[gil]

I really hope someone can offer advice or help on what I should do….

my boyfriend of 16 months seems to be on a cocaine and alcohol binge cycle every 3 weeks. I’ve observed the patterns and it becomes apparent every third week he kicks off about something which gives him the green light to more or less do cocaine and drink stupid amounts of alcohol ???? like 3.5 bottles Friday evening till Sunday!

When he’s sober he suffers with depression and anxiety. He says some days are battle. But when he’s in a good place he is really good/positive.

I’ve researched online and no doctor but like split personality disorder or bipolar symptoms.

He becomes emotionally disconnected during this time, vile natured abusive behaviour such as name calling etc etc. Never harmed me.

I’m just beside myself as this has happened over and over and I’ve just discovered it’s a pattern.

Wondered if anyone had advice or similar experience and how to deal with someone like that?

I’ve tried being empathetic, tried talking them around when they’re like that but it’s finds it fuels they’re nasty behaviours it’s very much jackal and Hyde as such! I’m now trying a new strategy of leaving him be when he’s like this and wait till he’s calmed down. But I don’t want him to think I’m walking away either but torn none the less ????

[danman83]

He needs to stop drinking totally.. coke and alcohol together form another drug in the body.. i forgot whats its called.. but drinking makes you want to get coke. Its a trigger for getting coke.

He may start arguments before getting coke.. this is called emotional relapse.. its his brain wanting coke.. and is playing mental games with him.. and you create situations that are not there as an excuse to go and pick up..

If hes being nasty with his mouth and that. Just give him some ground rules or your leaving. Tell him no more alcohol at least for a few month. Theres a great app called pocket rehab. Tell him down load that.

Does he want to quit.

[gil]

Hey, thanks for the reply.

That makes sense on the emotional relapse. And yes your right he makes things out more than it is as an excuse.

It must be awful dealing with that. I’ve done it recreational years ago with friends but never became addicted. So i can’t rationalise how if that makes sense it takes a hold of you. But he’s been doing it years and a lot I think past 3-4 years so it’s taken it’s toll.

That’s awesome advice I’ll look into that app.

Hope your ok and keep strong it’s hard but at least your trying and that is all that counts.

I hoped after he took his life last year he said he’d change didn’t drink or anything else for 4 months and then just one bad day triggered old memories or whatever and relapses.

His current cycle is 3 weeks and binges so he does do it every day but when he does he doesn’t stop blows £200 or more and the drinking is ridiculously out of control.

Anyway thanks for your advice! Good luck!

[danman83]

Good luck.. but he needs stay away from everyone and just spend time with you and away from alcohol. Thats if u can put up with him. Go for walks. Or a break in the lakes. 200 quid on coke can pay for the lakes for some refreshing thinking.

[gil]

It’s like talking to a brick wall! He almost died last year was traumatic for me and was by his side the whole time. He gave it up for 4 months and then relapsed before Christmas and has gained pace on 3 week cycle again. He was going it before hospital but told me it was anxiety and depression and that he needed to be alone. But he was binge that time in secret. Obviously he told me at hospital. Promised the earth had done nothing did the running healthy eating and relapses.

Promises and cycle continues.

Just hopeless. I’ve tried today which isn’t the best I guess cause he still caught up in his self absorbed self and high and intoxicated on vodka. So not getting through. He’s very jackal and Hyde. He’s verbally nasty and as much as I try to ignore what he says it obviously cuts deep.

My friends and family don’t know anything and if they did they say I’m nuts!! It’s hard when you love someone and see the good underneath but the pushing me away just hurts

[danman83]

Your in a tough situation.. you best off saying no more alcohol.. no more coke thats it now. Hes got to make an effort to sort himself. Im not defending him here.. but that stuff is horrible and its every were. Every toilet in every pub some 1 is doing it. I wish i never seen the stuff. But i think personally.. sit him down and lay some ground rules. But that is entirely up to u. I lapsed at xmas.. its all the beer..

[gil]

I think he’s sucidal this evening. He’s emotionally disconnected all weekend with me.

Tonight he’s sending me pics of when he was in hospital. Saying he’s battling every day and masking and hiding his pain???

[gil]

Thanks danman83

I think he’s hit rock bottom this weekend…. ????

[danman83]

Coming down off it sends me suicidal. And for days you feel down. Its a vicous circle.

But hitting rock bottom is good. Theres only 1 way up now. He needs ask for help and admit hes an addict. Tell him and you watch louise clarke on you tube on crack-cocaine part 123. Shes great and ive learned alot from her.. she will help you how to quit and how long it takes. And how sneaky the drug and disease as it is one works.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Gil,

I’m really sorry that things are so tough for you, especially if you can’t talk about your husband’s addictions to your family and friends.

If you would like to talk with us at The Icarus Trust please get in touch. We are a charity that supports people going through what you are, coping with the addiction of a partner.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck with everything.

[Author]

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