[alanc]

I’m new to this forum and I would be grateful for any advice anyone has.

My 16 year old son is addicted to cannabis. It started off maybe 18 months ago taking the odd joint, but now it is every night he comes home stoned. This is having a devastating effect on family life as he shares a room with his younger brother who is being exposed to drug parafanelia and the sight of his brother stoned every night, plus the smell of cannabis in his room is pungent. I have tried talking to my son and have even persuaded him to attend an addiction group, but this only lasted 3 weeks. He just buries his head in the sand and thinks what he is doing is fine and not harming anyone.Every one of his friends smoke weed with him,so there isn’t even someone else he can hang out with who is clean. Not that he would want to as he has no intention of giving this addiction up.

It is so hard seeing my son like this and I feel totally helpless. Is anyone going through the same issues, if so how are you coping.

Thanks.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Alan,

Thanks for posting. I’m sorry that you’re feeling so helpless trying to deal with your son’s cannabis use and the impact it’s having on his brother and the family.

May be you would like to talk with someone who would understand and has a lot of experience of what you are going through. If so please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support to people who are affected by the addictive behaviours of a family member or friend. May be it would help you to find a way forward.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[alanc]

Thanks for the reply.

I will definitely use this information and contact your service. Hopefully this might give me an insight into how to cope with my son’s behaviour and addiction.

Thanks.

[danman83]

Hi alan..im 35.. i did cannabis when i was about 14 to 19. I was very addicted. Everyday i had it for 4 years i counted.. i thought it was clever at the time i was having it everyday.

I got stoned in school. And my GCSEs suffered for this. All Fs.

I made my mum n dads life a bit stressfull you could say. I had a bit of a temper.

Now this is what i did to stop.

I really wanted to stop. It made my chest really bad and i didnt go anywere just got stoned in my mates never had a gf at the time.

I found it very hard to stop. I started with a calender taking each day as it comes. Crossing 1 day off at a time i had not had it. I did a few days were i had stopped. Which was good

But it wasnt enough. So i decided why not go in the army.. you get drug tested.. so id have to quit before my drug test in 6 month.. and getting fit and running helped me stop. I was 6 month clean.

And i had my army test, i didnt get in for certain reasons.

But i was a changed man. And i was clean from it. I think i was just trying to get in the army to get me off it.

But what ive learned to quit drugs mainley is.

You have to want to quit.

You have to set goals.

You have to change your routine/life around.

I hope this helps alan

[alanc]

Hi Danman.

Joining the army was an option both myself and son had explored. We visited the local careers office and picked up lots of information. My thinking was to give my son a break from the toxic environment he currently lives in and meet guys his own age with the same goals, mixed in with the discipline the army offers. He was up for it but when he got round to applying lost interest. Now he’s smoking even more than before. He has had mental health issues before and my main concern is that due to the potency of cannabis now he develops a serious mental health issues further down the line.

Thanks.

[dnanon]

Hi Danman, with regard to my son’s gf I don’t think she is controlling but I think she stands by him and supports him whatever he is doing. We haven’t known her long but he has been living with her since before he sold his house. She helped us clear and clean his house. I have asked her when she thinks we can see/talk to him but not had a reply yet. I think you have got confused with another post as his gf isn’t pregnant. He stopped contacting us after he got his money from selling the house. Maybe he went on a coke binge and then felt guilty about it so has hardly been in touch since. We just don’t know. Something has defo gone on this week though. We just have to wait and see if he or she gets in touch.

Seems like you are still being good which is fantastic. How’s the decorating going?

[dnanon]

Hi Danman, further down the line have you ever thought about being a drug counsellor or sponsor . . .

[danman83]

May be, i like helping people tbh, in anything really.

But i cant start thinking that far ahead,

While im only 6 week off coke. But i thought about it this week.

So whats the situation now DNAon?

Has he been in touch since the last text i forgot to ask? Is he still using?

[icarus-trust]

You’re very welcome. I hope it really helps. Good luck.

[danman83]

If he has it everyday he will end up with mental issues.. i was a phycho when i couldnt get hold of it when i was younger.

Have you tried bringing the army up again?

Because of my past ive put pressure on my 15 year old lad not to do drugs. And i can 99% say he doesnt.

His mates sell weed and coke and all do ketemine!

But he doesnt go out with them. He just stays in on his xbox. Which i dont like but its better than drugs.

And my gf his step mum goes mad about him being on it . But she says she would rather him be outside doing drugs!! Than on his xbox.. shes on another planet!

But if his mates do it . He needs to change his mates.

[alanc]

My son came off the weed for about 4 days but the withdrawal symptoms were to much for him. He was having night sweats,nightmares ,bad headaches and really aggressive. I’ve told him to try and cut down. I’ve explained to him that the THC will stay in his body for roughly 10 days after one joint. He has to give his body a break. But he just buries his head in the sand and quotes from you tube how good weed is for you! All the experts and clinicians are wrong… I can’t see how I can get through to him.

He now works full time as a joiner, so the army would probably be off the horizon now.

I appreciate your input tonight.

Thanks.

