[stephaniiie]

Hi

This is my first time on any online thread in regards to drugs

Earlier this year I noticed a massive change in my husband

He slept on the couch every night and always looked “rough” in the mornings, sometimes black marks would be all over this hands and face.

His complexion turned grey and he lost 3 stone in weight!

After much suspicion and endless arguments I found a load of empty bottles of methadone.

He came out clean or so I believed at the time that he had been buying methadone and mixing it with diazepam as he said it gave the same effect as heroin. I asked did he use heroin and he denied.

I immediately seemed help from the Gp and a Counceller interacted.

I watched him go through withdrawals cold turkey for 2 weeks, after 5 days he collapsed as he answered the door to me and was admitted to hospital where he was later discharged.

After a month we began naturally to fall back into place.

Until about 2 weeks ago when a large amount of money went missing unexplained for, upon looking for his “lost wallet” I found large amounts of tinfoil, all used for heroin. He denied it all at the start and became aggressive and redirected the blame onto me.

I asked him to submit a drug test, delete and block all people from his phone and social media associates with the drug and to give me the income each week. He agreed to all and on the day of the drug test he failed to give urine, the following day he spent all our money on “drug debts owed”

I decided to clear out a work press and found 47 lighters, numerous used rolls of tinfoil, grinders, a bag which looked like green/brown seed, cigarettes papers, an empty bottle of methadone and empty plastic little bags, also a letter from the council of a final warning (no rent been paid for months)

After contacting the doctor and Counceller it is agreed he is to start a methadone detox tomorrow before he can be admitted into a rehabilitation centre

I’m so hurt that I can’t focus on anything else. I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth and know he has no intention of becoming clean. He’s just trying to find a way to get his next hit while telling us all what we want to hear.

I’m in complete limbo and feel I’m going to end up with a dogs life of constant relapses, lies, theft.we have three children and I’m having such a traumatic experience with everything. I feel I would rather adjust myself to his absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate his disrespect. I’m so lonely and feel I cannot share my story with any family members, all of this is a huge weight on me.

[danman83]

I guess you have one of 2 choices to make, stay with him and support him and give him a time limit maybe of no relapses.

Or just leave and think of you and your kids. I guess it narrows down to how much he wants to quit and is he even going to try. If not I’d get out now.

I’ve got a coke problem but I dont blow much money on it and it’s only once every few week. And all are bills are paid and kids come 1st. But with heroin it just totally takes over you and you would Rob off your own kids for that stuff.

But he really needs to want to quit himself. Not even have a phone. Come of social media. I’ve deleted all mine. Avoid every thing to do with the drug and take up new hobbies.

[stephaniiie]

Thank you for your reply. I really am considering leaving him. In May when I found the methadone bottles, he said he wanted help and loved me and the children. I found the month of May so hard. I was on constant surveillance.

He was described Dizepiam TDS and sleeping tablets to help with the withdrawals. He started to eat again and regain the weight. We started to talk again and Enjoy each other’s company.

Until last week when everything was confirmed to me he was actually using.

He tells me he wants to quit and it’s hard, that he’s been doing it over two years yet it’s only since early this year I noticed a dramatic change in him.

I was admitted to hospital late March with menegitis. I spent two weeks in isolation while he minded or children at home and did heroin and every night. I cannot forgive him for that. My children were neglected and my eldest son is traumatised. He actually asked me could be go live with my sister.

I choose to stay with him and support him in May, it was one of the hardest decision I ever made.

I believe in our marriage and I had made my vows.

I felt I couldn’t turn my back on him when he needed me the most. I didn’t want to walk by him on the street 6 months later completely strung out and eventually die from the drug or sucide.

I felt I couldn’t live with that on my consciousnesses.

The Counceller told me the next 5 days are going to be extremely hard while the doctor adjust him onto a methadone programme.

I have been researching and the drug and feel I need to be fully educated on it to understand the severity of it.

I just want the man I married back

[danman83]

I know it’s not good when it effects your kids. I lost my best mate from childhood to heroin last year. I stopped hanging around with him when he started on that. He was only 36.

A good thing that helps me is reading books on people who have over come addiction. There is a great one by Tim Ryan I think he’s called and the book is called.. From dope to hope. He was on heroin really bad and lost his 17 year old son to it. But tell your husband have a look into reading these type of books, that’s if he wants to. But they help me and put things into perspective.

I guess you don’t want to leave him.so just make sure he’s doing everything to stop. Has he tried meetings?

[stephaniiie]

Thank you for your message.

Today was actually the first step of his recovery journey.

He had the appointment with the doctor. I watched him walk in and left.

He was there for an hour or so.

He told me the doctor is to start him on a methadone programme on Friday and for bloods to be done.

I was slightly confused as why he wasn’t treated right away. My initial taught was it to allow a small time period to give the doctor more clarity, to see if he truly wants to stop?

To analysis is coping skills?

I don’t particularly know.

He is very remorseful at present and I’m completely drained.

I relfect back on my marraige and my life before him. We’re both 30 and been together 6 years with three children.

I suffer with serve anxiety and have had post natal depression. I also am recovering from an eating disorder.

I’m 5ft 3 and weighed 7stone at my lightest. I have gained a stone Over the past year.

He supported me trough it all. He always had my back.

Looking back at my own journey I found the love of my children healed me and the love of my husband.

I found peace in exercise, walking around miles a day. I found solitude.

