[alig]

Hi all

I wonder if anyone has had any similar experiences to me and can offer some advice – any input welcome

I met someone in 2016, in 2017 I discovered he was taking heroin when a bag of brown stuff fell out his pocket when we were standing in a queue in Sainsburys, I had never seen it before, I grabbed it as noticed it had fallen, phoned a friend who told me it sounded like smack. But it didn’t belong to him was the version I got told, yeah right. Eventually he admitted it, he was smoking it for sciatica (spelling) pain allegedly and I told him I would stick by him, he did not seek help straight away, it was a few months down the line, but like an idiot who wanted to help, I did not push him into seeking help so that is why nothing was done straight away. I also know that someone has to want that help and that you can’t force anyone into seeking help. I made clear that I wanted to be involved with attending appointments, he was taking a tablet on a daily basis, he had to get the tablets prescribed by a psychiatrist and was also seeking a psychiatric nurse too. Anyway, all of a sudden he is off the tablet and seeming “fine”. Now this is where I lost track of the timeline as so much has happened. I discovered later on after he had stopped taking the tablets that he was smoking heroin again. Again, denials, I’m imagining it etc etc. He then told me he would seek more help. Assured me he was attending appointments but with a GP this time. Because I had not attending any appointments the first time, although I was very keen to, I insisted that I go to the next appt with him, met him, took a half day from work, in the centre of town he told me that he had not been attending any appts so we were not going to the GP surgery, he was intending to go to a drop in place to seek help (we had been there the first time), you can imagine my distress at being lied to again. We went to the drop in place (with me in floods of tears at the shock and realisation that I can never every compete with this drug), a lovely lady took me aside and I told her what had been going on and he spoke to a support worker. So on the back of that he again was attending appts with another psychiatrist, now unfortunately, as I work with doctors and nurses, the doctor he was seeing was one who I had worked with previously so I did not want to attend these appts, in any event, COVID hit and the majority of the appts were by telephone (or so I was told). So, I kept asking him how he would get on “fine” was what I got the majority of the time (he has never been one for talking about anything at all). He was seeing the support worker too and I always asked him about those calls, “fine” was what I got after asking about those too. I told him he always had me to talk to as well and for support, yes I know that he said, thank you he said. So fast forward to October/November this year and my intuition was kicking in, I just felt there was something going on. I noticed the tinfoil at home had been used since the last time I had used it, there was something else too which made me think there’s something going on but I can’t foe the life of me remember now what it was! So as I was concerned I thought I would phone the support worker, I did and I was told that he had been signed off for the past two months, so there was no way my partner could have been in touch with him when he said he was. More alarm bells ringing. He always made sure there was money on the corner table every week, that has not been there for months now. Used to offer to pay for takeaways if we got one, not volunteered any money for them for a long time. I was keeping an eye on the tinfoil (why do these people reduce you to things like that?!), taking photos of it in case I was going mad and imagining it, but unfortunately I wasn’t. So, money has not been forthcoming for months now. He went out last week to go into town for Christmas presents, I discovered he hadn’t been in town, he’d been near to a shopping centre near where his dealer lives! He told me he didn’t tell me as he knew I would assume he had been to get drugs. Also that day he told me that he had gotten his bus pass topped up, which is £60, I then discovered he hadn’t topped his bus pass up. Was wiping the worktop in kitchen the other day and I thought, what is that horrible fishy smell I can smell, so I sprayed the cleaning stuff again, thinking it was that, wiped the worktop, and again could smell that fishy smell. I have asked him about the tinfoil, he told me he lapsed but only took it a couple of times, I said I thought it was addictive straight away, no it’s not I was told, you have to take it at least three or four times before that happens. So I have been keeping an eye on things, him especially, he has had goose bumps a few times, been sniffing nearly every day, has kissed me a few times and his nose has been running, his hands are freezing sometimes, he is irritable, grumpy, verging on being horrible at times, has lost weight and he can’t afford to as he is slim anyway. He has denied all of this. When he was taking heroin before he slept all night, when he stopped taking it he was awake half the night because of the alleged pain in his legs, he is now sleeping all night.

I was off work yesterday, he got in about 4pm, I spoke to him about all of this (again) and again he denied it, he then stormed out and didn’t come back for four hours – but he was at his mum and dad’s. So, I know he is on that stuff again but he will not admit it and for the third time is lying to me again about it all. His mum and dad found out he was taking this ages ago and were very pleased that he had me to stand by him although in an ideal world you don’t want your elderly parents knowing things like that, a few weeks ago after yet another argument over the above, he said to me don’t bother my mum and dad with this, which again confirmed my suspicions, thanks for reading

[mess94]

Hello! Thank you for sharing your story.

I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.

I can’t even begin to explain how horrible heroin is. It’s the most addictive of drugs and so many people are victims of its existence and dependence levels. Both users and family of users are severely affected sometimes.

As an ex user I would say to try and not give up on him. It does sound a little selfish on his end but if the correct support is given, he can get out of it. Unfortunately, all this lockdown and covid issues are increasing drug usage across the country.

I’m not saying to be ok with him using but you know him best. For me it was my wife that stood by me and helped me get through it. It was definitely her love that helped me. I started to feel so horrible and guilty for the person I had become. I felt as though I trapped her with me now and she is being forced to stay with me. Although she tried to assure me she will stick by me no matter what, it was my guilt that got me out. I was using for 2 years. Clean 5 months now. I really wish you guys the best and I hope he can find the strength to want to stop.

For severe users the GPs can give out prescriptions to help with his urges but minus the euphoric effect of Heroin.

Kind regards

M

[Author]

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