[kellie]

i have been with my partner for 14 years we have 2 adopted boys and a lovely home he has changed so much it scares me and i am a shadow of my former self i was so confident and outgoing and now i just hide away waiting for the next lie i found out my partner was heverly into cocaine 2 years ago he got into a lot of debt and was so paraniod somebody would come through our door he stole a lot of money of his nan and when i found out i was so ashamed he cheated on me with some randome girl of tinder but because i love him we decided to hit the reset button and start again he begged me to marry him and i did thinking hed stopped the cocain he then had a mental breakdown and thretend to take his life a couple of times blaming it on everything else but the truth that he is a addict i went up to make the bed today and found a empty bag on the windowsill but once again deny deny deny money is going missing and his moods are up and down and he can be vile and nasty at the drop of a hat i realy dont want to give up on him but ime all out of ideas i cant go through this mental torture anymore but my heart wont let me walk away i am so confused and scared but have to paint a smile on my face for my boys when all i want to do is hide in a hole i feel so backed into a corner xxx

[l54321]

Hi Kellie, I am so sorry you are going through this, my partner is an alcoholic and I know the pain every time you find out they are ‘back on it’ having to paint a smile on your face for the sake of the children feels like such an immensely unfair pressure, I feel it taking it’s toll on me each time, trying to make everything appear ‘normal’ My partner has relapsed again after a few weeks, this time his excuse was the devastating news I received yesterday that my ex husband and father of my 3 young daughters has kidney cancer at aged 41, I have cried buckets for my ex who is a brilliant man and father, I needed my partner to be there for me and yet he made the choice to make himself feel better by getting drunk and in the process me feel worse and heap more pressure and despair on me. A few weeks ago it was because my 11 year old daughter was self harming. It’s like he uses the horrible things that happen to me to justify making my life worse by drinking and not being there for me. Addicts are so selfish and I struggle to understand what occurs in them to do what they do to us and everyone who cares about them. I feel nothing for him at the moment, when he’s got it together I’m so in love with him. He didn’t go to work this morning, supposedly to support me but he got up this morning and started drinking and was drunk before I was awake. My life crumbles and it’s like he starts stamping at what remains, truth is he is never there for me because when shit happens he drinks. I don’t know how to continue sometimes but somehow we do, I understand how broken you must feel, the helplessness and terror. When my partner drinks he cry’s and talks about killing himself, when he isn’t drinking he is fine, the drink or drugs in your case make them feel so bad they feel like this, it’s ridiculous that they continue. I have no words of wisdom for you and for that I am sorry, I feel the same that I want out but love him so much I just go round in circles. Please know that you are not alone and I’m here if you’d like to talk. Xx

[kellie]

thank you for youre reply lovely and i am sorry to hear about youre ex husband its just sad thats how i feel sad i just want to scream at him but i know theres no getting through i just feel drained but i know i have to be the best mum and put them first hes got a place in my family home if he realy wants it but i cant fight alone the way he uses the mental health descusts me its his way of justerfieing his behavior i hope you can find peice sweetheart xx

[kellie]

thank you for youre reply lovely and i am sorry to hear about youre ex husband its just sad thats how i feel sad i just want to scream at him but i know theres no getting through i just feel drained but i know i have to be the best mum and put them first hes got a place in my family home if he realy wants it but i cant fight alone the way he uses the mental health descusts me its his way of justerfieing his behavior i hope you can find peice sweetheart xx

[l54321]

