[leedsgal]

Hi everyone,

I am looking for some support and advice.

I have known my mum suffered with depression for at least 20 years. Also drug problems on and off. Over the last 3 years they seem to have got considerably worse. She uses cocaine nearly every Friday night. She has started using more and more since she lost her job. She can not afford to do this.I have tried everything to try ease her off it trying to break the habit. I have paid her debts off time and time again. Over the last year she has even pushed it on 2 me so I will pay for it. Which is my biggest concern that as my mum she would see me hit that low to get her hit. She is on the verge of losing her house. She will chose drugs over food or clothing.

I dont want her round me anymore but I fee like if I push her away I will make her worse or lose her completely.

I have siblings who have now all stopped helping her but I can not see her without the basics but I still take her on holiday with me buy her clothes feed her. My grandparents are still helping her by paying for haircuts ,cigarettes etc they have no idea she has no money dye to drug use.

I am at a loss now on how to help her I know she’s got drugs tonight on tick with no idea how she will pay it as she’s out of work. This all adds to my worry and stress because I won’t let anything happen to her.

Any idea how or what I can do to support her? Please don’t just say cut her off as she will have absolutely nothing I can’t lose her altogether.

Thanks

[lindyloo]

Hi Leedsgal, welcome to the forum. Everyone here has a loved one who has addictions.

I was sorry to read your story and wanted to tell you not to feel alone with this nightmare.

I don’t have all the answers unfortunately but I know the homepage offer support as does the Icarus trust who post here often. I believe they counsellors who can advise you.

So difficult when it’s a family member as you feel you can’t cut them off in case they deteriorate.

My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions for more than 10 years. He tries to get clean but has had several relapses. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions when there’s addictions in your life.

It’s very stressful, please look after your own health and well-being.

Take care of yourself

Lx

[salboo]

Hi Leedsgal,

I am sorry you are going through this, it really is so hard. I am in a very similar position. You are such a credit to your mum, the way that you have supported her all these years… it really is a very very difficult thing to do and I am sure you have shed many tears over the situation… I know I have.

I would echo what Lindyloo said… you need to make sure your mental health and well-being is taken care of. I made the transition from putting all my efforts into supporting my mum to putting the efforts into my own mental recovery. The experience really took a toll on me and it might have for you also.

You don’t want to cut your mum off, so you can perhaps spend some time with her and help her out as you want to, but please also think of yourself. Make time to do things you enjoy or that you find to relieve stress. This will help in some way to stop you worrying so much.

You can’t control what your mum does unfortunately and so maybe concentrate on what you CAN control… your health and wellbeing.

You are brilliant 🙂

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