Hi,
Thanks for posting and sharing your story. I’m sorry you feel so sad and confused over what you have been through. If you would like to talk with people who would understand please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity who offer support to people who are affected by a loved one’s addiction. We have trained and experienced people who would talk with you if you get in touch and maybe that would help you make sense of things and move forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.