Thank you Kellie I hope you find peace too. No matter what the addiction they always find an excuse for doing it, as you say you want to scream at him, I want to scream at my partner that he’s the one that deserves the potential death sentence my ex husband has just received, I’ve bitten my tongue when it pops in my head each time as I don’t wish that on him and it’s a terrible thing to say, yet I still think it because I want to hurt him to shake him out of it and make him wake up and sort himself out. But I unfortunately know it’s pointless saying anything at all to him with the state he is in. Last time he tried blaming me saying he didn’t go to work and drank because I hadn’t prepared his food and he didn’t have any clean clothes, it was absolute rubbish, I have meals I prepare and freeze for him and the clothes were in his drawer, but they don’t know what the hell they are saying and they don’t care that they hurt us, all that matters to them is their addiction. My partner went to court recently for more access to his daughter, we spent a fortune and it caused so much stress and worry, yet his ex knows nothing about his drinking and this was not a reason for not allowing him to see his daughter, his ex was just bitter he left her – if only she knew what he’d turned into. He won extra time which was fantastic, and I do all the dropping to school & collecting, my daughters and his love each other to bits, and somehow it’s left to me to look after all of them. How would I leave and upset the 4 girls in this way and tear their lives apart. My daughters will have their lives turned upside down when they find out about heir dad. I wish I could disappear into a hole and hide as well, yet tomorrow I will go to work, sort the kids and carry on as if it’s not happening because I have no choice. You are amazing, everybody on here is amazing to cope with loving an addict. Xx

[kellie]

its so hard my brain is running a million miles a hour but my son is stood in front of me asking for his tea so tea it is i tried talking to my husband when he came home no shouting no accusing but hes done what he allways does hes bolted with a million reasons why he has to go out i just wish they could feel our pain and live in our shoes for just one day every time he leaves ime waiting for a nock on the door i just dont get it but thats because ime not in his shoes but hes not in mine either it would be so easy to run away but why should i loose everything when ive done nothing wrong xx

[l54321]

The only other thing I do when I get a whiff that my partner is drinking is to move all the money out of our accounts so he can’t get anything, as far as I am concerned the money is for the kids not for him to spend getting into a state. It’s actually forced him to seek help in the past and I do it with no remorse even knowing that it could potentially kill him to stop drinking- hence he gets help. Xx

[kellie]

i realy dont know what to do hes allways got the bank cards hes phoned me in the last 10mins with the same excusis but its time for a face to face talk and him staying away is making me stronger to tell him to go all my decisions come from his actions he knows hes been cought out and doesnt want to face me honest i am not even going to scream and shout it gets us know where but i also wont put up with his bull crap anymore xx

[l54321]

No you shouldn’t have to lose everything and it’s awful that’s the choices you feel you have. I understand and I wish mine could know and understand what he puts me through. My partner doesn’t go out I must admit, I don’t have the fear of the knock on the door, instead I have to keep checking he’s not dead in our bed but at least I know where he is I suppose. I couldn’t face cooking today and opted for takeout which the kids were delighted with but I feel bad for not being a better mother & feeling unable to motivate myself to cook. It must be so hard for you wondering where he is and what he’s up to, they do not realise or care about the emotional damage they do, a few weeks ago he was gone when I woke up and turned his phone off all day. I had to sort the kids and work, I couldn’t get hold of him all day, in the end I called the hospital and they confirmed he had admitted himself in, basically because I took away any chance he had of getting his hands on alcohol so they had to treat him because it’s dangerous. I am not proud of myself forcing our NHS to treat him but the other option is letting him spend all our money, be unable to pay rent and bills and him kill himself that way with the kids watching. I have just checked on him and his stomach is jerking which I have seen so many times now and I know he will have to go to hospital a bit later, he won’t be able to work tomorrow and we lose £250 everyday he doesn’t work, so he sure doesn’t get to spend any. I wish I could give you a massive hug and tell you it will all be ok xx

[kellie]

my god lovely its no way to live how do i tell my family i would never want them to hate him i just want him to get any help he can but what do we do if we brake down social services get involved its all wrong ive cried out today phoned everybody i can think of not family but help lines but its allways he needs this or he needs that ime so angry and feeling stupide xx

[l54321]

I find I feel like that and then he gets sorted and everything turns ‘rosey’ again, the pain diminishes and I almost forget how bad it all was and try to look forward, and I fall in love all over again. I don’t tend to shout and scream either because it’s never helpful even though god I want to, I don’t make digs about what he’s done or throw it back in his face when he’s sober, I talk to him instead and can see in his face he’s ashamed but doesn’t want to hear it. They live in denial and we live in our own personal hell. It’s disgusting what they do and how they treat us. You must feel in awful not knowing what he is up to. I am dreading him not going to work tomorrow and know he will go to hospital. My work place knows the situation and support me but I imagine my boss thinks I’m a mug and I feel ashamed of myself for being in this situation.

