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Well, tonight it all came to ahead and need to get everything off my chest.
I met him a couple of years ago and he told me same day he had an addiction. I didn’t realise to what extent and I didn’t have any experience or being around someone with a drugs addiction other than my dad who was an alcoholic.
Turns out he was a heavy coke user. £2-3k per month.
We formed a friendship that crossed over into more but was never a official relationship. Excuse always being in that he was an addict and I couldn’t trust him. This didn’t stop me falling utterly in love with him and the idea that we could get through this together.
Initially it was a lot of emotional support by text due to distance. Every night messaging for hours. I could always tell when he had taken some and how much normally When his paranoia would set in and instantly a messages about cameras in room and being watched would come up. I would spent evenings late into the morning staying away to reassure him him That he was safe and discuss how good the future would be.
We would rarely meet. If we did it was to be imitmate but yet it felt like we were one that what we had worked for us. How foolish I was
9’months ago it started. The first request for money. Niave me
Helped and assisted and said we can work through it etc etc..: bigger requests & excuses for money came. Right now I’m £3500 down and have given away all the security i had as I feared for his safety and wanted to help and show there was hope.
I found a counselling course online, I researched and found help groups, I would talk through changes and helped them do a cv so They could try and change jobs and move away from the area where the dealers were.
I had a gut feeling he was messaging other girls, just the gUt feeling a girl gets. Questioned it and had everything thRown back in my face. How I have pushed him away, how he can’t see a future with me, how I lied and how his phone is probably hacked. Yes The paranoia about being watched was in full flow tonight. You can’t reason with someone who is high, who would accept any responsibility and who is full of self pity. Who makes you feel utterly worthless and such a fool for
Thinking you could help and make a differnce. How foolish I was to fall in love with an addict, allow myself to be manipulated and then end up with no money and feeling utterly low and empty.
So embarrassed by my stupidity in thinking it would go somewhere. All the promises and lines fed to me.
Really not sure how to go about
This now. I am just going to try and not reach out to him, ignore any messages and not be distracted by him on social media. It’s like he has ripped my heart out and trodden on it the worst it ever has been.
Lies, deceit manipulation and a broken heart is what my addict has brought into my life.
He admits he has a habit, he torments himself everyday, he knows he has hurt everyone around him yet he says the urge is too much and he struggles to fight back. He won’t commit to a help group, he
Thinks he can do it by him self but the more he tries the more
Frustrated he got the more
He used.
Yes it’s a shit addiction, it wipes out friends and family trust and respect. But it also makes that individual utterly selfish and self centred.
I will never be such an utter fool again and I am utterly broken.
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Sorry to hear … I know it’s hard … same here I’m going through the same shit every day .
Has he admitted on cheating on you ?
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