Hi Fields of Roses,
Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to chat to people in similar situations to yourself.
You have made the first move by posting on here, nobody judges, everybody just really wants to help.
The only thing I can suggest is starting with AA, they hold lots of meetings on Zoom, some places might even be open now for face to face meetings. If you go on Zoom, you don’t have to say anything, you can just listen to other people’s stories, which hopefully you will find really good.
Keep in touch on here and know you are not on your own. Take care.
Dx