[kellie]

my idiot husband got stoped in his car a few months ago and told me was down to canabis in his blood and tba i knew then he was lieing but gave him the benifit of the doubt but saturday we recieved a letter saying it was the affter afects of cocaine but tells me they got it wrong deny denty deny again he will loose his licence and his job no remorse his mum doesnt help i called her screaming out for help telling her how bad hes got her reply was if he turns up here ile give im some money and send him away how does that help its a lonely place to be in the partner/wife of a adict xx

[l54321]

I also feel stupid and ashamed. My family know he has drinking episodes but I’ve hidden what’s happened the last two times as they think badly of him otherwise, I do realise that in doing this I am cutting off my support from them. Relationships do break down and social services would surely look at your merits and capabilities, I do know someone that adopted two girls with her husband and they separated but she still bought the girls up on her own, but I understand why you would be so scared of that.

[l54321]

I’m scared mine will lose his job as well, Christmas is coming and four kids to create a happy Christmas for. Mine doesn’t have any family to support him as he was put in care at 3yrs old and stayed there. It nice for his mother to take the easy unhelpful option of giving him money and sending him away. The lies they tell are so damaging, this morning I asked if he’d been drinking, he said no, I knew he was lying and it’s funny how you can be drunk all day to the point of unconsciousness and yet not have touched a drop!! It must be a bloody miracle! We are made to feel like shite for asking because we know they are at it. I swear the last two days he has drunk on his way home from work because I just know he’s not been right, yet when I’ve spoken to him deny deny deny until my ex husband’s misfortune gave him the perfect reason to just get pissed and not give a damn. You are so right I also feel so alone, but having you to talk to is helping me and I hope it’s helping you to not feel so alone too xxx

[kellie]

yes its realy helping me and ime glad ime helping you my heads telling me get rid youre a good girl you make this family what it his not him but my heart is scared ile make him worse i just want to be allowd to be angry at him instead of feeling like ile make it worse and give him the excuse to do what he wants xx

[l54321]

I think this is how we enable them because we hold everything together and stop it falling apart, but what other choice do we really have. I also feel like getting shot of him but the reality of going through with it is so different, what about the kids, the house, money, starting over, I keep telling myself one day I will just get shot and be done and I will be ok and I honestly believe I will be and so would you. When I went upstairs a short while ago he was awake but definitely not there and I wasted my breath telling him tomorrow he can pack his bags and get to f***, I would have received the same response I got from saying it to the toilet. I hate that I have to endure everything while he checks out of reality. I hate that I am searching the house, car and garden for booze so I can confiscate it and I hate that I hide alcohol so he can’t drink it. I’ve hidden it in the chicken coop, bin anywhere inventive I can think of. I hope your husband returns soon and starts to deal with what he has done but every time I think we are getting somewhere he screws me over again. Xx

[noami01]

Hi Kellie,

Im sorry your going through this and I feel all of your pain as Im going thru the samething. My husband has been a addict for almost a year now he have spent all of our money. It has gotten to a point I believe he has sold our car which was the only transportation I had to back and forth to work. Im now in a position where my kids and myself is facing eviction and the light are about to be shut off due to such as high balance. Im unable to put our home back together as his addiction has cost us everything. I no have to place to go, no means to transportation to get to and from work due to it not being on a bus line. He comes and goes and be gone for days at a time. When I try to explain to him whats we are facing and how he put everything at risk he says im playing victim he lost all of his care and love for anything other than himself and drugs (cocaine) . My heart goes out to you Im always up for a chat if needed ☺️

