[goblinqueen]

My partner is addicted to alcohol. This has been steadily becoming worse over the last couple of years (at least) and he has recently started to get some proper help. He’s talking to a psychotherapist to explore the issue and look at strategies to help him change his behaviour. Plus there’s the medical side – elevated liver enzymes so regular GP appointments and blood tests.

But….

After a really good conversation yesterday about how counselling had changed his mindset and he had realised how ‘absurd’ (his word) it was to be hiding alcohol, I caught him secretly drinking this afternoon.

I’m under no illusions about how alcoholism works but I’m finding this really hard to deal with. I know that this is a disease, that I didn’t cause it, can’t control it and can’t cure and I’m so glad he’s doing the right things in terms of the professionals but I just feel that every time things seem to be getting better, it’s just that he’s been lying and hiding it in a different way.

I’m thinking about leaving (we have a child and I’m so aware of the impact of this on her) but it just feels like such a huge step. There are no financial issues – we both have good jobs and savings – so his drinking isn’t affecting us in that way, it’s just the emotional side of things. I look ahead to the future and just can’t see it getting better.

Hardly anyone else knows, so it feels like I’m totally alone, and also means that the people around him (his parents, friends etc.) continue to invite him or us to social events with alcohol which just end in him getting hammered and acting inappropriately – staggering, slurred speech, calling me names for telling him it’s time to go etc.

I don’t know what I’m aiming for with this post – I’m new to this, just venting I suppose!

[leda]

My advice is to leave him. Before it gets worse, and you have a child to protect, and believe me alcohol will always come first. Whilst you are still financially independent- go. He will keep you hanging on with some “truth” about how he wants to get better but he does not have the willpower to do it- most likely. Look at it this way- if your relationship is meant to be then separation will be the test.

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