[pepsi89]

I met someone in November. Really nice and polite. Started talking. I found out he had quit drinking in June after a suicide attempt. Learned about his mental health struggles. But he was so lovely and positive about the future I gave us a shot.

Things were intense quite fast. He was a constant communicator. There wasn’t an hour that went past that we didn’t speak or message unless he was on one of his weekends where he just slept due to being on opiates until January.

He said he loved me. I became his world and sweetheart very quickly. We talked about a long term life together. But I always felt he was never clear on what he could provide. I have young kids and felt he shut me down If I asked him if he was sure about them.

He started sending gifts. Requested photos of me sexually. I’d never done this but he made me feel safe. So I did it. He sent me plenty back.

He was always making sure I was safe. But his moods were up and down. When he was positive he made me feel amazing. But when he was down I found myself anxious due to the sudden drop in affection.

In January I asked him if he was sure he wanted me as I was ready to sit down and tell my children’s dad I had met someone. With that he blew off at me. Told me he was done. Hung up. Refused to talk for two days. When we did talk he was making all the rules. I was not allowed to text asking him questions.

We seemed good for the last six weeks. Closer than ever. But he started making comments on my appearance. Mostly he would compliment me but he would make tiny digs at me about how pale I was or how long my hair was. Then I noticed he was liking another women’s photos after we had had sex that night. I asked him who she was. He deleted her and gave me the big I only want you speech. I love you. But he started sending me sexy stuff for the bedroom that resembled what she had been wearing. So I brought it up again. With that he started telling me it was no big deal that he liked someone’s photos. Swore at me and told me he was done. That was Tuesday last week.

I’ve spent the last week numb and sad. He owes me money. He paid half back Friday but didn’t even thank me. I reached out yesterday after giving him space. Asked how he was. He said he was fine. I asked if I could occasionally text to see how he was. He said do what you want I’m not a monster. I asked if he misses me. He said no as I was doing his head in and wouldn’t stop. I asked if he ever loved me or cared. He didn’t reply. So I’ve blocked him.

I’ve since found out various things about him. He has a married women from his school days he’s been messing around for two years. She’s filled me in that he treats her hot and cold and has been messaging her since we’ve been involved. He made out to me she was a one night stand and stalked him ever since. Turns out he’s been playing games. He threatened to tell her husband everything after he found out she spoke to me.

I can’t get my head around any of it. I sat up all night so many times worrying for him. Ringing him at 3am because he felt sad. I gave him money to eat when someone didn’t give him money for work he did. He was 15 years older than me. I can’t get my head around it.

If anyone has time to read this and talk it through with me I’d be so greatful. I don’t even get why he replied yesterday. Feeling so sad and confused.

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

Thanks for posting and sharing your story. I’m sorry you feel so sad and confused over what you have been through. If you would like to talk with people who would understand please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity who offer support to people who are affected by a loved one’s addiction. We have trained and experienced people who would talk with you if you get in touch and maybe that would help you make sense of things and move forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[Author]

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