[lilgunner]

Good morning,

As some of you might have seen from my previous posts a good friend of mine whom I love dearly went to rehab, he admits he is lucky as funds were raised for him to go to one in Thailand. He is a cocaine addict.

Before he went away I did say it was important that he fully concentrate on his recovery and we should not communicate. The reason for this, as previously we had so many arguments before he entered rehab.

A couple of weeks in, he sent me a selfie and said how well he was doing. His phone use was restricted but for good behaviour he was allowed access to it during the day at the weekend. I noticed when he would message it was very self-centred, which I get to an extent, but when I engaged in communication – a couple of messages he would cut off talking. I found this a little hard but thought I wouldn’t read too much into it. Basically before he went into rehab and his time on cocaine he would be very egotistical, sending selfies and acting out in a way that was harmful, (I won’t go into detail) this was on WhatsApp most of the time, it was the main platform he used when high to interact.

His twin brother is addicted to cocaine also, and in the last couple of weeks before my friend was due home his brother started messaging me on FB talking rubbish. He sent me his phone number even though I specifically said not too. I blocked his brother, as he seems to act out the same way his brother used too. My friend messaged me the next day apologising for his brothers behaviour, but the whole message gravitated back around to my friend again.

When I highlighted that the way he had been messaging whilst in rehab was a little hurtful he simple acknowledged he was self-seeking and perhaps we should not communicate for a while. Literally I am gob smacked.

Am I right in saying that the way he is communicating is still not in accordance with the 12-steps, i.e being selfish and self-seeking.

Also, he said that he wants to make a direct amends, face to face but I should think about some of the bad things I said about him as I was part of the problem. Isn’t it right, that making amends is about their behaviour when they were actively using and the harm they caused.

Can I have some advice from those who have been through the process with an addicted loved one in recovery. By the way, I’ve noticed he pretty much can’t leave WhatsApp alone still and I worry this will be something that could potentially cause him problems.

I might be overthinking, but some times it’s best to come on here as I don’t become overwhelmed.

X

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