[jay098]

Hi there,

This is my first time on this forum but I’m really at a loss about what to do.

I live with my family, 5 of us in total, and 2 members are addicts. My brother is a drug addict and this has been going on for several years.. however this lockdown has made things particularly difficult – he consistently left the house multiples times during the day and night. When he returns he is unfocused, running up and down in different rooms in the house all day and night, talking either very quickly or slurring, jumping up and down and occasionally being violent. I have no idea what drugs he is taking (possibly cocaine.. maybe speed?) But it is becoming really difficult to handle having him in the house. Oh did I mention that he also has epilepsy?! Someone else in the house in currently undergoing chemo, and of course being shielded as best as possible, is becoming increasingly distressed. My other sibling is suffering from sudden panic attacks – I’m sure related to both the pandemic but also the stress of living in the house. I, personally, am finding it more and more difficult.. my mental health is taking a huge hit. I’m caring for someone with cancer and on top of that dealing with an erratic drug addict as well as an narcissistic alcoholic (but that’s another story).

I don’t know what to do. He can’t continue living here; he doesn’t have much money but he seems to have enough to spend on drugs. I feel as though we are enabling him by allowing him to live here rent free but what can we do? Kick him out on the street when it’s almost guaranteed that he’ll become homeless?

Please if you have advice, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Jay

[dfh]

Hi Jay

Sorry you are dealing with this right now.

Can you ask him if he has anywhere else he could stay? If he can’t abide by rules then he can’t stay in the house. Point out that he is putting others at risk and if it continues he needs to leave.

As far as the drugs, only he can get help. If it ultimately leads to homelessness then that is a direct result of his actions and he has to deal with that. You are enabling him.

It’s hard but you have to stop protecting him from himself.

I’m in your position but further down the line. My addict is in recovery and I had to do what I’m advising you. Step back and stop covering. It will get easier for you xx

[jay098]

Hi,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!

I spoke to him today and for the first time voiced my opinions. He didn’t really have much to say, but I suppose he’s suffering from the effects of coming down. Anyway he’s looking for somewhere else to live; he has already moved some of his things. I really hope that in the meantime he won’t take anymore drugs while inside the house.

I know that he has tried therapy/recovery process before. I do feel very sorry for him because he’s ruining his life.. but he’s also ruining the rest of ours too. We all need to stop enabling him because it’s allowing him to continue and it’s not fair on us.

Anyway, thanks again really appreciate it xxx

[bt1978]

Hey Jay

That’s a ton of weight for one person to shoulder right there, and that isn’t even taking lockdown into account.

What you feel is to be entirely expected given what you have to contend with

Do you know what he is taking by chance?

The problem with lockdown is that being cooped up all the time really amplifies problems for a number of reasons, and you also feel trapped like you can’t get away.

It really depends whether he wants to stop and turn things around. He will likely need some help as this is more than just putting things down

Keep sharing on here as you sound like you need an outlet to talk about things, and lots of people on here are in a similar boat or have similar experiences it can really help to hear you are not alone

Stay strong mate

[jay098]

Hi BT1978,

Thanks for your message.

I have no idea what’s he’s taking, he refuses to say and I’m not even sure I want to know as it’ll just make me worry even more.

The lockdown has made everything worse; stuck with no way to escape! He says that he’ll go to the doctor to get help.. but I’ll believe it when I see it. I hope this will be a turning point for him but that’s on him.

I don’t really know what else to do, if I had enough money I’d be straight out of here!

[bt1978]

Sorry to hear that Jay. Is he still there, has he actually seen a GP yet?

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