[Mumofthree88]

I have just finally let go my partner of 15 years as he continues his battle with heroin addiction. He blames me and said I made him unhappy. I feel worthless and broken. I took him back so many times after he lied, stole and relapsed over 8 or 9 times. This is the last time. He’s disappeared again leaving me and three kids heartbroken. Why do I feel sick and heavy hearted. This stuff has ruined my relationship and my kids father. He’s been to prison and has now breached his probation and runs the risk of going back to prison. I suffer with insomnia and I can’t sleep. I dream about him when I manage to drop off. Every thought is consumed by him. I can’t let go.

[Lozzy80]

I feel your pain .. it’s heart wrenching . I’ve left my husband tonight..

Addiction is so cruel and causes so much pain …I too keep asking why? Why can he not fight for us , but addiction takes over and it doesn’t make sense

Clinging on to hope that one day soon …they will get clean and stay clean. I see friends on Facebook etc who have come through the other side.. I feel a pang of jealousy, why can’t that be him?

So I’m so sorry…and I do understand to some degree what you are going through … Do you have anyone you can turn to , and be with you right now? If the lack of sleep continues please see your doctor …  Hang in there… And take it hour by hour at the moment… Baby steps..be kind to yourself

[Mumofthree88]

Thank you so much for the encouraging reply.

I’ve been here many times before with him but this time I just feel different. I look at him now and realise what damage he’s done to me. He’s hurt me beyond belief. I hope one day he sees. But its too late for me. I got addicted to helping him and it never worked. I just helped destroy myself.

 

I have spoken to docs and had my medication increased for depression and anxiety but I think I do need help with sleeping now. I’m just scared to sleep…..all my dreams are about him. I’ve suffered my whole life with night terrors and sleep paralysis and its worse than ever now.

 

[Lozzy80]

This all sounds so familiar , I too have left my husband before on far more serious circs to be fair…but after several months Id even gone to the solicitors and was getting the divorce sorted…of course first thing he did was sell the wedding rings …stupidly I put my rose tinted glasses on and took him back..that was the last time I was deadly serious about leaving him , 4 yrs ago now…

I am a people pleaser type of person …helping others …and it’s become my undoing. I find anti depressants do nothing for insomnia sadly …hope Dr can give you some advice.

 

[Lozzy80]

To help me sleep I listen to podcasts … It works most the time now unless my anxiety is sky high then nothing seems to help I just have to wait it out til about 4 days of no sleep I end up passing out !

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