[kellie]

thank you hunny its been a rougph night he hasnt come home i am so broken i dont know if hes alive or dead i dont know what to do x

[l54321]

Hi Kellie I’m so sorry you are having to feel this way. Mine left the house at 4 o’clock this morning, I also have no idea where he is or if he is ok. I feel so broken but having to work as neither of us will be earning money otherwise. I’m so devastated I feel physically ill and I cannot stop crying. Sending you massive hugs and hope you hear something soon xx

[kellie]

hi lovely sorry ive been on the missing list i just want to scream things are never going to get any better had to tell my family today just made me feel like a fool its ok saying walk away but how after 14 years me heads telling me to run but my heart wont let me hes emptied the bank down to the last penny to pay off a debt his words its christmas in 6 weeks what do i tell the kids that daddy banged it up his nose ime angry scared and very alone xx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie I really hoped that your disappearance meant things were better, I am so sorry to hear that it’s not. My heart breaks for you, me and everybody having to deal with the selfishness of addiction, if only leaving were that easy!! People are so narrow minded and insensitive when you really need them to just be there for you and not dictate, it’s just because they care though and feel as helpless as you do in many ways. I too have been so worried about Christmas and two kids with birthdays in December. I had to call an ambulance yesterday with four kids in the house, I spent Saturday night searching for the wine I had hidden that he found and then hid in numerous places, I failed and the selfish bastard drank the lot! In two days he drank 5 litres of cider, 10 bottles of beer, a litre & a half of babysham and 7 bottles of wine, wtf!! The the ambulance woman told me he admitted he drank bleach before they came so they put him under whilst in hospital. While I looked after 4 kids and tried to continue as normal for all the girls. I’m still in shock today after everything and keep bursting into tears for no reason. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will all be ok. Is there anyway you can take control of the finances so he can’t get what goes in? I find it’s the only way I can keep control, I won’t even allow money for fuel now he’s sober, I will go to the garage and fill up myself. Sending you lots of love and please message me anytime xxx

[kellie]

omg sweatheart i realy hope you and the babys are ok why should we have to hide everything its our home we keep it running while they do what they want i thought we was going to be ok he was cought out again and said the same old crap we had a nice weekend then today i found out hed spent all our money i admit i went mad but only because i gave him every chance to tell me everything but once again he lied dont know why ime supprised he was phoneing and msging all night and i finaly gave in and said come home we will contact everywhere we need to in the morning all i asked was leave me alone i need time and space he wanted to be able to cuddle me but for one i was strong he then grabbed tablets and beer and left so i had no choice i had to phone the police i dont want him to die they finaly found him ive herd nothing since but at least i know hes safe i dont know how you cope lovely bleach realy they both need sectioning for there own sake then maybe they will get the help they need and give us and are babys a break xxx

[kellie]

its 4.15 i cant sleep my brain wont let me but hes phoned the police have taken him to the hospital he said they are watching him so he dosent leave i hope he gets help now but i know they will patch him up and send him home the nights are the worse its so lonely everybody else that has a normal life is asleep i wish xx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie I know I feel so sleep deprived too although mine is getting a little better. You did the right thing calling the police even if he doesn’t think so! I said I would call the police on Sunday if he got into the car, which was what he was talking about doing so the kids wouldn’t see him in such a state. Fortunately the girls think everyday is party day and we’re upstairs dancing and singing to Christmas songs, all I could do was cook a roast and go on a washing and cleaning mission, after the ambulance took him away at midday I was so relieved. It’s good he is in the hospital maybe it will be the turning point for him? For a short time if nothing else because let’s face it, it never seems to last forever! The lies are awful, I also got angry it’s so hard to control and yes they want a cuddle and reassurance and then to screw us over immediately after. Mine went back to work yesterday and is now second day sober but can’t forgive him at the moment. Hopefully the hospital will be able to sort him out and it bought me comfort knowing he was safe. Have you got a good understanding friend that doesn’t judge or lecture? Sending you loads of love xxx

