[table-tennis-1]

Hello,

I’m looking for any advice/someone to talk to in a similar situation to me if there’s anyone out there who is…

My partner of over a decade has had a cocaine habit for the last couple of years. I’d say he uses maybe every other day and usually binge drinks alongside this so he has an alcohol problem too.

Anyway a while ago now he had a bit of a breakdown thinking he had damaged his nose through the cocaine use and was adamant he would never use again etc and couldnt believe he may have permanently damaged it. He went to the doctor/ended up confiding in his Mom. The problem was she basically downplayed it and said she thought it was going to be much worse and that other people have done worse things in life…

So low and behold he is then using again and she still lends him money/gives him access to her bank account. I’m totally at a loss.. to me she has just given him the go ahead to keep using and abusing as it really isnt ‘that bad’. (I think she is a drinker herself but wouldnt admit it)

There doesnt seem to be anything that I can do to help.. he just gets annoyed/defensive if I try to mention his drug/alcohol problem.

Says he’s trying to sort his problems and I’m not sorting mine etc.

Unfortunately I’ve got into a habit of lending him money which I know I should not. his mother then pays off his debts owed to me.

I know he can be emotionally abusive/manipulative but I’m really at a loss. Of course I love him so much and after losing a friend to od this year I’m always feeling nervous about what may happen.

Is anyone else in a similar situation?

Thankyou

[littlerose]

I’m so sorry for the frustration you must be feeling.

It’s never easy to fight ones corner against a loved ones family.

I totally understand you and sympathize with you strongly.

I will never understand why a mother would ever be in denial of her son being not only an addict but destroying himself like it’s got out of fashion.

I just hope that you don’t get isolated from him because of his mother.

That is my sad situation & believe me it can happen & you feel helpless to stop it.

My partner of 7yrs has 5 days ago deleted me out of his life.

Because he lives at home with his mother, he’s a mother’s boy & everything is about her & her well being.

He is an alcoholic in denial has many physical symptoms but still can function at work.

His mother buys him drink & openly enables him to do whatever he wants.

She has taken away every relationship he has by hating his ex Gfs.

But I’m his wife & it’s been lonely & exhausting trying to fight & defend my corner.

Unfortunately he wants a divorce because alcohol and anyone who is to do with the damn poison is who he wants in his life.

I’m sorry but the reality you face is a lot of heartache.

And if you can hold on to him through the interference & look past the broken man he is then that’s amazing.

But also be prepared to also be pushed away,

I’m not going to candy coat this for you. He could isolate you also known as the silent treatment. Use you of everything you are & have until your Emotionally drained like you was a sponge bled dry & your self esteem can be severly knocked until you are nothing but a former shadow of yourself.

Some addicts will do anything for that fix & if you think your helping them by trying to clean them up or get them help.

Think again… You didn’t CAUSE it, can’t CURE it & can’t CONTROL it.

Only he can unfortunately.

But as I said similar before if you can take the rollercoaster ride then that’s incredible brave of you & honourable.

I really hope you succeed.

[table-tennis-1]

Hey thanks so much for your reply and I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through right now.

I’ve no idea how their own Mothers could behave this way either. My only explanation is that they want them totally reliant on them and all to themselves. They are their precious little sons after all… but it’s not attractive one bit for a guy to be so dependent and desperate for his mom’s attention. It’s actually very disturbing to think that their mothers could know this and be in denial.. even giving them money ultimately feeding the addiction and covering up /making excuses for them.

To top things off he went for a check up and the doctor he saw said he’s fine, I tried to ask if they mentioned any more about the coke use and apparently they just said ‘well you’re pretty much fine on the scale of things but obviously it’s better if you dont use’… seems crazy that they didnt inform a patient of any kind of drug support if theyve admitted they think they’ve overdone it with cocaine??..

Tbh ive started to come to terms with emotional abuse/manipulation I’ve been subjected to by him and am starting to doubt the future.

One of my main worries is how do you end a relationship with an addict and not worry yourself silly about them od’ing? After losing a friend to accidental od it’s really made me more anxious about the possibility..

Thanks so much for your supportive words.

[chezza123]

Yes unfortunately. I have been on the receiving end of abuse from my bf when he’s taken drugs which has progressed to crack. I fund him and this has become expected but something is changing in me and I have warned I will not do this again. He knows something has snapped with me but whether he’s actually going to change remains to be seen. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I hope you are ok as I know the toll it takes physically and mentally on you. Wishing you all the best

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