[helenjh]

Oh Gem I am sorry you are going through this – its tough when somebody you love is an addict – for me it is my son :'(
what you have to remember is whenever he is abusing a substance he will also be lying to you and will say what ever he thinks you want to hear or what ever he has to in order to manipulate you into doing what he wants!

Addiction is an illness and the addict is not the person you fell in love with….. while you may feel you have a duty of care to him because you are all he has got – there is a reason you are all he has got!

You also have to remember that you have a duty of care not only to yourself but to your children and you have to put you and them way before him …..because he wont will abusing he will always put himself first.

You need to stay strong – i know how hard it is – i had to put my son in rehab when he was 15 years old and he has been on and off the substance abuse wagon ever since – right now he is clean (but only for 7 weeks) and when he is clean he is the loveliest person you could meet – when he is abusing he is the worst person you could meet :'(

I cannot walk away from him because he is my son – he is my responsibility – this man is not yours! I hope you can find the strength to protect you and your family from any more pain he may cause xx

[gem0805]

Hi Helenjn …..Thankyou so much for replying to me…I thought for a few days that maybe nobody used this site……..well lots has happened since I first posted….we went to the drugs centre on Monday…he gave all his details and admitted he had been using for a few months and it had got out of hand…..he said he wanted help and think he was hoping to get a script for some subs straight away….anyway after that we went round time and I asked him to call some numbers for jobs and asked him to get me a mini bank statement so I could see what money he had…well he came up with an excuse as to why I couldn’t check his bank…he forgot to print the statement and his phone banking app was broke….also he kept putting off ringing numbers for jobs .so I said just use my phone…he said he would..but that he was going for a ciggie first…when he came back….he said he had rang about a job…straight away I’m thinking why would he do it out side,when he knows I’m struggling to believe anything he says….so I asked him to let me see his phone to see if he had rang…..the call had been cancelled!!!..anyway that night I let him stop…I didn’t want him out my sight…the next day I had work….he said he was going to go into the nearby town…to get some food and job hunt….that was at 9.30 in the morning….I didn’t hear from him again…so by one I was panicking and ringing and texting him…then his phone went off ….I was absolutely beside myself…imagining him using or worse dead somewhere….I decided then I couldn’t cope with this…I messaged his dad to beg him to help him!!…anyway at around 4 he rang me….as bright as u like…said he had been really busy…in the library ,job hunting and that he had been bk in the drugs centre….just to chat with a counsellor ……I went mad at him for putting me through that when he knew how scared I was and he just said he was sorry and that he was just trying to be pro active like I wanted and that his phone had gone dead…so he had to wait until he got back my mums to charge it!!…I just couldn’t speak and said ok I will speak to u later……when I got off the phone…I rang the drugs centre…my name is down so they can discuss him with me too!!…he hadn’t been in…he had lied again!!!…then today before we were about to leave to go to the centre again ,he nipped shop and left his phone at mine…..he never leaves his phone!!…I quickly had a look and saw a message he had sent yesterday….trying to score!!!…..absolutely gutted!!…when he came in….I told him I knew he had lied again…I told him to leave that minute….we went….my heart broke…I cried I screamed….then I turned detective again…I found bus tickets…dated the day he was supposedly job hunting….he had gone back to his old drug haunt!!…he had totally lied to me once again…..anyway…as it stands…I can’t cut him off completely….I want to know he’s ok….I want to see him get better….he has supposedly gone to his dad’s….I don’t know…he has text me…begging me not to give up on him…to just let him get his head straight and if I agree to see him in the future..he promises I will see a difference…..I feel like someone has died…I want to move on…but I am going over all the if onlys and what if’s……could he ever actually change or is he a lost cause??
I am so sorry about your son Helen…..how heart breaking,I can’t even imagine the despair u feel…Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me xx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Gem,
I’m so sad for you, it is heart breaking what you are going through. I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support the families of people like yourself who are trying to deal with a loved ones addiction. We have experienced trained volunteers called Family Friends that you could speak with if you think that would help you. Sometimes just talking to people who understand helps make sense off things and could also signpost you to what other help is out there.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you can get some support for yourself. Keep strong!

[Author]

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