[kellie]

well what can i say today has been a long ass day he finaly saw the mental health team this morning and they phoned me they say he realy wants help and will do whatever it takes to beet this disgusting vule evil habit he has come home and we have just had a call from the home rehab people they are coming tomorrow to talk to us about a treatment plan ime not going to be nieve and think yeyyyyyy its going to have to be one day at a time but the first step has been made by him i just hope and pray we can work on this together and ime praying i get the man i fell in love with van come back to us and i just want to say thank you being able to vent to you is saving me from going crazy because everybody is worried about him but whos there for me xxx

[noami01]

That is GREAT NEWS . I’m rooting for you guys. Unfortunately for myself my husband is still MIS I havent heard from him in a week. noone knows where he is. Im very afraid and dont know if something happen to him or not. I called the jails and hospitals and hes not there. Im not sure if I should go looking for him at this point.

[kellie]

awww sweetheart my heart breaks for you if hes not in either places ide prepare myself for heartache he could be with another woman some bitch that will feed and share his habitt i dont mean to upset you but for warnd and all that they want you to go looking for them its part of there power to make us week and scared he will come home when money runs out and he feels like crap promising the world please be stong lovely because sadly you have to be strong for both of you whilst hes week and pathetic youve got us to chat to and too keep youre head up my thoughts are with you hunny xxx pc maybe its time to phone the police and tell them youre worries and if hes in a car they will find him xxx

[l54321]

That is great Kellie! I hope he continues down the right road but as you say we are unable to foretell what will happen in the future, I feel the same that I don’t want to get hopeful that things will be totally different going forward as we aren’t the ones in control of the situation, but that’s an amazing start. You have been such a support to me too and helped me keep my sanity, I guess that’s what this site is for, I hope you manage to start sleeping better soon, I look and feel 100 years old at the moment. Please let’s keep in touch and hopefully we’ll be able to continue feeling some peace. Xx

Naomi, I am sorry that’s awful you are still in the dark as to his whereabouts, Kellie is right that when they disappear it’s to make us feel like shite and worry about them and it’s so selfish and heartbreaking. Sending you massive hugs and please keep talking to us if you need too, I would have been lost without Kellie to talk too. I truly hope he turns up soon or makes contact so you know he is ok at least but as suggested perhaps telling the police if he’s in a car and they will be able to find him. Xx

[noami01]

thanks to you both. I just got a notification that he just tried to withdraw money out of our account but couldnt cause I have it locked. At least now I know hes alive. just praying for better is all I can do.

[kellie]

we got this ladies……. and weve got each others backs so lets stay strong and hold our heads up were the ones keeping everything going so theyve got a home to come back to i am so glad he couldnt get his hands on youre money xxxxx

[l54321]

Well all I can say is good on you!! I take the stance that if you’re going to behave that way and try and ruin our lives and cause so much stress, if you want to do that to yourself you’ll have to steal to get it! They committed to the bills and that’s what the money will be spent on. I moved all money out of the account and he still gets nothing until I feel it’s safe to do so, even though he’s sober two days it’ll take weeks before I can give him a fiver. I’m glad it’s reassured you that he is ok though, that is a massive relief I’m sure. I am collecting a secondhand cabinet tomorrow with a lock, it has handles a chain can be put through and a combi lock will be put on and you can get alarm tags that you can fit so I am doing that as well. I’m taking no chances over Christmas and if I have any family over I’d still like to be able to offer someone else a drink without the worry that he will go nuts and drink the lot and end up back in hospital. What a bizarre way to live and I have no desire to spend the early hours of a Sunday morning again counting the recycling so I can work out how many bottles of wine he has stashed away and then spend hours trying to find them! You definitely deserve better, we all do, but we can’t help but love them still, it doesn’t just disappear. Keep us updated lovely and I hope that he turns up soon preferably with the incentive to change. X

[icarus-trust]

Hi Kellie,

I’m so sorry to read your post and see how badly affected you are by your husband’s addiction. It must be very hard for you to keep strong for your boys.