[danman83]

Well a joiners a great job.. and least hes not a bum..

It depends which way you look at it now. And you might not agree with me. And also you might.

Some of my mates who are 40 still smoke week everyday. They have great jobs. Some there own business.

They are great lads. Dont fight. Or cause any crap.

Now alcohol.. how many people are in town on a night out beating each other to a pulp.

Im not saying weed is ok. But alcohol is as bad in my eyes.. maybe worse.. its a big debate really.

But if i was him, id stop ,it dont do you any favours as you have it every day..

Why dont he just have it at weekends or summat. Just to relax at the end of the week.

The sweats and that will go away eventually. It will take about amonth.

And it is good in medical purposes thats a fact.

But hes smoking it, which is not good on his lungs. And mental state.

[alanc]

Deep down he’s a good kid but he’s got in with some dodgy mates. I mentioned to him about just having a joint at the weekend as a way of cutting down. Well see.

I’ve also mentioned about joining a gym to get fit. I have a broken leg just now but plan to join when I get the nod from physio so I said I would buy a joint membership and go with him. He seemed very keen. As you mentioned earlier exercise might be the catalyst to wean him away from this.

[danman83]

Do you know what alan.. i dont know you. But i wish you was my dad. Lol

The support you are giving him.. the sitting down chatting about it and joining the gym together. I cant fault you. You should be proud of your self.

Just keep making him be aware and to cut down on it. At least just have it fridays to chill out say.

But get to the gym. Its perfect. Try and do something with him at weekends instead of his mates.

Its coke he wants to stay away from aswell. Im 6 weeks clean from that. Tell him avoid it at all cost and other things.

But going back to my dad, he just screamed his head of at me. And make me really edgy all the time and scared me.

So your doing the right thing.

Another thing i wanted to say, but my best friends sister. Who i have known all my life. Shes 39 and got diagnosed

With stage 4 lung cancer and kidney and bone in december. Shes been smoking weed everyday for years. And probably wont make it till xmas. And she has 3 young kids. Ita heartbreaking. But the smoking weed everyday could be what caused it??

[alanc]

That’s really sad about your friends sister.

I am very supportive, but that’s probably my work experience and training. I have lost the plot on a few occasions but who hasn’t.

I appreciate all the feedback from everyone today. It’s been very positive and has motivated me to keep going and find things that can help my son.

Thanks

[dnanon]

Glad it’s helped Alan. Best of luck.

[dnanon]

Hi Alan, my son started off taking cannabis. I don’t think it was every night. He is now 32 and has been taking cocaine for the last 10 years. He has 2 failed relationships and 2 children that he doesn’t see. He had a trade since he was 16 and was earning money, however for the last year he hasn’t worked. What I am trying to say is that if you don’t address this now your son could be like mine in 14 years time. You need to clamp down on him now before it escalates. I would say take Danman’s advice. Good luck x

[alanc]

This is my biggest fear, if he tries other substances and becomes addicted to harder drugs. He has said that he has never thought about harder stuff and he seems genuine. I had a quick chat with him tonight about cutting down his use and he said he wants to so I suggested a calendar like suggested by Danman and he said he’ll try it. Although he done this when he attended the addiction group and that only lasted a short time, but at least he was willing to speak about it. I also laid it on the line about his mental health and the consequences of extended cannabis use.

I work in mental health services and deal with drug and alcohol addictions most days so it’s my worst fear to see my son like some of the poor souls I work with.

[dnanon]

Hi Danman, no he hasn’t been in touch at all. Something has definitely gone on this week but really don’t know what. I have been texting his gf all week. The replies are a bit worrying i.e. He’s good at the moment, doing well and he’s not too bad, just asleep at the moment. He did say that she would not be able to give us any info and that it was nothing to do with drugs. We are both at our wits end. My mind has been slightly distracted with starting my new job but I worry about him coming constantly.

[danman83]

Ye its a strange one…

Have you not tried.. may be a cousin of his, if he has any close ones? Or a mate who you can have a word with him secretly to see if hes ok? And dont say that you have sent him.

[danman83]

Good luck alan. I hope it all goes well for you both

[dnanon]

He has not been in contact with any members of our family now for some time. He’s also not in contact with any of his mates anymore. Some of them ask about him when we see them and I find it difficult what to say to them.

[danman83]

May be tell is mates and ask them to check on him.but thats up to you. It is strange. Have you always been close or not?

[dnanon]

I don’t think any of his mates have his phone number or contact details any more since he moved in with his present gf. Over the last two years he has lived with us on and off as he wasn’t coping in his house on his own so yes we have always been close. But this time he has avoided contact with us since November when we helped him to sell his house.

[danman83]

Do you recan his gf is controlling him?? Is she still pregnant?

Its all so strange aint it?

How can he go from being close to this.Something must of happened. I hope you find out..

[danman83]

I just hope he gets in touch soon its not good on your health.

Decoratings stopped this weekend.. i hurt my hand but ill be back on it this weekend coming.

In the mean time im reading. Never in my life i have been enticed into something. Im loving it. Stephen kings revival its called. Im loving it

[Author]

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