[hanaless75008]

Hello,

My husband is a sex addict and he abuses drugs and alcohol to heighten his sexual activities which usually just involve his masterbating too porn. He is bisexual so to “scratch that itch” I can not provide, he resorts to using toys, porn and drugs. I have “allowed” this because it is the closest option tot he real thing and I am not into open relations and he does not want to cheat.

He drinks and smokes weed everyday and in excess which opens the door to this side of his – he can do it without the drugs.

He has sought help but does not stick to what the doctors says, medication in particular and does not see the doctor regularly. He said the drugs dumbed down his impulses and he did not like it.

He spends less time with the kids because of all of this and less time with me as well.

He loves me and our children but for the past 3 months he has been engulfed in this side of him and that is all he thinks or talks about. He says he is exploring this side of him but I do not know how much longer I can take of it.

He has an addictive personality and has tried to be sober, for a couple months here and there it worked but only to spiral down and go back to his vices. It’s been a cycle of that for years.

I am torn because I love him and so do our kids but his current lifestyle choices are in contrast to what we have built as a family.

I have already sucked up a lot, his porn watching, his drinking, his drug use… he is definitely less of an a-hole when he has those things to enjoy but I feel I am losing myself in the process.

I want us to be a family, I do not want to be s single mom, it would be so hard for the kids and anyway I can not support our current lifestyle on my own (housing, school tuition, etc).

I feel like almost a martyr if I want to be dramatic for accepting all that he does just so my kids (3 month old and 7 year old) can have a Dad and relatively stable life.

Maybe he sees no reason to quit any of this since I am not going anywhere. He can do what he wants and have a wife and kids, not problem.

I have thought about leaving on numerous occasions but it would be too difficult so I accept.

So far his actions greatly affect me only, not so much the kids.

The drug use has a lot to do with his bisexuality. It is a struggle of his to be in a heterosexual monogamous relationship. He thought ad he assured me too he could do it, but now he has stronger impulses and again, acts on them on his own with porn, toys and drugs. That used to happen once a month at the most but for the last three months it has been every other day.

He does not seem to want to lessen anything…

If I allowed him to seek pleasure outside the marriage, he would jump on that in a second but I am not ready to do that and I do not think I ever will. That is a struggle for him thus the drugs use, alcohol, etc…

He loves the me and family too much to leave for sexual purposes but it is a suffering for him that he can not truly experience the other side. He sees it as almost a lose lose situation…what to do… I am thinking I just focus on bettering myself and being a good Mom and stop caring about him too much because for too long, his happiness has dictated my own. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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