If you would like some support please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the families around addicts and we have trained and experienced people you could talk to that might help. They would also let you know what other help there is out there for you.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you.

[kellie]

thank you weve just had our first meeting with the mental health team and they were brilliant it was heartbreaking today because i had social services on my back but i will not let this affect my boys he feels better being able to talk and i feel a bit better being able to listen i promise you this evil drug will not beat this family watch out cocaine ime coming for you o know its only the first hurdle and theres a long way to go but tonight for the firs time in a long time i think ile sleep xx

[l54321]

Hi Kellie, how’re things with you? I just thought I’d check in with you and see if everything is still on the right track. I truly hope so. Things here are good still, he seems determined not to return to drink but still early days And we can only take it a day at a time, but he’s trying to claw back the money with as much overtime as he can for Xmas and so I can catch up on bills. Anyway I was thinking of you so wanted to send you some love xx

Naomi, I hope he has turned up now and things are looking better for you and you’re getting some support xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Kellie,

That’s so good to hear. Don’t forget were here if you need us.

[soaps8282]

Oh I’m so sad for you I’m unfortunately in the same position. I’m dying inside I just want my life and my husband back but cocaine has taken him and given me lies and dramas and heartache instead. I’m reading quote after quote on the internet and I know I should just shut the door on our relationship but it’s so hard. I know exactly how you feel my love you’re not on your own. It’s like why should we and our dreams be punished coz of that crap!!! But they have been. I’ve not faced it yet and it looks like you haven’t either. But we will be okay I’m sure. Xx

[kellie]

thank you lovely ime trieng so hard to be his rock but its soooooooooooooo hard whos our support theres lots of help if they want it but not much help for us after all the kids cant have two screwed up parents we are at the drug doctors today to see what damage has been done i hope it puts the fear of god up him and he finely realises theres only 2 ways out of this 1 help or 2 death there seems to be no inbetween just wish i could run away but i wont just want this nightmare over if i dont stay strong who will xx

[l54321]

I know Kellie there doesn’t seem much support that you can just reach out too whenever you need to. I must be in a bit more fortunate position as my work colleagues have been supporting me and a good friend who’s 2 decades older was with a cocaine addict many years ago, he was the love of her life. So she doesn’t judge me. It’s a shame your family don’t seem to be supporting you more. Can you ask the people he’s seeing today where you can access something because as you say you/we are the ones that have to hold everything together for the sake of the kids? How did the social services thing go? Hopefully they are being supportive towards you and the children. And I am here anytime you want to talk or vent, I don’t know what I would have done without having you to talk to a couple weeks ago, sending you virtual hugs. I hope everything goes ok today, fingers crossed. xx

[pray4love]

Kellie this is so hard because there is nothing we can do to change them. They have to want it enough to get help and do everything to stay drug free. Until then we have to do everything to keep the family together. One thing I did that really helped relieve my stress is tell my family the truth and stop lying to them. They surprisingly were very supportive, because they all love him just as much as I do. I don’t tell them the whole details, just that he has an addiction and he wants to get stop, but nothing has worked. I live my days by enjoying what pleases me without guilt. I have separated our money, so he only pays for his debts. I was established before we marrried, so I can afford everything without his income. Unfortunately, he makes more money than I do but most of it doesn’t comes to the household.

Have you all noticed that all the help is for opioid users and alcoholics, but all the treatments out there is not working on cocain addicts. My husband really wants to stop and has tried everything out there, but is not working. He even tried the medicine that takes the desire away and makes you sick if you do it. He went the longest with that lasting 9 months. After all that time he was still able to use and it has not worked sense. It so hard knowing he wants to stop but can’t find what works. He has even been I rehab a few times. 3 times it was more than 3 months. One as long as 6 months.

