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I love my hubby sooo much, but I think he abuses my work, I make very good money and he doesn’t work any more …I started drinking a lot, consequently got a DUI…then I started doing cocaine …he catch me today, now I feel worst than ever…I’m a good hearted person…he’s the only one that doesn’t agree…I’m lost, sad..and thinking the worst…sorry…
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What doesn’t he agree with? Your substance abuse.?
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It sounds like your life was going very well but lost control with the drinking and drugs.
I have learned the blame is not on your spouse. Accepting the blame is a big step to gaining control back and seeking help on how to do it.
Are you seeking a program to help you get back on track?
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Hey Hunni, oh it’s so hard to detach from their lying…we so want to believe in them. I can only tell you what we have done as a family…like you I set my son up in a flat, brought furniture, helped with bills, only for it to all be thrown in my face…for over 4 years we lived with thr stealing, lying, being treated like sh@@! After many hours soul searching, I made the decision to stop. I told all my family to do the same, and call police if he became abusive…then into,d him while he was drinking and taking drugs I didn’t want to see him, and he could only come to see us “clean”, and not under the influence…he hated it, and we didn’t talk for a few weeks….that was almost a year ago…after giving him the option to choose he decided he needed to get clean…now it’s been no where near easy,many yes I have had to call the police…but he knows I’m there for him whilst he works to gaining a better life…he has a job, is back in his sons life and getting help from many different agencies…mental health team, drugs counsellor, doctor and fsmily….
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I have tried many times to get him help he been drugs team about 5 times but is non compliant they say its no good me wanting him to stop he got to want to do it himself. Even when I’ve not talked to him he promises everything and soon as we talk he just goes back the same way. I really don’t think after 10 years of living like this he will change he dosnt want to.
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Oh Maddie I so feel your desperation in your words. None of us have the answers, only how we have dealt with things. I’m guessing he is in his 20s now..well he’s classed as an adult and makes his own choices, but so do you Hunni..get tough, and stick to it…now that’s harder than it sounds, but for your own well being ,until he really is ready then the madness will continue as will his manipulation…try and find a support group for YOU…remember you are not alone xxxxhugs xxx
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thank you so much for your comments it means a lot x
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Hi Maddie, I too am going through much the same thing with my 26 year old son. He left home at 16, he has had umpteen flats furnished by us, a variety of jobs, convictions for theft, a short spell in prison and we are still doing our best to support him. It has all come to nothing. We are financially ruined, physically and mentally exhausted by all the worry and still, he calls almost daily looking for money for some ’emergency’ or other. I pray for the strength to leave him to it, but I find that I end up getting sucked in, time after time. I end up ranting at him like a lunatic because I am so angry, resentful and full of fear about what might happen to him. It’s dreadful and it’s causing a lot of conflict in our household. We are literally going under in every respect and I’d appreciate any support from you all.
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Everything you have said is the same as me both me my husband and daughter are on medication through his actions but he just says why are you taking pills its me that has a shit life!!! He turns everything around on to us. like I say in previous post I stopped all contact in January it was very hard but as the weeks have gone by we are all feeling better and the tension as gone out of the house. I’ve changed my number coz it was always me he rang or txt he would never ring his dad because their very clever and know who is the soft touch. I still hear about him and he is still up to no good but he is managing so if you stop giving your son will cope they will just latch on to someone else. It took me 10 years to reach this point it almost destroyed my marriage of 30 years but you have to focus on the family you got. I still struggle everyday and hope one day we will all be a family again but not untill he completely ready to give up his drugs. Hope this helps you .
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Hi Maddie and Louie
I am so sorry to hear your stories and how hard it is for you and the rest of your families to cope. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support people like yourselves who are dealing with the addiction of a friend or family member. We know what a difficult time this is for you so we have trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ that have lots of experience of talking to people in similar situations to yourselves. It often helps talking with people who understand where you are coming from and they can also signpost you to other help that is available. If you think it would be helpful please get in touch.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything!
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