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My partner suffers both from mental health and alcoholism I feel helpless and alone and as if I have no control over my own happiness and also unable to help him – I have read all the advise on not getting angry and I try to be often fail I feel so frustrated with the lack of control over the situation I have and my inability to stop him. We have ups and downs and the ups are great and he is a wonderful person the downs are horrendous and he is replaced by a demon and I don’t have a clue what to do I feel like I am just watching him destroy everything I feel isolated and alone as I can’t really tell anyone how I feel and it is destroying both me and him
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Sorry you are dealing with this also, it’s not easy at all, and it feels the more you try and help the more they push you away.
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Hi Bar, I’m so sorry to read this. I am going through the EXACT same thing. My partner is the most amazing guy you could imagine when he is sober. Kind and fun. But when he drinks he is vile and abusive. I have recently found out he has squandered tens of thousands of pounds, and has been contacting escorts behind my back while drinking and using cocaine. I’m 6 months pregnant. It’s the most dire situation, and as the pregnancy progresses, so does his drinking. He is about to lose his job. I have decided to leave him, at least for the short term, as my physical heath is now deteriorating as a result of my mental health collapsing. It’s such a horrible disease. You are really not on your own. Do you know if he wants to help himself? Does he know that he has a problem? Is he in any kind of treatment programme? I’m worried that now I have left that my partner may have a break down. I do think that he needs to reach rock bottom in order to see how bad his problem is, but I’m worried that he might commit suicide. It’s all so very sad.
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I walked away for a week, not long ago, unfortunately in that time he found his dad dead, I came back as a support unit, his drinking got bad he ended up in hospital for the second time, he drank again the third hospital visit was his rock bottom, he is now getting professional help, still drinking but cutting down as he can’t stop completely has he will risk a fit. You need to focus on yourself especially while pregnant x
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So sorry to hear that I read your story I do a youtube page to help mental health and addictions if you have youtube
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https://youtube.com/channel/UCvKqCZW_z6SWJ1ddOgN3ldg/
YOUR NOT ALONE
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I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through this. You and your partner sound like you have had a difficult time. I have now moved my things out of his place and will try and set up on my own somewhere. He is currently out in USA on a work trip. He would have missed the flight, as a few hours earlier he was unconscious after a four day bender. But I STUPIDLY ‘rescued him’. Cleaned him up, put him to bed, got him up and put him on the bus to the airport. He made the flight but upgraded himself to first class (spent £1000 which makes me feel sick), no doubt to get free flowing drinks on the flight. He’s been too drunk to make it into the conference he was going to and has now been sacked. He’s been semi conscious in his hotel room for two days …. I have no idea if he will be able to make it home. The stress is overwhelming. 🙁
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I am so sorry to read this. You deserve so much better. May I ask how far along you are In pregnancy, I had my second nearly a year ago and he had said some nasty stuff I felt ugly and worthless the whole time. Glad you have moved out, hopefully getting sacked will be a wake up call to start making changes. Do you have a support for you.
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Thank you. Just spoken to him and he is calling me a slut and that he is going to take the baby away from me when he’s born…at least he in conscious now!! I’m nearly 6 months. Yes I have support thank you. What a terrible sad situation. We were in Greece two weeks ago with my family and he proposed. And now everything has collapsed. He was amazing on holiday. Didn’t get drunk, was kind and fun. My family all fell in love with him. But I guess we have been leading a double life. This is so terrible. I love him so much and the thought of losing him breaks my heart. The worthlessness I feel is beyond words.
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I know these feelings all to well unfortunately. Moving out is the best thing to do for you and the baby.
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Thank you. Yes. I agree. He seems to have come round today. I’m not going to press him to get treatment anymore – he will have to go own that path on his own now. I will support him to get help but only if he makes the first steps. Pointless otherwise! Thanks again x
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Another night of him being nasty, all because of rum, not had a night like this in weeks was hoping it was all over, even worse the argument happened in front of my kids, ???? I couldn’t help myself by snapping back but the look on my daughters face broke my heart. All I get when he has sobered up it i deserve it.
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Hi Both of you,
I feel so so sorry for you both. I know the situation only too well, but I am many years past it now. My husband died 10 years ago and was an alcoholic, my Son was 5 at the time. We had already left him, due to his drinking.
My message is…you cannot stop them, the personal cost to yourselves and your own health is too great. It comes to a point of the fact that you must look after yourselves, before the suffering becomes too great. For children, they cannot be in a home with a parent who drinks to excess. It will be highly damaging for them.
Therefore, please put yourselves and your future child first. Don’t go back if you have left. It’s not your responsibility to keep the addicts alive, they are responsible for themselves. You have to be healthy to be a good parent to your child / children.
Only we know, the hardship living with a chaotic life of an addict. You both deserve normal lives. Take any means you can and leave the situation. Don’t worry about him threatening to take the baby away ( Georgina ), that’s nonsense. My ex used to threaten all kinds of things, I was petrified at the time. Ultimately he can’t even conduct his own life, let alone look after a child, anyone can see that. Keep evidence of everything that happens, he’s been sacked now and didn’t attend the conference, keep records of the dates of every event.
I wish you both luck and courage you beautiful souls, don’t let horrible addicts ruin your lives…get out.x
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