Now this is his journey and il be in the background.

I suspose time will tell when and if he reaches the other side

I pray for my children that he sees the destruction of his behavior and realises he has a loving wife and family

[steph94]

Hi Stephanie,

I can feel the hurt in your messages. Your in a no win situation, you want the man you married and you don’t want to give up on him when you feel he needs you most but you also dont want a life of heartache for you and your children.

There is no answer to this because either path you take, whether you stay or leave there will Always be a sense of guilt and question to if you made the right decision.

What you need to know is you should not feel guilty for doing what you feel is the right thing for you and your children and right now it sounds your undecided.

Having a family member have an addiction to this and alcohol, there is only so many chances you can give. Many times, girls come into his life thinking they will be the one to change him, when in reality the only one that can change them is themselves. I guess it’s different getting into a relationship with someone who is already an addict than it is the love of your life then becoming one. It’s a difficult decision to make but you wouldn’t be the first to leave or the last to stay so put yourself first. My family member lost the love of his life along with his 9 year old daughter because she chose to leave and in no way as a family do we blame her.

I hope you find the strength you need to get through this difficult time. I hope your husband is one to become a survivor because it’s sounds like he has a loving wife waiting for him to become the man he once was.

My thoughts are with you all.

[stephaniiie]

Thank you very much for your message.

It actually made me cry. I have been so angry and hurt that I completely lost track of time.

My focal point was on my husband and my want for him to recover.

I need to detach myself a little while supporting him from afar.

My three children are my first priority.

After much contemplation I have realised this is his journey. I cannot hold his hand and escort him to doctors / meetings ect

He needs to make the calls to the doctors, admit his problem and ask for help. Not use me as an intermediate.

I have my own roadmap laid out for my children and I. We both want the same goal so hopefully we will both reunite at the end of the road.

I have gave him an ultimatum and now it’s up to him to abide by it or il continue my life without him.

Personally I think we all have our own demons in life, it’s our copeing skills that help us overpower them.

[danman83]

Your totally right in what you say. I admit my problem and my journey is done by me. Little things like I ask my gf to take my phone and car keys off me Fridays and Saturdays help. As mine is a weekend thing. Also I listen to addiction podcast, read books, go on forums like this. You have to change your life and routine around. Implement it with various activities. I’ve bought myself a guitar and I learn for an hour a day.

You seem like a lovely person and I hope it works out for you and he gets clean. But kids always come 1st and your own health.

[stephaniiie]

The change of routine is a most. Your have good willpower to hand over your phone and car keys when your problem is at its most tempting.

I asked me husband to delete all contacts on his phone and social media associated with drugs.

Of course he agreeded but at the end I had to do it.

I also found the name and number of the dealer hidden in his press. That was burnt.

I am slightly optimistic about his recover as I left after he went into the doctors. I went for a walk with my three children and visited my mam.

I hadn’t heard from him and his phone was “off”.

I proceeded to walk out home and my mother rang me, said he was just at the door and his phone had went dead.

I actually was actually shocked.

I waited for him where I was and we continued to walk home together.

He didn’t talk much, well it is hard to talk about much with children around.

He knows I’m at a major cross road in my life now. Sometimes I think he takes my kindness as a weakness.

His own father was a very aggressive alcoholics. Which ended in his mother and sister running away in the middle of the night.

He was left there with his older brother and the house decayed as his dad drank every day.

It was after his niece (first grandchild) who’s now 16 when his dad gave up the drink.

His dad spent years of drinking and lost everything.

I think my husband maybe is reflecting on his own childhood and loosing his mother and sister, been dragged up by an alcoholic father

He know has me and the children, a family of his own. Don’t let history repeat itself

[danman83]

It’s normally the case with a bad upbringing and use drugs to block it out. Maybe if that

[stephaniiie]

Do you mind me asking what brought for you to this site? What’s your story

[danman83]

Sorry for my late reply, I have just seen this. Well I use every few week. Seems to be on Fridays. I’ve gone months with out it, weeks, and once a week. The thing is with coke when it’s wearing off it sends your depressed and suicidal. And one day i just got really depressed when it was wearing off and suicidal and I hit my rock bottom. I seen a drug Councillor for 10 sessions, was 3 month clean then when out for a tyson fury fight to the pub thinking I was OK, and I lapsed. So it’s been back to the same since then, I was clean for 2 month at the start of the year, then went out. Its everywhere and hard to get away from.

I try many things to keep me away from it, apps, reading and other things, and this site. I came for help I think. A lot of people were supportive and they helped me stay clean, a bit of encouragement really does help. So I come on here as it helps me. And I like helping others as I’ve learned quite a bit. Sorry for the late reply again.

[danman83]

May be if that effects him try and get some councilling to help.

With the social media like Facebook. It’s easy to get back in. Because you just type your email. I made another email up and password. And changed it all and then deleted. And binned the email written down on paper. As I made it impossible to remember. This is how addicts minds work. We try and work easy way around things to get it. So I plan ways I can’t get around things and make it harder. It’s all about cutting off triggers and ways around of getting it. Tell him to start goin on more walks. Even try meditation. Or the gym. He now needs to put some good activities in his life to keep busy. And healthy food.

[darelshefaa]

Ask for help from specialists to treat your husband and help him get through this period and restore his life with his family naturally

مستشفي علاج ادمان

علاج ادمان الهيروين

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