[triumph2022]

Hi everyone,

I’m new on here today. I have a partner, we’ve been together 4 years and she is a cocaine addict and an alcoholic.

I don’t need to tell any of you what an emotional and mental rollercoaster this has been, especially this past year. Unfortunately the low moments have been far more frequent than the happier, more positive ones.

I’ve reached out to Adfam to get some comfort knowing I am not alone.

And I know I’m not, I know out there are some people experiencing a lot worse than I am.

Some days I feel like I can make sense of it all, some days I’m completely smashed to pieces mentally.

some days I feel strong enough to walk away and just let her get on with it and disappear and never look back. Some days I feel so broken, I can barely feel capable of putting one foot in front of the other.

I’ve never struggled with any addiction myself thankfully and I am totally supportive and understanding of people who are addicts.

The thing that has really done the damage to me is the lies. And I dont just mean small little lies, big big lies. Huge lies. Lies that beggar belief.

They are in my head every day, like a bad movie being replayed again and again.

I struggle to move on from them and forget them. That’s where my biggest issue is, and it’s not necessarily the trust side of things. There is absolutely no trust at all now.

But it’s the constant replaying of all what has happened – questioning how I could have fallen for it, how did I not know, how could she be so calculating, how can someone tell such awful bad lies and deny, deny, deny.

The thieving she’s done as well, has caused me so many issues. So much shame and embarrassment, so much worry. I’m on edge all the time, waiting for something else to happen. Or knowing perhaps that something else has happened, I just dont know about it yet.

I’ve had counselling, which was fantastic and helped me process it all but the lies have made me very bitter.

She’s in desperate need of rehab, but we can’t afford it privately and the NHS wait list is months away.

I get fed up putting a fake smile on my face every day and pretending to the world we don’t have the life that we do have and fed up pretending I don’t have all the problems that I do. Nobody knows only a few close friends of mine who are so appalled I am putting up with this that those friendships are not the same as they were.

I’m in the process of getting myself a new life, reaching out in all directions for help, advice and hopefully some tips from others who have been in my shoes on how to move forward to hopefully a much happier and better future.

[fayzey]

Hi Triumph, sorry to hear you are going through this – reading your post reminded me exactly of how I feel/felt – the lies are definitely the worst. I would love to get to a point where we can get the trust back but it’s not going to be easy. Like you said I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. My partner is hopefully getting into NHS rehab – is your partner on the waiting list? I have asked my partner to move out as I couldn’t take it anymore as it was making physically ill with the stress of it – but I know that’s not right for everyone. Sorry I don’t have any advice as such but just wanted to let you know I know how you are feeling. Take care x

[triumph2022]

@fayzey

Thank you so much for message.

Yes my partner is on a wait list but as you know yourself spaces are so limited and the demand is high.

Same, I’ve asked her to go but she has now where to go, no money and going could mean the situation gets a lot worse, which is a big worry.

It gives me a lot of comfort knowing other people are feeling or have felt exactly like I do right now. Thank you x

[elf73]

I’ve only just joined this site but just wanted to say I’m in exactly the same position as you. In fact if you replace ‘she’ and ‘her’ with ‘he’ and ‘him’ and I could have written this word for word. The lies are most definitely the worst. Especially when you know they are lying at the point they are doing it. I hate myself for the way I react sometimes but although I’m new to seeking support myself I’ve already learnt a lot fro. Reading Kulstar’s posts and replies. I’m now focusing on my own wellbeing and taking a step back. I think he needs to figure this out on his own and I’ve neglected myself for far too long. I can’t offer any advice as like I said I’m new to this approach myself after dealing with his addictions for the best part of 20 years (gambling first and the past year coke and alcohol). However, I just had to say how much I related to your post. Look after yourself first.

[triumph2022]

@Elf73

Thank you so much for your message.

It’s comforting to know other people can relate to exactly how I’m feeling. It really does help keep me positive.

And it is such good advice to focus on looking after myself first.

I’ve begun to do this and although it’s hard at times, it is giving me hope and keeps my mind positive.

I’ll take a look at Kulstars posts myself and hopefully will learn a lot from them like you have.

Thank you x

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