[djsoon]

Hi, I’m new here and I’m sharing some thoughts that I’ve never expressed to anybody before. I would be so grateful for some insight.

My other half is the sweetest person I know and doesn’t drink often. However when she does drink, she really goes to town and gets ‘blackout’ drunk where she doesn’t remember the things she’s said or done. One of the things that I’ve experienced is that she tends to say very hurtful things about how she feels I’m not worth it when she gets to that stage of drunkenness. When I confront her when she’s sober, she says that she honestly doesn’t know why she would say those things to me, because they are genuinely not her real thoughts.

I know my friends say silly things whilst drunk, and I can look past it, but it does hurt coming from my partner and I am afraid when she gets too drunk that she’ll say hurtful things again. My questions are as follows:

1) has anybody experienced this kind of situation before and what came out of it?

2) it’s obviously very difficult to say, but are those really her thoughts? I’ve done some research and I’ve learned that alcohol inhibits emotions and that the surroundings will often their mood

3) is there a solution to this? How can I help her control her drinking?

Thanks very much in advance.

[mumcantfixit]

She is expressing self hatred. If you want her to stop you may have to leave her

[dnanon]

Hi, perhaps try to talk to her and warn her about the dangers of binge drinking and how it can affect the body. Also let her know how much her behaviour when in this state hurts you. Try to work together and discuss why she has to binge drink. Don’t give up on her yet.

[username]

Hi, new too and also looking for advice. In a very similar situation.

In my opinion the stuff said whilst drunk or on drugs isn’t necessarily true, but they come from a place that wants to hurt you and that is where the issue is. I dont believe that what my partner says to me when hes in these state is true but that doesn’t mean the words have no effect. I’m in tremendous emotional pain today. My world seems to be upside down. I dont want to be the type of person that needs someone to change but if this relationship is going to work he needs to lay off the cocaine and not get blackout drunk.

We have had an incredible relationship for 2 and a half years. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find that person. But I cant deal with the pain of what gets said.

My advice would be to leave her alone for a couple of days. Let her realise that what she says causes a lot of pain to you and if the relationship is going to work something needs to change. Also you may want to ask her if there is anything stressful and personal going on in her life that my cause her to act this. The human mind is complex and people often try to take out their stress in unhealthy ways and on the people they love the most in the world.

Life would be easier if the world was in black and white, but we are surrounded by all the colours in the spectrum.

Sorry, hope that helps.

[hox]

My sister is an alcoholic. She used to drink all day, every day. Like I would drink cups of tea.

If she decided to top up the eighteen cans with whisky or worse raki that’s where the trouble would start. She was pure evil with her tongue the things she would say were so hurtful. This was to me, my other sister and her own husband. She would turn on friends too. Afterward she would have no recollection of what she had said or done and would be mortified when confronted. I have mental and physical scars.

If your other half binge drinks on occasion this could be sorted if she loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you just by cutting down, so the episodes don’t happen. Easily said though. She can only do this herself no one can help if she doesn’t want or feel the need of it.

[limespred]

Good morning DJsoon.

I have a female friend who also drinks like a fish, it got so bad that her husband left her but stayed in touch to help raise their 4 girls.

Long story short she eventually met and married a man who also drinks but can control it and as a result she drinks less, they both work hard and play hard and they are both good friends of my wife and I too.

The former husband also met and married somebody new and is also happy these days.

Alcohol is such a toxic substance and I had to stop because it would have probably killed me, now I’m only addicted to opiates and have been dry for about 13/14 years and have a much better life and strangely the opiates helped me to stop.

There are so many different types of drinkers but the worst are the aggressive ones, when drunk the worst thing that I did was to telephone my lady friends and in the pubs and at parties I was the life and soul of the moment (I thought) but in the end my wife said she would leave me so I eventually stopped completely.

To quit the booze I had to move from the town where I lived and moved to the countryside where there were no pubs or clubs and therefore fewer temptations.

In your wife’s case perhaps medicinal cannabis would work, it does for some and is better that drinking thats for sure but she obviously isn’t happy with you for some unknown reason perhaps you can both sit down and write what you like and dislike about her and she does the same about you.

All the best.

[helen300]

I have a similar situation as some of above. My husband is the most caring person when sober , but after drinking he’s horrible and has said things that still hurt me today from months ago. I am at a loss as what to do also, so you aren’t alone

[mand81]

Hi, I can relate but from the other side. I was your partner. I would drink to block out / torture myself and say to my partner I hated myself plus many more vile things, but I know why, I have past trauma issues to deal with, still do. I lost my partner because of my drinking, he helped for 3 years until enough was enough. I will never forgive myself for that but I’m on the slow road to recovery with counciling and ditching the booze. It’s never worth it. I am proof.

[Author]

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