[babs45]

We’ve been married 13 years. It was recreational cocaine use in social situations when I first met him, I don’t think he has ever really stopped, but now he can sit all night and do it on his own. He says he enjoys it/makes him relax, and compares it to alcohol. He definitely down-plays it and makes me think I’m making it into something more serious. Lately, due to the constant arguments (basically me nagging him) he has stopped sitting up till early hours in the morning at least and (I think) only takes it when he thinks he can get away with it. He is also less ‘sniffly’ but it’s still there. Either that or I am imagining it all and really going crazy. But I can just tell…. usually when he pops out for no reason, or sees a certain friend, or something happens/he gets stressed about something, any excuse. Something about his face changes as well when he has taken it. I don’t know how much he takes or how often exactly. Maybe sometimes 1 Saturday in a month, sometimes all the Saturdays in the month. I don’t really know. Ive left him, warned him, pleaded about his health, written him letters, explained how I feel about it. We always get back together, he promises to stop, I don’t always believe him, not anymore I’m ashamed to admit. And it’s ok for a while, not great, for maybe 3-4 weeks, then back on the same roller coaster. Lately, we have arguments every weekend, he denies it. It’s extremely stressful and I’m feeling really unwell with it all. I’m thinking of therapy but maybe I just need to get out?

We have no kids, we both work, he exercises, he functions ok most of the time. I don’t think he understands the consequences or even cares. When he used to stay up all night he would sleep all morning/day and not do much the next day or all weekend depending. Often, I felt I couldn’t confront him because of his bad mood and short-temper and had to wait until he was ‘normal’ again.

I feel a deep sense of shame and find it really difficult to speak to my friends about it. Especially because we always get back together maybe I’m letting this happen?

Is he addicted? Or is he choosing to take it and could stop? Is it best to leave before it gets worse or do people turn it around eventually?

[bt1978]

Hi Babs

I read this post and didn’t want to pass on.

You are in a very difficult situation there and it just be really tough on you.

I can obviously only go by what you have written – it reads as if he is veering towards addiction in my experience.

Have you ever seen him do it or found any?

Sorry to say that most people dont just change and get better, something has to happen to jump start it. True addicts only ever get progressively worse and not better over time. Your post reads like it’s gone from being recreational to a necessity now – additionally its impacting you and your relationship, especially arguing all the time which just makes thos 10x worse

[babs45]

Hi BT1978 – thanks for replying

I have not found any or actually seen him do it for a long time but I think he is just really careful now due to the arguments. He has promised to stop so many times and broken that promise I’m just expecting it now. I’m tired of it all. Just want to be on my own without all the doubt and mistrust. It’s not just the cocaine there’s other trust issues from a few years ago when he cheated. But how do you divorce someone you still love even though you know the relationship is no good anymore. This forum is great. So good to learn from others going through the same. I can only hope I’m as strong as some of the people on here

[bt1978]

You are stronger than you realise, for sure

The problem with addiction is it’s very very rare people can just stop what they are doing for a number of reasons. This may be the addiction, or the fact they have no intention of stopping.

Do you think he would co side CA / NA meetings at all? May be good to identify with people in the same boat as him

[Author]

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