[justme1]

Posted by justme on 10 February 2014.

Hi i hope someone can help. My husband has been using heroin and crack heavily over last few years. I only found out in march last year and its been horrendous. We have 2 children, he doesnt work and doesnt do anything to help. All he does is sleep all day then goes off all night. I stupidly started texting a couple of male friends mainly because of neglect, lack of affection and the fact i was working and caring for him and kids plus paying his debts and house bills. He got help in august and i started tailing off the emotional affairs. Unfortunately he was still smoking crack but had stayed off heroin. Just after new year he went through my phone and found the texts. He is now turning it round on me, im the bad one. He says he has reasons why he uses drugs but ive taken it that step further. Im at my wits end. Ive suffered so much yet he doesnt see it. Its all about him and his feelings. What do i do?

Well, here I am again 16 months later and while I thought everything would work out its not.
A few clean months then he returned to crack, to the tune of £500 a month. Then a return to heroin for a while and back to crack. Since Feb this year he got on a subutex script but still maintains his crack habit.
Last few weeks have been awful, he’s been distant. Then last night he went out drank god only knows how much, smoked crack and had cocaine over a binge of 9 hours. I picked him up and at first he was fine, then suddenly became abusive and aggressive towards me, raking up the past, calling me all sorts and smacking me around the head while i was driving. He said I was the reason he was on drugs and that he hated me. He punched the windscreen, cracking it.
Today he still maintains all this stems from 16 months ago. Yes I know I was in the wrong and have tried my level best to prove my worth to him, show him I’m sorry and try to work through it. Trouble is, the day he found the texts on my phone was a very emotional time for us both, he left taking my phone and turned up late the following night to confront me. I admitted everything and explained why I had done it. He asked me if I’d slept with anyone, which I hadn’t as it was purely emotional. Long story short he refused to believe me, 3am he’s sitting with a needle full of heroin threatening to inject himself to overdose because he didn’t believe me. At which point after 2 days of helll and then hours of being called a liar etc I said I had done something just to stop it all. I know the minute I said it it was the worst thing I could of done but I was at the point of giving up.
I told him the next day I had said what I did to stop the madness. Things stayed strained for months, me still maintaining my innocence. I thought if I persevered then the truth would out proving I didnt do anything. It didn’t work. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, things had been a lot better for Xmas into feb/march. Still using crack and heroin but happy. Now this. I just don’t understand, he interogated me again last night but I stood my ground, took the hits and the abuse.
I’m confused, is this seriously the sole consequence of the lie I told or an excuse to hit the drugs again without having to be responsible for it? He was on drugs before it happened and now he says that the only way for him to deal with this is through heroin/crack. Please someone help.

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