It is like I am in a waiting game waiting to get my love back, until then I enjoy the good moments and not let the bad times get me too down.

[kellie]

well all i can say is ive tried but today i have to say ime done ime descusted and ashamed so call that evil peice of crap my husband nothings going to change and i get that now, he is a thief and a lier i noticed money still going missing out of my bank not his so would need my card well i thought ide done well not letting him get his hands on either but phoned the bank today and money was still going out then i realised i orderd a new card a few months ago so i had the new card but hed kept the origional and been yousing it for months cought him out today i moved my money and got my card back and bones his wages went in ive now moved them to my account screw him he can have nothing, i was quite calm and told him to leave looks like cocain won hes all yours i cant help anymore xxx

[l54321]

Oh Kellie it’s bought tears to my eyes reading this, I am so sorry sweetheart, I wish I could be there for you more than messaging on here. I just don’t know what to say as there is nothing that will make you feel better at this time. You are so strong and deserve so much better and so do your beautiful boys, if you decide it’s not over there’s no shame or judgment in that, it’s not always that easy. But if you do decide that it is just know that you WILL be ok and you and the boys will be happy, happier than you are now. That is not a suggestion to get rid, I would support whatever decision because it’s yours to make and I am here anytime you want to vent, the transition would be hard but brighter in the end. I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now. Sending you so much love right now xxx

[kellie]

i just feel sad hes been my best freind for 14 years but i best freind wouldnt treet me like this hes called demanding money but ive told him to go whistle that moneys for my kids xmas theyve done nothing wrong and he can piss off hes spent enougphe xx

[l54321]

That’s all you can do, take control of yourself and concentrate on the kids. I am so sorry Kellie, and my words can never touch the surface of what you must be feeling. Keep talking and reach out to whoever you can, you deserve some support and need to look after yourself Xx

[kellie]

ive had the night from hell i stuck to my guns and gave him nothing and i wouldnt let him home i just needed some space to clear my head but he couldnt give me that he was calling constantly demanding money then when that didnt work he got realy nasty he was on my face book and sent me msgs saying he was going to kill his self live on my face book he left nasty statuses saying that i decided to be single i deleated it quick and changed my [assword a police officer turned up at 3.30 checking i was ok and to tell me hed been arrested he told them hed od.d on tablets but i knew he was lieing i took all the tablets out of the packet and gave him 1 no way is he getting away with that he thinkd he can get outt of it using that excuse i love the man with all my heart but what do i doo it has to stop xx

[l54321]

That sounds like absolute hell my love! What a total selfish manipulative ass. I know he hasn’t always been that way but it’s hard to comprehend how he can turn into this person and treat you and the kids as he is. It sounded like he had hit rock bottom this last week but somehow then found some even deeper depths! You are being so strong, don’t ever doubt yourself. I think you have no choice but to just let him spiral to his own destiny as nothing you’ve done seems to make him want to change. I feel so sad for you. But you won’t lie for him or give him the means anymore and that’s a massive step to protecting yourself and the kids. Him being arrested hopefully has bought you some small comfort that he can’t harass you or put himself in danger? Have you got someone there for you Kellie? Can you do something nice for yourself and the the boys, you need to be kind to yourself huni. You can’t pour from an empty jug. I know it’s hard holding everything together when you have children and just want to have sometime to feel ruined. You are amazing dealing with this the way you are. Xx

[davidk]

Hi Kellie,

sorry to read your story,

how are things going now as I notice this is a couple of months old.

your story and how you feel sounds pretty similar to my own situation,

there is no easy fix for this but reading other partners stories and finding out that how you feel is completely normal amongst people in the same boat really helped me stop feeling like I was going insane, so hope it helps you too.

[Author]

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