new life without me, while I’m still reeling from something I never knew was coming. Yesterday I saw he’d left his wedding ring on the hall table, which just broke me all over again.

[bellapop]

How absolutely horrible!! I’m so upset reading this, you must feel so robbed of everything. I’ve read a lot of stories on here… but this one is truly one of the most unfair that I have read. You should have no regrets though, you’ve been there for this man through probably the hardest time of his life… if he doesn’t want to see it flourish through the good times then it honestly is his loss. You’ve stuck by him when honestly most wouldn’t.

Look after you now, find what makes you tick… start a new hobby and keep giving yourself little treats. Get out there, make new friends by doing things you normally wouldn’t and going places. If he can’t see what a diamond he’s lost then more fool him. But you need to keep going ❤️

I really hope you’re having a nice weekend ???? xxxx

[directionless]

What a lovely, kind message. I’ve been feeling pretty worthless and lonely but I take a lot of comfort in your words. Thank you.

[bellapop]

I wish you didn’t feel worthless, that’s so sad!! You’ve been in a horrible situation that would make anyone feel worthless.. but now it’s your time to shine. He’s doing you a favour in the long run by being so abrupt.. he’s ripped the bandaid off so that you now won’t have any regrets. He’s taken full control of the situation… so you now can take control of your life. Do some soul searching… find out what makes you tick and go after it!!

I’m excited for you, but also know that this will be a really long and painful road. Keep looking for those positives.

How are you feeling today? Xxx

[directionless]

Today I woke up wondering what the point was of waking up at all. At times it’s like an out of body experience – I still can’t quite process that this is happening to me. I’m not ready to move on. And then I just replay in my mind the things he said, the things he did, the things I did, the things I wish I’d said or done. We can’t go back and change it but my heart aches for that. I do have regrets. Wishing that I’d been enough for him so he wouldn’t go looking elsewhere. That he’d recognise that I was never perfect but I loved him and that’s why I stood by him through all his hard times.

I am managing to wash and dress myself, and feed our animals but it’s all just going through the motions. I haven’t been able to face work – my head is all over the place. I haven’t eaten properly for five days now. I am still utterly alone and haven’t seen another human since he left the house. Even as I write this I get angry with myself that I’m attention-seeking and looking for pity. I hurt myself more by imagining him doing fine off on his own, feeling relief rather than any guilt or the pain and confusion I feel.

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